


Trusting December

by INTPSlytherin_reylove97



Series: Of the Seasons [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And Actual Romance, Anxiety, Because You Need to Know the Past to Understand the Present, Blood and Injury, Brief mention of suicide attempt, Can this Family Get More F-cked up, Dementia, Does Luke Really Need a Hand, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Romance, Everyone Wants Grandma Paddy to be their Grandma, F/M, Finn is Lukes Son, Flashbacks All the Time, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Jyn and Cassian are Rey's adoptive parents, Metafiction, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage, Panic Attacks, Past Drug Use, Rey and Ben Love Jane Eyre and Glow in the Dark Stars, Skywalker Family Christmas, Skywalker Family Drama, With the Andor-Ersos, Yes They Can, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 20:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 64,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13578021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INTPSlytherin_reylove97/pseuds/INTPSlytherin_reylove97
Summary: Rey just wanted to spend the holidays with her boyfriend. Instead she is stuck in a cabin with her well-meaning parents, a cutesy couple, a monk, a nosey assistant and her overtly blunt godparents.Ben always found tiny Rey to be a pest. A tumor on his side, but she’s not that terrible as the years go by.Rey and Ben's Decembers throughout the years.





	1. December 22 2018 & New Years Eve 2001

**Author's Note:**

> So I've had this nearly completed since BEFORE Christmas, and thought 'why not post it?'  
> Enjoy!

**December 22nd**

_"Bah-Humbug, well that’s too strong cos its my favorite holiday…”_ The catchy Christmas music buzzed from the car radio, the young woman hummed along lightly in the backseat.

Rey Andor-Erso did not like the cold. After growing up in the likes of Central California heat, her perception of ‘cold’ went out of commission. She shivered once the temperature dropped below 50 Fahrenheit, fingers freezing like icicles.

“You know, we didn’t need to all travel together. I could have just met you at the cabin if you told me before hand.” Rey’s adoptive father, Cassian, frowned at his daughter’s comment. Family time had become a rarity in the Andor-Erso family since Rey went off to university three years ago, her visits becoming few and far between despite she only living a few hours away.

“We told Leia we would be coming together,” Jyn spoke in quiet fierceness from the passenger seat, the older woman’s British lit softer than Rey’s sharper constancies. The twenty-one year old’s accent became a strange mesh of California drawl and British lit, her actual origins lost over the years while she lived in the United States with Jyn and Cassian.

With a soft sigh, Rey fell back against the backseat, squished between the Christmas presents and extra pillows. They left six hours ago, and the entire car drive had wonky cellphone reception.

Rey understood the importance of this spur of the moment family trip. Jyn and Cassian had been friends with the Skywalker-Solo’s for over two decades, both families participating in several social justice platforms. At one point the Solo’s, the hermit like Luke Skywalker and the Andor-Erso’s all lived on the same street, gatherings of the old ‘Rebels’, as Jyn fondly called her oldest friends, nearly every week.

Growing up, Rey heard numerous stories of the adventures of the Rebels though rarely witnessed any of the action herself. By the time Jyn and Cassian adopted the then five year old Rey, they had moved away from Los Angeles into the middle of nowhere Central California, and settled down from their activist days. The couple worked their social justice powers in smaller, effective ways; Jyn a social worker for kids in the foster system and Cassian a counselor for wayward teens. They were happy with the change, despite her Uncle Kato’s ramblings of the ‘olden days,’ a term Cassian found demeaning. The Rebels weren’t that old… simply middle aged.

Gently rearranging the stuffed back seat, Rey leaned forward, elbows resting on the middle console. “So, who’s even going to be there? I know you mentioned Leia and Han.” She met the Washington Senator and her race car junkie husband a handful of times as a little girl, their last official visit when she was fifteen.

“Luke will be there.” Jyn answered as Cassian continued his drive up the mountain, his lack of sleep evident in his unresponsive grunt. They left the house at two in the morning, the nine hour drive allowing the majority of the SUV’s passengers sleep—except for Cassian, who drew the short straw between Jyn and Rey. “Chewie” Rey smiled at the mention of the burley Scandinavian man, he would visit the Andor-Erso’s annually for Jyn and Cassian’s birthdays. Chewie took an immediate liking to Rey, often sharing random bits of odd, barely discernable wisdom, to the young woman. He became a sort of adoptive Uncle. “That’s all I know for sure… Han might have invited someone without even realizing it.” Jyn stifled a laugh at the thought, a brief smile passing her lips.

Rey hummed in response, satisfied with the few people at the cabin. Her low-key Christmas may have been altered—more than drastically altered—but maybe it might not be a complete failure.

Her hazel eyes drifted to her parent’s interlaced fingers resting on the gear shift.

A strange tug of longing jolted in her gut.

Fidgeting, Rey forced a small smile, her gaze lifting up to the windshield as the snowy pass came into their sight.

 

* * *

 

**December 31 st 2001**

Ben scowled at the tiny girl sitting on the sofa.

“I wanted to stay home.” Ben grumbled, turning back to his nicely dressed parents. “You said we would spend New Year’s together.”

Leia smiled tightly, fixing her bun in the mirror by the door until it met her perfection. “And we will sweetie, _tomorrow_. Your father and I haven’t seen Cassian and Jyn in months. This is the only time we can catch up.”

“But you never said I had to _babysit_.” Ben hissed, his voice cracking. Puberty was not treating him well, if his forehead acne and thick glasses had anything to say.

Leia was not amused. “Rey is a delight.”

“Plus she’s six.” Han interjected, “Practically a functioning human being. If she gets too rowdy, slip some Nyquil in her juice.”

“Dad! I’m not going to drug a little girl!” Ben squeaked, Han laughing at his son’s flustered face.

“Honey, it’s already eight. I highly doubt she’ll be up much longer.” Leia reassured her son as Jyn came from the down the hall, bee lining to Rey, Cassian not far behind with a red and blue checkered blanket.

“Rey, Papa and I are going out tonight.” The little girl’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Ben empathizes with the tiny girl’s disturbance. “But we are going to have a friend hang out with you tonight.” Jyn gestured for Ben to come forward, “This is Ben, Leia and Han’s son.” Ben gave the girl a slight wave she refused to return, her chubby checks puffing in displeasure. “He’s just going to watch some movies with you and warm up some pizza for you two to share alright? And maybe, if you ask nicely, he might read you a story before you go to bed.” A tiny smile blossomed from the girl at the mention of a story.

Great, he was reading some Dora the Explorer on New Year’s Eve.

Cassian and Jyn kissed Rey on the forehead before leaving with his parents in tow. Ben stomped down the pang of disappointment as his parents left with little more than a wave and kiss. After thirteen years of his parents pulling stunts like this, Ben was surprised he still felt the hurt of their departures.

“So…” The girl’s big hazel eyes blinked back up at him as he spoke carefully. “What movie do you want to watch?”

“Toy Story!” She cheered, her fists flinging up excitedly in the air. Ben nodded, not quite surprised by her choice of film. Most little kids were fascinated by the movie, himself included. Once he put the disc into the DVD player and the booming previews sounded, he went to warm frozen pizza in the oven.

He came back to the living room moments later to see Rey curled up on her side with the checkered blanket wrapped around her, already pressing ‘play’ for the feature. Not to disturb her viewing, Ben sat on the furthest side of the sofa. He glanced at Rey when he felt the sofa start to dip. The girl crawled to his side and curled up under his arm like a cat. She wrapped her tiny arms around his torso, cuddled to his side.

Ben froze. Cuddling was kind of gross, the only person who even tried to do such a thing was his mother. He only allowed it because she’s ground him for not showing her the affection she deserved for being in labor with him for thirty-six hours.

Not so gently, Ben pried the weedy little arms from his body and dropped them back to Rey’s side. He scooted a few inches into the arm rest to put some distance between himself and the girl. A frown played on her lips. Huffing, Rey followed Ben, curling into his side once more, with much more force.

When Ben tried to push the girl off, the hold of her fierce hazel eyes stopped him.

Thus the rest of the night went so; anytime Ben left the room, Rey would latch on to him like a leech and he would begrudgingly carry her along with him. To any outsider, it may have looked endearing, but to Ben, Rey was slowly becoming a tumor on his side.

By the time she grew sleepy, it was nearly midnight and Ben had to lug the girl to her room. The four walls were painted a pale yellow, her beside lamp lighting the little girl’s room. With his socked foot he kicked the duvet and teddy bear off the bed, nearly losing his balance in the act. He then gently deposited the sleeping girl on her bed, and tucked her in as he remembered his mother doing for him on the nights she was home. Just as he rose to leave the room, a small quiet voice called out to him.

“Ben, can you please read me a story?”

Well, she did ask nicely.

Nodding, Ben dropped back to sitting on the edge of her purple bed, beside Rey. “Sure, have anything in mind?”

The girl nodded, digging under her pillow. Turning back around, she handed him a worn chapter book—no a novel.

“You want me to read you _Jane Eyre_?” Rey nodded primly, laying back into her bed. He felt the treadles of nervousness with her intense gaze on him. “Uh, okay.” He found the page dog eared in the middle of the copy. He began to read from where Jyn left off the previous night, trying to thread the story together from what little he knew. Ben continued to read, even after Rey’s eyes drooped shut, the girl burrowed into his side once again.

“… _Sometimes I have the strangest feeling about you. Especially when you are near me as you are now. It feels as though I had a string tied here under my left rib where my heart is, tightly knotted to you in a similar fashion. And when you go, I am afraid at this cord will be snapped, and I shall bleed inwardly_.”

Ben gently set the book down on Rey’s nightstand, suddenly feeling the hollowness of his chest, near his gut. How could the words have such a deep effect on his being?

He swallowed, realizing he never wanted to be like Jane and Rochester, strung together by fate… yet he felt the inexplicable need to experience that type of love. A love destined from the start, tied by the red string of fate.

Ben’s gently pressed a kiss on Rey’s forehead as the clock on her nightstand struck midnight. At least one of them deserved a decent New Years.


	2. December 22 2018 & December 15, 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 22nd: There are more people at the cabin than anticipated.
> 
> December 15th 2007: Ben lives with the Andor-Ersos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Brief mention of suicide attempt.

**December 22 nd  **

There was more than Han, Leia, and Luke in the cabin.

The moment Rey entered the threshold of the cabin she was pulled into Leia’s iron grip arms, whispers of ‘how great it is to see you’ into her ears, then passed to Han for a ruffle on the head before finally shoved into Luke’s arms for a pat on the back.

“You need to see the rest of the gang.” Luke chuckled, Rey confused until she was led to the throng of people in the cozy living room. On the love seat sat a young man, a few years older than Rey, talking animatedly to the small Asian woman beside him. “Hey kiddos!” Luke called to their attention, the young man standing up to attention. “Guess who graced us with her presence?”

The young man’s contagious smile lightened Rey’s mood from the car drive, “PEANUT!” Rey squeaked in surprise as Finn gave her a bear hug, lifting her off the floor. Finn strangely became a pseudo-cousin in their dysfunctional family, Luke’s son still keeping in contact with her after all these years. His and Luke’s visits were the highlights of her summers, the two causing more trouble than their innocent personas displayed.

Finn quickly turned to the eager woman beside him, “This is Rose, my girlfriend.” The petite girl with as much gusto, if not more so than Finn, gave Rey a hug.

“It’s so great to finally meet you. Han and Leia will not stop talking about you.” Rose gushed, her intelligent brown eyes magnified by her thick rimmed glasses. Rey felt flustered, embarrassed at the mention of Han and Leia’s praise. It was no secret the two loved to dote on Rey ever since she was welcomed into the Andor-Erso family, visiting throughout her childhood, their wayward son Ben towed along.

Rey was then quickly ushered to the elderly couple sitting in the arm chairs near the fire. The elderly woman with elegant hair twists smiled gracefully at her. “Padme,” The woman introduced herself as she patted Rey’s hand with regality only obtained through years of practice. Padme gently urged her husband, who only gave Rey a nod before resuming his ruminating, “My husband has bad hearing,” Padme apologized, “He is quiet displeased with it.”

Rey nodded in understanding, her gaze flittering over the elderly couples bony intertwined fingers.

Realizing she was staring, Rey focused on helping her father with the luggage.

 

* * *

 

**December 15 th 2007**

Ben frowned at the familiar sight of the Andor-Erso house as his father’s car pulled into the driveway. Surely his parents wouldn’t call the reinforcements?

Han unlocked the car, slamming it shut behind him.

Of course they did.

Ben tried to ignore the numb loneliness growing in his chest, his mother’s frustrated sigh still in echoing in his mind. She was away at a conference for some bill in D.C., unable to see Ben off.

 

The living room usually filled with joyous laughter of the child of the house was dull and still. The Christmas tree had been moved into the corner of the room with the twinkle lights shut off.

Cassian gestured for Ben to take a seat on the sofa, the surroundings devoid of anything potentially harmful. Han lingered back, until he left to the kitchen, probably to drop off his anti-depressants to Jyn.

Another attempt to fix their broken, wayward son.

“Jyn and I are not psychologist or have any authority to analyze you in that capacity.” Ben nodded, well aware of his God parent’s occupations. He overheard many late night calls to Jyn and Caspian. His mother’s calls to his godparents ranged from ‘is it normal for him to start masturbating at fifteen or is that too late’ to ‘he ran away again last night’. “But we are here to help you figure out what your next steps are.” Cassian finished, not even offering a sympathetic ‘Everything will be alright’ like his last three therapists. “There will be no television for the next three weeks, no communication with anyone other than who is in this house and family. You also don’t need to talk to anyone if you don’t want to. You are also not allowed to be anywhere by yourself for the first week, as instructed by your doctor. Just let us know where you go.” Ben nodded, this ‘help’ sounding more and more like house arrest. “And under no circumstance are you to tell Rey you tried to commit suicide.” Ben flinched at Cassian’s suddenly fierce tone.

The thought of tiny Rey knowing didn’t even cross Ben’s mind. Suddenly overwhelmed with the scenario of Rey’s hazel eyes turning harsh with disappointment, Ben felt for the first time since the incident, ashamed of his actions.

“Yes, sir.” Ben answered, gulping down air.

“Okay, go say ‘bye’ to your father.”

Han left with nothing more than a wave and forced smile.

 

Living with the Andor-Erso’s was not as strict as Cassian made it out to be on the first day. Ben had to sleep and use the restroom with the door open for the first week, but hardly any indecent incidents occurred. The only for account was when Jyn walked in on him peeing once. His godmother didn’t even flinch, just grabbing the extra roll of toilet paper and leaving without a glance.

Ben had to participate in helping with meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner made as a team effort. Most things in the household were a team effort; cleaning up, cooking, and family game night.

Game night was another thing he was forced to participate in, often put on the team with Jyn (to make the playing field ‘fair’ for the ‘ninos’ Cassian claimed), who was far more competitive than Ben gave her credit.

Rey made herself scarce most days, hovelled up in her room watching TV or reading, Ben hardly saw the curious eleven year old. It wasn’t until his third night that he noticed the pile of books accumulating on his desk: _Pride & Prejudice, Emma_ and _Persuasion_.

Rey was trying to remind him of the stubborn boy, Ben Solo. The boy she still knew.

Indulging her, Ben read all three in two days. He set the books down on the corner of his desk awaiting the next batch of novels. Meanwhile, he began compile a list of books for Rey to read.

 **_To Kill a Mockingbird_ ** **, _Catcher in the Rye_ , _Of Mice & Men._**

 _Anne of Green Gables_ , _A Tale of Two Cities_ , _Little Women._

**_The Great Gatsby, Fahrenheit 451, A Wrinkle in Time._ **

_Sense & Sensibility, Withering Heights, Jane Eyre._

He fidgeted with the copy of _Jane Eyre_ , the same copy Rey tucked underneath her pillow when she was six. He recalled reading the book to her whenever she visited his home or he hers, Ben her designated orator when he was in the vicinity. He’d never admit it, but he had his own copy of the book tucked safely between his clothes in the dresser.

It was a Christmas gift from Jyn when he was fourteen. She snuck it to him between dinner and dessert, knowing Han would tease him relentlessly if he saw the exchange. He knew there was a reason he always liked his ‘Aunt’ Jyn.

 

“So, you only have a mandatory week left here, any thoughts about your future?” Cassian brought up the subject while they were working on the 1978 Toyota truck. Rey and Jyn had left earlier that morning to do some last minute Christmas shopping in the next town over, Christmas Eve the following day. Ben hadn’t realize how small the town of Lucas really was until Jyn brought him grocery shopping two towns over, since the local grocer closed before noon on the weekends.

Ben handed Cassian the compressor the man dislodged, “Uh, yeah, I think I might want to try going to college again.” Cassian took the compressor from Ben, without much reaction. “I have kind of realized I am more of a scholarly type.”

“I know. You handed me the wrong wrench three times since we started working on Rogue.” Cassian lightly punched Ben’s arm. “I’m kidding. It’s good that you have realized that. Most people don’t, and struggle to understand that about themselves.” Cassian came out from under the Rogue’s hood, slammed it shut with a tender pat on its faded paint job. “Look at your Uncle Luke. Thought he wanted to work in a government sector like your mother, but now he is in Ireland, travel writing about ancient monasteries.”

Ben bit his lip at the mention of Luke. His uncle had been, on paper, a great guardian. He worked with ambassadors in London, lived in a flat in the heart of the city, and most importantly (to at least Han and Leia) had a _routine._ Someone who could keep an eye on Ben and help him get through the last few semesters of high school, unlike his parents who were a busy Senator with meetings and a retired professional race car driver turned scout. Only Ben had been there to see Luke spiral into his own head space.

Depression ran in the Skywalker family.

Luke sent Ben back to Han and Leia, ashamed of his emotional and mental state. Ben was able to finish his last semester of high school online and moved to the first university to accept him under a false name. That’s when things went to shit: the Knights fiasco and Dr. Snoke.

Now he was here in middle of nowhere California. The California no one wrote about in their whimsical novels or wretched soul journeys, fixing cars with his godfather as form of therapy.

“I want to study literature.” Ben admitted, wiping the grease stains from his calloused hands.

“I think if we play our cards right,” Cassian paused, rubbing the joints in his hands. He hissed for a moment, before relaxing against the truck. “You might be able to go somewhere by next fall.”

Ben’s lips tugged into a tiny smile, Cassian patting him on the back as he limbered into the garage. For the duration of his stay, Ben rarely witnessed Cassian sit still unless he was sitting with his daughter. He felt the warmth of respect in his chest as he watched his godfather lock away his tools in their box. The sound of tires on gravel alerted the men of Jyn and Rey’s arrival.

The eleven year old ambled out of the car with a paper bag tucked tightly in her arms. “Don’t look! Don’t look!” She chanted as she scurried past the adults into the house through the garage door.

Jyn shook her head as she followed the girl. “This is what I get for taking her Christmas shopping.”

Ben watched the little family flutter around for the holiday. Jyn had a flare for inviting all the neighbors over for a few hours to spoil them with her horrendous baking. He willingly allowed himself to be pressured into their Christmas traditions discovering he never wanted to make tamales again, finding the masa on his clothes days later...but would not deny he would do all over again if they asked.

For the first time in years, Ben felt calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian are honestly the best!


	3. December 22, 2018 & December 10, 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 22: Rey realizes she does not have cell service in the desolate mountains.  
> December 10, 2009: Rey learns promises are not always fulfilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apparently have no self control, and I am posting another chapter.   
> Enjoy!

**December 22 nd**

The cabin was more of a lodge with the log structure and vaulted ceilings, reminding Rey of those corny Hallmark Christmas movies she guiltily watched from time to time. Some of the appliances had the glossy sheen of a recent purchase, but the pictures adorning the halls of chubby cheeked Leia and pubescent Luke reminded Rey of a family home. Apparently the vacation cabin in the Sierra Nevada’s had been a purchase from Padme’s brief Hollywood starlit days, the majority of the Skywalker’s gathering together for the winter holidays for the last fifty years.

“It’s going to be a tight squeeze but we’ll make it work.” Luke warned Rey and her parents as they trekked up the narrow staircase to the second floor. More family pictures decorated the second floor hallway, Rey doing a double take when she noticed a picture of herself with Ben and Finn. The photo must have been taken at the very least ten years ago, late teens Ben sporting a My Chemical Romance t-shirt and guy-liner, while a fifteen year old Finn was proudly decked in an orange letterman jacket. Rey looked tiny and nimble in-between the two boys, her purple t-shirt hanging awkwardly on her shoulders. Her growth spurt was later than most girls, not growing into her full height of 5’6” until she was sixteen.

She brought her attention back to Luke, the man far grumpier than she remembered from her childhood, as he struggled to open one of the jammed bedroom doors. Maybe Luke also became stir-crazy like her at the thought of everyone under the same snow covered roof.

“Jyn and Cas, you get the guest room, courtesy of Leia loving you two far too much for her own good.” The couple chuckled as they entered the threshold, Rey catching a glimpse of the beige and copper color schemed room as Luke continued to lead her down the hall. “Now Rey, hate to tell you kid, but you get the short stick. Mostly because your back can handle it.”

“Ah,” Rey opened her mouth, hesitant to voice her question. “And what is the short stick?”

Luke harrumphed, stroking his light brown-grey beard, “Well we weren’t too sure if you were going to show up,” he shrugged, Rey not amused by his slowly breaking her rooming situation. “Rose and Finn have my old room. I am on the pullout in the attic-study with Chewie on the inflatable bed. Han and Leia are in her old room and Poe’s crashing on the couch in the basement,” Both winced at that thought. The basement was cold and filled with horrors of seventies and eighties past, along with a dial turning TV as the source of entertainment. “Your options are to bunk it with someone else’s room on the floor or take your chances with Ben’s old room.”

Rey weighed her options. She honestly did not want to sleep on the floor, or in a room with another couple being the awkward third wheel. Ben’s room couldn’t be that bad…

“I’ll take my chances.”

Luke eyed Rey warily, a silent question of ‘are you sure’ hanging in the air. Rey nodded determinedly, Luke conceding to her decision. She followed him further down the hall, to the last door. Luke opened the door with little flare, “Here’s your home for the next week.”

Ben’s square old room looked as if Hot Topic circa 2005 threw up on the walls. Punk band posters from the early 2000s (there had to be at least three Fall Out Boy posters and an even older 90s Blink 182 poster collaged on those walls) practically overlapped each other on the four walls, along with a poor attempt of skull and cross bone graffiti art on the bathroom and bedroom doors. A black bunk bed-sofa bed combo was in one corner, a mature plaid grey, black, and red duvet and sheets. Probably a doing by his mother over the years to try to maintain some type of organization in teen angst room. She blinked in surprised at the Ravenclaw Harry Potter curtains, always considering Ben to be Slytherin like herself.

“The bathroom is just through that door. It’s a Jack and Jill, I think Rose and Finn are on the otherside. Good luck with that.” Luke chuckled, “Dinners at five.”

She thanked him for his hospitality, Luke gently patting her head as he left. She dropped her duffle bag and backpack on to the sofa. Once Rey found the knob for the heater, she began to unpack her few belongings. The trip had been sprung upon her by her parents when she arrived home two days previous, her plans for the break tossed out the window the moment Cassian made the trip nonnegotiable.

She set her laptop on the grey corner desk. As the laptop system woke up, a cold realization swept Rey; she was in a cabin, surrounded by desolate snow, in the mountains of Nevada.

There was _no way_ she had Wi-Fi.

Groaning, Rey slumped for a moment, frustrated with her predicament. Rubbing the travel fatigue away from her eyes, she checked her phone for any messages. The corner of phone that usually displayed her cell range blinked back a faint ‘x’.

Apparently she also had no cell service.

Groaning, Rey stood from the desk and went on the hunt for a landline, recalling seeing one by the kitchen when Leia gave the grand tour. With as much nonchalant and serine attitude she should muster, Rey walked down the stairs, past Padme sitting in the living room and through the creeky kitchen swinging-door.

“Rey!” Leia cooed from the kitchen island, the older woman arranging chocolate chip cookies on a Christmas plate. “Just the girl I’m looking for, put that on the cooling rack,” She ordered Rey, the younger woman taking the slightly warm cookie sheet from her hands. “So-sadly your mother and the lovely Rose are baking inept,” Leia continued as she wiped down the counter of stray pieces of cookie dough.

“Aw, that’s a bugger.” Rey sympathized, though already sensing where Leia was going. The Senator persuasion skills were to be taken seriously, grown men crying under the piercing gaze of Leia Organa-Solo.

“And Ben already told me he wasn’t bringing his girlfriend.” Rey pursed her lips, bracing her hands against the counter.

“Ben’s coming?” She puffed as she tilted her head to the side, trying to keep her eyes anywhere but on Leia’s. An inquisition was not on the table for Rey.

The woman tutted. “Yes. Called me about four hours ago. Now I have to figure out where he’ll be sleeping, and maybe finally throw out some of those black clothes he has stashed up there.” Leia waved the problem away, “Anyways, I don’t trust any of those men and Maz decided to go to Bora Bora this Christmas. That means you are going to be my right hand woman!”

“What about Poe? Or Finn? I here they are superb in the kitchen—”

Leia’s lips drew into a hard line. “Nope, they will end up eating it and then there will be food poisoning. No _one_ will be going to the hospital this Christmas if I have anything to do about it.” The Senator declared, throwing an apron to a wide eye Rey. “Now pull up your hair up, I need some bourbon for my coffee.”

Leia marched out of the kitchen. Once Rey heard the patter of steps drift, she sprung to the green phone attached to the wall beside the oven. Lifting the phone off the receiver, Rey frowned at the dial tone; of course the phone was from the eighties, like half of the things in the cabin. She typed the phone number and waited for the connection… only for it to go to voicemail.

Of course he wouldn’t pick up from this number. Why did she even—

The beep sounded, “Hi! Um, it’s me, Rey. I have been trying to get ahold of you since yesterday. I—” Leia came matching back in, “Gotta go. Love you, bye!” Rey rushed, slamming the phone back down on the receiver with much more ferocity than she intended.

Leia cast her a curious glance, “Who was that?”

“Uh,” Rey paused, inadequate excuses flashing through her mind at neck breaking speed. Inpatient, Leia raised a manicured eyebrow from behind her stylish glasses at her hesitation. “My boyfriend. Difficult to get ahold of him” Rey spoke in half-truth, hoping Leia would not pinpoint the lie in her statement.

“Oh, I’m sorry dear.” Leia apologized, already measuring out the ingredients for her next batch of cookies. “If we had known, he’d definitely be invited.”

Rey slowly exhaled the breath she held. She picked up a bowl from the counter, beginning to prep for cupcakes.

“But real talk: Is he good in bed? Because sweetheart if he is not, dump him now.”

Rey blanched.

“Yep,” She squeaked, “He’s _great_.”

* * *

 

**December 10 th 2009**

 

Several of the Rebel members showed up to the funeral. Benjamin ‘Obi-Wan’ Kenobi had been a familiar name in his childhood, despite his radio silence until a couple of years ago, when he appeared at Anakin’s doorstep seeking reconciliation.

The old writing partners had fallen away from each other after Anakin’s brief lapse in alcohol and drug abuse. Old Man Kenobi still kept in contact with the Skywalker children until their adulthood, even after Anakin went to rehab and returned home to Padme… but things were never the same.

Ben sat by the lemonade, the wake filled with several faces he recognized but could not put a name to. He figured at least half the people thought they were lost when they showed up at Andor-Erso residence. The couple held the wake and the burial in their area for many reasons; Benjamin Kenobi had been a mentor to Cassian and Jyn in their social justice movements, Kenobi’s later writings often reflecting a socialist agenda. The main reason was Rey.

The girl hardly knew her grandfather, the two meeting for the first time a year and a half ago. Kenobi was bedridden at that point, all the visits were regulated through a hospital.

Noticing the lack of ice in his lemonade, Ben excused himself to the kitchen. The noise was suctioned out of the room as he passed through the dining room door into the connecting kitchen, Ben finally able to breathe for once that morning.

“Hey, Ben.” A quiet voice startled him, Ben nearly dropping the ice tray he pulled from the freezer.

He glanced down to the source of the greeting, suppressing a sad smile. There on the kitchen floor, thirteen year old Rey sat curled up on the floor. Her chin rested on her bony knees, a recent growth spurt making her limbs slightly awkward. A plate of cookies, meant to go out to the wake was set beside her, along with a half filled mug of hot chocolate by her feet. The scene oddly reminded him of the moments he would run away to be by himself whenever his dad left for some tour. He understood the look of confusion of someone leaving without their permission.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Ben asked, dropping the forgotten ice tray in the sink above her head. Not waiting for Rey’s response, Ben slid to the floor. He bent his knees to his chest, similar to Rey, his legs far too long to stretch out in the space between the sink and the kitchen island.

A comfortable silence passed between the two. Rey picked at her nails, while Ben snatched one of the chocolate chip cookies off her plate.

“He was going to spend Christmas with us.” Rey muttered around a mouth full of her cookie.

“Well, that sucks.” Ben replied. A tiny hand slapped his shoulder in rebuttal.

“You’re not supposed to say that Ben. You’re supposed to say ‘I’m sorry Rey’, or ‘Things will get better Rey’.”

Ben bit back his laughter as Rey huffed. “I’m not going to tell you lies Rey.” She pursed her lips, displeased, but understanding his words. “I am going to be honest. It _sucks_. I don’t know if it’s going to get better, but I _do_ know you, and I know this feeling of confusion will pass.”

Rey kicked out her legs, nibbling another cookie. “Thanks….For not lying.”

Ben nodded, pulling the plate of cookies away from Rey. “Also, I think you are a depressed eater. It’s a habit you should really look into breaking.” Her tiny hand whacked his arm again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my head canons made it on the page; in this story Rey is, biologically, a Kenobi. Also, Ben would totally listen to My Chemical Romance during his emo-goth days.
> 
> Do any of you agree or disagree with my Hogwarts house sorting for Rey and Ben? I know it is typical to think Ben is a Slytherin, but after watching 'The Last Jedi' I became a firm believer he'd be sorted into Ravenclaw.


	4. December 23, 2018 & December 16, 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 23: Rey tries to figure out her Wi-Fi problem.  
> December 16, 2014: Ben sees a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its not a Reylo fic I wrote if it doesn't have a Skype reference. The ship now owns it.  
> Enjoy! And thank you for all the comments and kudos!

**December 23 rd**

After a day and a half, Rey summoned up the courage to talk to the only other young adults in the cabin.

She swiftly knocked on the door a few feet away from her own, crossing her arms over her chest. Rose smiled brightly when she answered the door, though that did not stop her from becoming the barer of bad news.

“Nope. Finn nearly had a meltdown when he realized he couldn’t Skype our cat.” Rey winced, Rose urged to help in some way when she notice the girl’s distress. “But I know someone who might have a way to access the internet.”

 

 

“You know I am under the Senator’s strict orders to not let anyone access the Wi-Fi right?” Poe Dameron, Leia’s ever diligent personal assistant, deadpanned to Rose and Rey. The thirtysomething man had been a family friend to the Organa-Solo’s for all his life, his father and Han racing buddies in the eighties. When Poe began to show interest in politics Leia immediately took him under her wing, cultivating him into the personal assistant she wanted in the beginning of her run.

When Leia told Poe he would have a paid vacation to simply make sure her office didn’t burn down for two weeks and not let any of the guests use the Wi-Fi, he took the opportunity.

Rose rolled her eyes, while Rey pursed her lips, unamused by Poe’s charismatic attitude. He used it as a buffer for conflict, something of which Rey had little patience for at the moment.

“Listen, I have an important Skype call to make-”

“Oh, that might be hard to get through even with Wi-Fi. Skype service sucks up here.” Poe interrupted, getting comfortable in the office chair.

Rey held her sharp tongue, but Rose didn’t.

“She just needs the Wi-Fi for what? An hour? I think you can let that slide.” Poe rose an eyebrow, Rose’s hands falling to her hips, her eyes becoming bigger from behind her thick glasses. “Why not make it your good Christmas deed? You still have that bet with Finn. Think of how happy he would be if his best friend decided to actually follow through with the bet? Hmm?”

Poe scowled, his age lines becoming more obvious the longer he pouted. “You play dirty Rose Tico.”

“I play to even the field.” Rose relaxed back as Poe wrote the seven letter Wi-Fi password on an orange sticky-note.

Poe folded the paper in four quarters, putting it in Rey’s awaiting hand. “Don’t lose this. If Leia finds out I gave out the password she will have my head and eat it for breakfast.”

 

 

Dinner that night was an eventful occasion, laughter and chaos echoing off the vaulted ceilings of the cabin. Rey found herself sharing a pulled up piano bench with her mother, barely enough room to fit the several guest around the table. Rey elbowed Luke a few times to try to grab some Mexican rice. Finn was clumsier than he appeared, knocking his glass of wine on to Rose, who merely chuckled and kissed his blushing cheek. Chewie roared and guffaw with Han, the only person to truly understand the hairy, Scandinavian man. Rey felt the cold longing and disappointment in her gut melt away as she watched this mesh of a family bask in each other’s company.

Jyn and Cassian volunteered their family to be on kitchen duty that night. As Rey began to scoop the leftover enchiladas into tuber-wear, she felt two bodies sidle up on either side of her.

“Mija, we know you didn’t want to come,” Cassian whispered, wrapping an arm around Rey’s shoulders, “but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to us.”

Jyn tenderly brushed Rey’s flyaway baby hairs from her face, “A cold shoulder from you can crush an entire galaxy.” Jyn commented wryly, her brown eyes filled with mirth. “It’s not like you to be secretive, but I also get that you’re an adult,” Cassian snorted, June flicking his shoulder, “and that there are something’s you don’t want to share with us.”

“Just know, you can talk to us about anything-”

“Anything. Drugs, alcohol, sex--”

Rey blanched, “Ok, I get it!” She stuttered, her parents laughter burring her embarrassment. “I can talk to you guys about anything.” She picked up the tuber-wear, crossing to the refrigerator. “Plus, I don’t mind being here. I was just annoyed about the Wi-Fi.”

“Oh, god the Wi-Fi?” Jyn scoffed as she put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. “You can live without Wi-Fi, Miss ‘I Like the _Texture_ of Old Books’.”

 

 

Rey retyped the password for the fifth time that night. Poe honestly had the worst handwriting.

This time she went with her gut and typed a ‘b’ instead of an ‘h’. Two seconds later she was connect to the Wi-Fi with two bars of reception. She logged into her Skype and called A.D., the tone quietly bubbling.

She hung on to the tone for ten minutes, occasionally checking the door. The lock was sadly out of commission, the bolts prone to getting stuck. Paranoid by this lack of security, she didn’t want either her parents bargaining into the room. No one in her family understood the concept of boundaries if the conversation with her parents was anything to go by.

She fidgeted with her wrist watch, already twenty minutes past the time he said he’d call. The long drive getting to her, Rey decided to end the attempted call when it finally went through.

There he was—in static.

God, she hated the mountains almost as much as she hated the cold.

“Hey-uh can you see me cos I can’t see you for shit?” Rey tampered with the angle of the screen, the image still not changing. The only thing she could make out from the static was his ridiculous ears.

“I---driv----the---mo---d--- shit.” His voice barely sounded through the speakers. It would be almost comical if he didn’t sound as annoyed as she did by the horrible connection.

“I still can’t hear a word.” Rey mumbled glumly. She lifted the laptop over her head, believing the height could change the signal. With no luck, she set the laptop back to its spot.

“W---fu---Nev---cal---ou--.” His words came out choppy again, Rey groaning loudly as she lightly banged her forehead against her desk. She lifted her head when the bubbling tone of Skype sounded again.

The connection was lost. The cold feeling in her gut came full force as tears threatened to drain.

“Well fuck.”

Exhausted, Rey stood from the desk and threw herself down on the bed, feeling far too old to be laying on the bottom bunk of the bed. She lazily pulled the navy blue quilt, from the back of the sofa-bed and tucked it over her head. She completely disregarded the fact she was still wearing an itchy grey sweater and her denim jeans.

She just wanted to try to get some sleep.

 

 

At some time around two in the morning, Rey was shaken awake by her mother. “Hey, peanut,” Rey tried to push Jyn away, only for the woman to roll on her side out of Rey’s reach. “Just want to let you know Ben showed up after all.” Jyn tried to sound cheery, though Rey, even in her half sleep induced state, noticed her mother’s faint passiveness. “Try to be social, I know you didn’t want to be here…”

Rey mumbled a ‘sure’ as she turned over, away from her mother, falling back asleep.

 

* * *

 

**December 16 th 2014**

Ben hated finals.

Students were usual running around campus acting as if it were the apocalypse and it was their last day to live, while the other half were slowly dying of stress in libraries and coffee shops. As a master’s student, Ben didn’t fall into the finals pattern, but simply helped grade the finals once they were over for the undergrads.

Though that didn’t mean he was any less sleep deprived than the average college student. He still had his own thesis to be concerned about.

Walking into the campus coffee shop a block away from his apartment might have been an unwise decision. None of the tables were available for him to sit and finish some grading, one of his many jobs as a grad assistant.

After scanning the area for a moment, his eyes caught sight of a table with some room, the girl sitting by herself. She was engrossed in a book, her almond scone and coffee laid forgotten before her. The table would have to do, the girl didn’t seem like she would be interested in tearing her attention away from her book, which meant Ben did not have to deal with small talk.

“Erm, excuse me. Is it alright if I sit here?” The girl briefly lifted her eyes from the worn page, her soft hazel eyes inspecting him. She shrugged a shoulder, gesturing for him to take the seat. Ben muttered a ‘thanks’, setting his coffee and stack of papers on the table. With a green pen for his marking, he began reading literature essays on the metafiction of regency fiction.

 

 

Every so often he would glimpse up at the girl whose nose remained in her worn copy of _Jane Eyre_ , her coffee long forgotten and cold from sitting. She looked familiar, her wild knots on her head stirring a memory he couldn’t place. Was she in one of his classes? Realizing the implications of sitting with her if she was one of his students, Ben cleared his throat.

“Yes?” The girl’s gaze settled on his.

“Erm, you don’t happen to be in one of my classes. I just realized how bad it would be if I were grading papers in front of one of my students?”

The girl snuffed out a snort coming from her lips, “No. I am not required to take,” She tilted her head sideways to male out the class from the top of a student’s page. “Metafiction of the 19th and 20th Centuries.”

“So not a literature buff?” He found himself joking, the girl’s confusion over the course amusing.

She shook her head. “I love literature, but I don’t think I could analyze it to write essays defending it. I think it would take all the fun away.” Her eyes widen, “Not that it is not a great thing to do. It’s just not for me.” Her closed mouth smile made Ben smile one in return. “I study history, with a minor in engineering.”

“Odd combination.”

The girl nodded in agreement, “When one’s papa teaches them everything they know about cars and planes from a young age, an uncontrollable desire to be an engineer is born.”

“I can’t say the same for me.” Ben shook his head, thinking of his own fleeting father. “My dad use to be a racecar driver, tried to teach me the trade, but I found it more fun to go to my favorite author’s book readings than the Indie 500.”

“Even I would find it more fun to go to my favorite author’s book reading than go to the Indie 500. Though not quite possible because all my favorite authors are dead.”

Ben gaffed, slapping a hand over his mouth to quiet his laughter. Few other patrons glowered at the two, the girl shaking her head while Ben whispered ‘sorry’.

The girl bit her lip, tucking a lose stand of mahogany hair from her buns behind her ear. A tiny flutter erupted in Ben’s gut at the movement.

“Can I get you another coffee?”

“Sure.” The girl nodded once, her lips quirking. “But only if you tell me your name? I do not take drinks from strangers.”

Ben felt a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Smart girl, I appreciate that.” Holding his hand out, Ben introduced himself. “Ben Solo, a sorry excuse for a masters student.”

“No _fucking_ way.” The girl spat out. Ben flinched at tone the tone, than the curse. His mother and godmother cursed like it was running out of fashion.

“Uh, yes--”

“My god, Ben?” The girl leaned forward. “When the hell did you get glasses?”

“I’ve always needed them-wait a minute how do you--”

“Shit.” The girl mumbled, her eyes widening in astonishment. “Of course you don’t recognize me. It’s been like what six years?”

Ben squinted at the girl. The familiarity of her hazel eyes and the twisty knots of hair clicking into place in his memory.

“Rey?”

Ben didn’t get any grading done that afternoon. Instead, he and Rey spoke for hours. When the barista kicked them out for closing at midnight, the two went for late night fast food unable to spot being in one another’s presence after nearly six years apart.

“How long have you’ve even been going here? The campus is so small, I’m surprised I haven’t ran into you before.” Ben asked, the question finally coming to fruition after catching up on the other’s lives and inadvertently, the lives of their respective families.

“I finished my last final of my first semester yesterday.” Rey answered, swiping one of Ben’s left over fries. They were the only ones left in the twenty-four hour _In-and-Out_ , the clatter of employees cleaning drifting in the background.

“That is terrible and wonderful all at the same time.”

“Right?” Rey stressed, dipping a fry into her chocolate milkshake. “It’s only Tuesday—well now Wednesday.” Ben shrugged; same difference, the days and nights blended together when your nose was in textbooks and eyes burning from blue screens. “I’m not going home until the twenty-second.” The shifty melancholy atmosphere resting on her shoulders pulled at Ben’s gut.

“You’re not going home for your birthday?” Ben recalled how coveted Rey’s birthday was for the Andor-Erso family. Ever since she was adopted, Rey’s parents held an intimate birthday dinner and an outing of Rey’s choice with _only_ the family. He had the privilege to be present for her twelfth birthday, despite it not being under the best circumstances. That year, Rey had wanted to go to the beach, a three hour drive, to feed the seals and eat _real_ seafood.

Things went downhill fast once she saw the crabs and fishes at the exhibit, nearly bursting into tears when the four of them sat down for dinner. Needless to say she had an impromptu counseling session with her father in the middle of a semi-busy restaurant.

“Nope. Decided it was going to happen eventually, might as well make it on my own terms.” Rey seemed output with her decision no matter the extent of her false bravado. “I’m just going to bum around and watch whatever’s on Netflix.” She admitted, “Maybe I’ll order the best pizza I can afford and eat an entire tub of ice cream.” Her smile began to falter as she processed what may possibly be her birthday.

Ben bit his lip; Rey had been a pest, but an agreeable pest in her younger years. He absolutely loathed the idea of the spunky girl spending her nineteenth birthday alone.

“Do you mind if I kept you company?”

Ben will never forget the flood of relief in Rey's eyes at his offer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Ben is no longer a sad young man, just a literature nerd-grumpy grad assistant! From now on the flashbacks won't be so far into the past, some happening within the same December.
> 
> Also, bonus points to whoever can figure out the Wi-Fi password Poe gave Rey!  
> Clues: It is seven letters, and the first letter is a 'b' that was almost mistaken for an 'h'. Not mentioned in the fic- it is a full name.
> 
> Update 2/21/18: I changed the Skype name from K.R. to A.D. -- the new initials stand for something else later in the fic, and if you are past Chapter 7 you know what I am talking about.


	5. December 24th 2018 & December 22nd 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 24th: Ben finally makes it to the cabin.  
> December 22nd 2014: The morning after Rey's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos!  
> Enjoy!

**December 24th**

Rey groaned as the morning sun hit her eyes. Lifting her wrist, she grunted; it was six-thirty in the morning. She was already awake and there was no way she would be able to fall back asleep. Pushing herself off the sofa-bed, she readjusted her bunched up sweater. Deciding she was presentable enough, Rey stumbled out the bedroom, on the hunt for coffee.

Voices drifted from downstairs, reminding her of the other guests in the cabin. Rey, disgruntled, leaned against the banister out of sight. She didn’t want to interrupt anybody’s conversation with her morning bedhead and incoherent mutterings.

“Ben,” Rey tensed at the mention of his name, “you hardly slept. You drove over thirteen hours by yourself.” Leia’s voice stressed, laced with the same motherly concern as when she spoke to Rey.

“Mom, I took a two hour nap once I got here. I’m good. Nothing a little coffee won’t fix.” The baritone voice, of Ben, spoke tiredly. Rey rolled her eyes at his stubbornness, trying to dissolve any ounce of pity she felt for him. Based on his grumbling, she wasn’t too sure if Ben was exhausted from the drive or his mother’s badgering; probably both.

It sounded like the mother and son were in the dining room; maybe if she were very careful, she could sneak by them, unnoticed, and get into the kitchen from the living room. Using her hand, Rey gently guided herself down the stairs. Tip toeing past the living room, she gave Padme a quick wave before ducking through the swinging door into the kitchen.

Ok, she calculated wrong. Mother and son were definitely in the kitchen, not the dining room.

Rey glued her eyes to the floor the moment she felt the presence of other bodies in the room.

“Oh, honey, you look terrible.” Leia spoke bluntly, momentarily stunned at the accidental intrusion.

Rey, with her gaze down and hair in an uncontrollable frizz, undeniably looked like a mess. She hoped she wouldn’t have to make eye contact, already embarrassed looking like a gremlin in front of the Senator.

“Oh, I wasn’t feeling well… um totally forgot I need to Skype someone,” Ben coughed, startling Rey, “and uh, no Wi-Fi.” Rey mumbled out, focusing on the cabinets behind her. The sooner she found a mug, the sooner the conversation would be over.

Leia tutted in pity. “I’m sorry, hon. One of my rules for the cabin is no Wi-Fi, but if it was really important I’m sure Poe can get you access.” Rey winced, already acting on Leia’s suggestion behind her back.

“No worries—”

“Ben, go help that poor girl get coffee. I am afraid she is going to trip.” Leia ordered her son. The sound of a chair scraping against the tile struck Rey out of her sleep deprivation.

“Really it’s no—” Rey’s words died in her throat once she caught sight of Ben.

He looked worse for wear, his lack of sleep definitely from more than one night’s loss of slumber if the dark circles under his brown eyes were anything to go by. Guilt resumed to edge at her.

“Hey,” Ben breathed as he opened the cabinet, pulling out a forest green mug from the shelf. “Surprised to find out you were here.” Ben commented lightly pouring the coffee into the mug. He dropped two sugars into the mug without a second thought.

Rey’s eyes flew to Leia for an instant. The older woman’s eyes were pinched as she read a damp newspaper.

“Surprised to hear that I was going to be here as well.” She mumbled, cursing the flutter in her chest when she noticed Ben’s wry smirk. “Mum and Papa kind of sprung it on me the moment I came into town.”

The pads of their fingers brushed together softly as Ben handed her the mug of coffee.

“Well that… is unfortunate.” He finished, his phrasing awkward, but not out of character enough for Leia to notice the exchange.

Leia scowled at the page, her hand slapping the newspaper down on the kitchen table. “That damn Martin.” She stood from her chair, cup of coffee still clutched in her manicured hand. “Tell your father we are doing brunch at ten. I need to handle some business with Poe.” Without another glance, Leia marched out the kitchen.

The tension immediately broke at her departure, relieved sighs released in chorus.

“My god, I thought she’d never leave.”

“Did I have aneurysm? I can’t tell if I had an aneurysm.”

Rey chuckled between breaths at Ben’s reddening cheeks. “Ben, you didn’t have an aneurysm. You're fine.”

Ben scoffed. “Tell that to my freakishly rapid heartbeat.” He inhaled deeply, before letting out a long breath, the red in his cheeks lessening by the second. Adjusting the glasses on his face, he leaned back against the kitchen counter. “Our Christmas plans are completely screwed.” He declared, Rey’s eyes briefly gazing over his arms crossed over his chest.

Rey pursed her lips nodding slowly to Ben’s assessment. “I _tried_ to call you.”

Ben disregarded her tone, driving to the issue at hand. “Did they take you by force or something? Like tie you up and throw you in the trunk type manhandling?” He rubbed his face tiredly. Rey shook her head at his amusing dramatics, yet the taut pull in her shoulders did not lessen. “I need to cancel the reservation.”

“And here I was, actually looking forward to New York.” Rey sighed, glumly sipping coffee from her mug.

She and Ben had a plan.

She was going to spend three days with her parents, then leave for L.A., with the claim she was going to spend the rest of the holidays with some friends. Not a total lie.

Ben was going to skip Christmas with his family. Again; but that was an argument for another day. The plan was to spend the three days Rey was out of the apartment to finish up on some book management type business, then once Rey came back, they were going to head to LAX and take a flight to New York for New Years.

Of course their families threw a wrench in their plans.

“There’s no way I can get a refund on the tickets or the rental.” Ben spoke quietly, Rey reminded once again of the lack of privacy with ten plus people walking around. “They completely blindsided us.”

“Unintentionally blindsided us.” Rey corrected. “For all they know, we haven’t seen each other in nearly eight years.”

Ben winced at that fact. “I still don’t think we should tell them.”

“I agree, wholeheartedly.” Rey assured him, thinking of the hell that might break lose if their families knew the true nature of her relationship with Ben.

She loved her parents, but they were also opinionated and hotheaded no matter how loving they were to her all her life. With Ben, she did not have the luxury of hiding a boyfriend’s flaws of the past from the judgment of her parents because they had been witness to it all. Rey and Ben experienced enough judgment and opinions from peers and friends, neither could bear the thought of their families’ view on their relationship.

“So, we’ll just have to keep everything casual. We are just two people catching up after not seeing each other for years.” Ben’s shut his eyes for a moment taking another calming breath.

“Sure, and I’ll try not to think about how times you made me orgasm the other night.” Ben’s ragged breath caused laughter to bubble up in Rey’s chest. She was a little too candid about their sex life, while Ben continued to blush and stutter like a sexually depraved boy outside of the bedroom.

“Yeah, don’t say things like _that_.” Ben scolded lightly, a softer smile gracing his face the longer he stared at Rey. She would never admit it, but Rey liked these moments…when it is the two them just living in each other’s presense.

Ben shot up, standing straight at the sound of the kitchen door swinging.

“Finn, B-B will be ok.” Rose rubbed soothing circles into John’s shoulder blades as the couple entered. “Ms. Holdo is taking very good care of him.” Rose led a distraught Finn to the kitchen table when she noticed Rey and Ben standing off to themselves in the kitchen. “Oh, hello!” She chirped, Rey surprised at how wide awake Rose was without the use of caffeine.

“Hey, Rose, Finn,” Rey greeted with a wave of her mug. Finn grunted a ‘hey’, his head resting in his arms on the table. Glancing at Ben, who suddenly became interested in the tile patter of the kitchen counter. Turning back to Rose, Rey introduced him. “Rose, this is Ben Solo. Han and Leia’s son.”

The woman lit up, recognizing Ben’s name. “I heard you came in late last night. Also, I heard a bajallion great things about you from Finn. Like you’re a writer and have spoken at all these conferences. I nearly cried reading your thesis on _Jane Eyre_ in the American Literature Journal.”

Ben’s face began to go blank, Rey noting how he became uncomfortable with the praise. “You read my thesis?”

Rose nodded enthusiastically. “I can get a little obsessive about things. I _did_ my research before coming here.” Rey carefully watched Ben shift his weight from foot to foot from the corner of her eye. “I could probably write a biography on the family relationships between the Solo’s, Skywalker’s and Andor’s," Rose continued.

Finn finally rose from his mope mood, “She means that in a totally joking manor. She just Google searched and fell down a rabbit hole.”

Rey stifled a laugh at Finn’s frantic assurances to Ben. The taller man was known to have a temper as a teen and young adult, though his mood swings had mellowed the last few years. Rey recalled an unfortunate summer gathering when she was twelve. Finn had recently moved in with Luke, the man moving back to the States for his estranged son to finish high school. For some reason, Finn was determined to be friends with her and Ben despite the age difference on both ends. Finn was a few years older than her and about five years younger than Ben. He struggled to connect with either of them until Rey offered to let him play board games with she and Ben.

The usually wholesome card came of _Uno_ became a scary battle between the three, Finn discovering how competitive Rey was capable of being and Ben’s throbbing temper.

“Ben.” Jyn’s fierce British lit greeted her godson, her husband trailing in after her. “Glad to see you are awake and finally learned how to grow facial hair.” Jyn patted Ben’s shoulder on her way to boil water for tea.

Rey snorted into her coffee at her mother’s comment.

“Great to see you as always Aunt Jyn, Uncle Cassian.” Ben nodded to both his godparents, the small kitchen growing crowded as more family began to wake. “As lovely as this was seeing you all, and meeting Rose,” The woman smiled brightly at him. “I’m going to have my coffee by the fire before I die of suffocation.” With that, Ben ducked out of the room, bumping into Luke on his way out.

Rey trampled the urge to follow immediately after him. Instead, to keep up with appearances, she kissed both her parents on the cheek and served herself more coffee. After a moment of morning greetings, Rey left the kitchen on the search for Ben…to find the strange sight of him sitting between his parents in the living room.

“Hello Rey,” Padme, in her armchair, acknowledged Rey the second she entered the room. Halting, Rey plastered a smile on her face, nodding to everyone in the room.

“Sorry, I’ll just—”

Rey began her departure when Han clapped his hands.

“I think I solved our problem.”

Rey’s eyes widen, while Ben grumbled in protest.

“Uh, what problem.” Rey asked, apprehensively. With Han, it was a hit or miss. He may be planning his next great adventure, or he was about to land everyone in jail with his antics. There was no inbetween.

Han smirked, rubbing his hands together in anticipation “This Christmas we want to have a little friendly competition amongst everyone since this will be the first Christmas in years that we are all together.”

“Dad—”

“Shush son,” Han waved off Ben. The older man stood to face, Rey, his grin a little too exuberant for her liking. “We want to do some winter games-Olympics type stuff throughout the day.”

“But we were at a standstill since it looked like we might have an odd number and we already started to pair up the teams,” Leia continued, sending her husband a warning glance. Han’s enthusiastic competitiveness sometimes got a little too out of hand for his wife.

“They want us to be a team.” Ben interrupted the long winded explanation, pleading with his eyes for her to say ‘no’.

“It’ll be like old times,” Han exclaimed, throwing an arm around Rey’s shoulder jovially. “Team games, you two use to love team games!”

“No, you guys loved the games while Rey and I ended up injured half the time.” Ben rebutted.

Rey smiled tightly under the gazes of the Organa-Solo’s. Leia quirked an eyebrow at Rey’s obvious hesitance, while Han waited with baited breath beside her.

The only person who seemed output about the entire idea, with good reason, was Ben. Growing up with the Organa-Solos, holidays meant the usual bickering from all sides but also their version of Olympic Games. Being the only children involved the majority of the time, Ben and Rey were often lumped together as a team. Which meant Ben had to accommodate for a tiny person or the two simply forfeited if the task was too difficult to accomplish.

But they were adults now. Adults who knew each other inside and out…Rey felt her competitive nature out weighing Ben’s pouts and grumbles.

“Sure! We can be a team! When do we start?”

 

 

Rey tried brushed her hair out of its tangled mess. Giving up on her hair, she tied it into a short ponytail behind her head. As she secured the hair tie, a knock from the bedroom door brought her out of her rumination.

Without waiting for her response, Ben entered his former bedroom.

“Are you insane? I can barely handle coffee this morning with my mother, but reindeer games?”

Rey huffed, throwing her hairbrush down on the desk. Neither of them were looking for an all-out war, but sometimes their stubbornness came out more volatile than intended. She lifted her gaze to Ben’s reflection, the full length mirror tucked beside the desk. “Ben, I think this might be good. It will get everyone off our backs.”

“Our families are on our backs?” Ben bit his upper lip, reaching for the brush to tame his own dark messy locks. Rey watched him with disbelief; how dare he steal her brush. Ben catching her stare, answered her unspoken question, “You took the good brush.”

Rey shook her head at his need for proper haircare.

“Leia knows I have a boyfriend,” Rey informed him.

Ben paused, his eyebrow raising similarly to his mother’s. He may not have had the best relationship with his parents, but it was difficult deny he received some of their classic attributes. “She caught me trying to use the landline. I couldn’t flat out lie to her. She’d know.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair, musing up the part he just brushed. “Ok. Let’s keep things platonic. Maybe your right—”

“Can you repeat that?” Rey grinned, smug at Ben’s admittance. Ben shook his head, fighting the smile pulling at the corner of his lips. Leaning forward, he pressed a quick kiss to her tempting lips, tiny giggles erupting from Rey as Ben’s hands snaked around her frame.

She stood quiet in his arms for a moment Ben’s head dropped to the crook in Rey’s neck, pressing a feather-light kiss. “Hey, everything will be okay. Only a few days. We do these games, maybe even win one while we’re at it.”

“I like the sound of that.” Rey murmured, rubbing her hands up and down the sleeve of Ben’s forearms.

She felt Ben further burrow into her neck, hiding his face. “Maybe, get our minds off _everything_.” Rey halted her ministration, her back tensing against Ben’s firm torso. He sighed against her neck, ashamed, but bold for bring it up. “I mean, that’s what New York was for.”

She bit her upper lip, a muted buzz bristling against the forefront of her mind. She blinked back the threatening tears as she squirmed her way out of Ben’s arms.

Huffing a brave breath, Rey turned back to Ben. “Let’s get back down stairs before your mum drags you by your ears.”

 

**December 22 nd 2014**

Ben felt a weight on his side before he registered what exactly it was.

Squinting open his eyes, Ben tried to focus his blurry vision on the ceiling before realizing he wasn’t wearing his glasses. Reaching blindly to the open space on his left, he grasped his glasses. For once in Ben’s life, his habit of throwing his spectacles to the side as he dozed into slumber came in handy.

After a blinking moment, his eyes adjusted to the prescription. Remembering the weight by his side, Ben’s gaze drifted to the young woman curled up in fetal position to his right. Her large knitted grey sweater bunched up at her waist and her wool socks had somehow slipped off her feet in slumber. Shivering at the morning cold, Ben gently pulled the throw blanket closer to their bodies.

The hazy, inky sky peeking through the navy blue curtains indicated it was somewhere between four or six in the morning. Far too early of a time to be waking up on Sunday morning, but Ben didn’t mind, his internal alarm clock usually waking him up around this time.

The previous night the two spent the majority of the time eating pizza from the hole in the wall parlor three streets down and watching movies of Netflix. Ben offered his apartment for her humble birthday celebration since Rey lived in the crowded dorms with three other girls she barely knew. Rey had been surprised that Ben kept a tidy home, but understood the moment she went past the kitchen that his belongings mostly consisted of books, books, and more books. His one bedroom apartment, a few blocks away from campus consisted of a kitchen that blended into the dining area and living room. A desk was shoved into the corner of the living room, bookshelves lining most of the free wall space. The hall led to the bathroom, bedroom, hall linen closet, and a small washer-dryer machine cubby.

Practically everything an introverted, bookworm man could need.

Rey immediately camped herself on the single sofa in the living room when she entered the apartment at half past five, spreading her blankets to nest for the evening. Ben eventually found the courage sit with her once the pizza was ordered and Rey already made it halfway through some obscure French film she loved. Throughout the night the two laughed and argued about plot points, actors and the suspension of disbelief in films, hardly enjoying the film but more so seeking entertainment from each other.

Somewhere between eleven and midnight, Rey fell asleep while watching _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ , her body slumping against his shoulder. Not wanting her to sleep on his lumpy, second hand sofa Uncle Luke gave him, Ben gently probed Rey to stand and shuffle to his bed. Fatigued with sleep, she almost bummed into the bedroom door twice. Ben was able to tuck her into bed with her thick burgundy throw blanket at little protest. Walking around to the left side of the bed, Ben laid down, sleep sweeping upon him without further hassle.

Beside him, Rey mumbled in her sleep, her face scrunching up in discomfort. She shifted closer, tucking her head against his chest. By cuddling closer to him, her discomfort slowly melted. Ben held his breath, afraid Rey would wake up. Once a minute passed without fault, Ben then relaxed back against the mattress.

He willed himself to fall asleep, despite his body’s protest. Finally as the clutches of sleep began to grab hold of him again, he heard Rey whisper against his chest, “Thanks, Ben.”

 

 

A not-so-gentle shove on his shoulder shook him awake two hours later. Ben lifted his creased face from his pillow as Rey continued to jostle him up from the bed. “Come on, get up.” She insisted, her physical efforts futile when against his six-foot-four frame.

Giving into her impatience, Ben slowly pushed his upper body into a sitting position. His glasses were slightly skewed on his face, with smudges near the bottom on the glass. Blinking he beheld in the sight of Rey, she sitting upright across from him with two steaming mugs of coffee and small, yet bright smile.

“Here is a ‘thank you’ coffee for not letting me sit alone on my birthday.” Ben took the offered mug, noticing how she kept his Hogwarts mug clutched close to her chest while she gave him his long forgotten _Doctor Who_ mug. “It is the also the only thing I can semi-make that is not baking, so you’re going to need to make breakfast.” She supplied with no hesitation, sipping proudly from her mug.

Ben felt his chest bubbled with laughter, Rey’s polite use of bribery to get him to make food working for him. “I _think_ I might have a pancake mix somewhere in my pantry. I am more of a whole wheat toast and apple kind of guy, but I guess I can make an exception for you.”

Her eyes flashed happily at his comment, though dimmed when her phone pinged. Glancing at the device, reading the message, she frowned, “My mum just told me she’ll be at my dorm in three hours to pick me up.”

“We’ve got enough time.” Ben assured, already getting up to lead Rey to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ben and Rey are together in the present! Just nobody knows...Uh oh.


	6. December 24th 2018 & December 24th 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 24th 2018: The games commence.  
> December 24th 2014: Ben goes home for Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, I'm spoiling all of you :)  
> In actuality, I'm trying to post all the chapters I have done before I go out of state for a week.  
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos!

**December 24 th**

Rey tried to wipe down the snow stuck to her legs. The rest of the teams were putting the final touches to their snow fortresses before the snowball fight commenced. Unsurprisingly, her parents were a team, making a perfectly suitable trench.

Rey resisted the urge to scoff.

Han and Leia made it seem as though the games will _finally_ be fair. Looking across the field, Rey knew that was a load of bullshit. From across the snow she watched as Ben’s parent’s squabbled over the height of the fortress.

“Here,” Ben muttered, a warm thermos of tea pressed to her shoulder. She smiled, taking the tea. “I scoped out the rest of the competition. Seems like the team to watch out for is Skywalker’s 2.0.” Rey’s eyes zoomed in on the father and son, joking and putting the finishing touches on their snow towers. Now _that_ was the surprise team. Both Rey and Ben thought Finn would team up with his girlfriend, but said girlfriend insisted Luke and Finn work together while she was paired up with the ever competitive Poe.

Rey found it odd, but endearing all the same. There no doubt times where she wanted to be on a team with one of her parents, but it was an unspoken rule that the Andor-Erso dream team would never be broken up. Legend said (Really it was Ben, practically fourteen years ago) it was one Thanksgiving games, the two were not a team and the entire trip almost went up into flames (Really, it was the fact Han acted as though he knew how to cook a turkey in lightning speed. He didn’t). Still, Rey never bothered to separate her parents in competitive games unless they proffered.

“It doesn’t look like Poe and Rose are hitting it off.” Rey sipped her drink dubiously, Ben catching her line of sight. Poppy stood off to the side particularly red face as Poe scrambled to make his wall thicker.

Rey shivered, resisting the urge to huddle closer to Ben. The two finished their fort efficiently with sometime to spare, the hideout a mix between a trench and wall-bunker. A pile of premade snowballs sat in one corner, Rey making the ammunition while Ben unnecessarily thickened the wall of the fortress to fool wandering eyes (also known as Han and Jyn).

“Alright!” Han’s grovel voice shouted to the rest of the teams, “Times up! Let do this!”

“Rules Han!” Leia shouted back to her husband. “We don’t want a repeat of 2003’s Capture the Flag!” Rey watched Luke from across the yard flinch at the memory. Back when Anakin was more active and trying to be invested in his children’s lives, the families decided to have an Easter gathering. The rules for capture the flag seemed self-explanatory at the time, but when Anakin rammed into Luke—the afternoon ended with a trip to the hospital and a concussion. The Skywalker’s, Solo’s, and Andor-Erso’s realized it wasn’t as obvious as they initially thought.

“Right, rules.” Han agreed, Leia allowing him to continue. “We stay in the forts until last two teams stand! That means, no kicking, no shoving, no balls to the balls—”

“Han!”

“We are all adults here princess, I can say balls with dignity!” Han huffed, Ben quietly groaning to himself behind his scarf. “Basically, no hand on hand combat. We clear.” A chorus of ‘clears’ and ‘yes’ were called out across the yard. “Chewie will be out ref.” With that Han jogged back to his post with Leia, as the burly Scandinavian man walked on to the scene. The scruffy man shouted a few unintelligible words as everyone ran to their posts before he let out a loud roar that translated to ‘Go’.

 

Snowballs were thrown rapidly from Han and Leia’s fort, they apparently having the same thought process as Rey and Ben. Meanwhile arguing was loud and clear from Poe and Rose’s fort as Poe continually tried to aim for Han’s head while Rose was rambling about strategy. An all-out war was occurring between Andor-Erso Dream Team and Skywalker 2.0, Luke shouting mild obscenities to Jyn to distract her while Finn threw snowballs between fits of giggles.

Rey and Ben on the other hand sat and watched, occasionally throwing a snowball towards Skywalker’s 2.0 or the Odd Pair (as they dubbed team Rose and Poe) waiting for one of the teams to forfeit before giving their all.

“Shit!” The curse exploded from Jyn as her and Cassian’s left side of the fort began to crumble from Finn’s insistent attack on the wall. A loud wail from Chewie informed the other teams, in a strange turn of events, the Dream Team was out.

“We might need to adjust our plan,” Ben muttered as he threw a lone snowball towards the still distracted Odd Pair.

“Agreed. Skywalker’s 2.0 will put their forces on Han and Leia—we should come up with code name for them.”

“The Princess and the Scoundrel.” Ben supplied without a hesitation, throwing another ball at Odd Pair. “But we might need to divide and conquer. My parents are too focused on the Skywalker’s 2.0, if you can get Luke’s attention while I take down the Odd Pair’s fort we might be able to manage.”

Rey nodded, pushing her upper body higher so her head peeked out over the fort. “Hey you old monk!” She shouted, Luke whipping his head towards Rey just as her snowball made contact with his shoulder. He winced, nearly falling on to his back with a yelp. Growling out a “Not today kid!” Luke threw a few snowballs Rey was able to dodge easily. Effortlessly, Rey and Ben switched sides, Ben launching hard snowballs towards Luke while Rey began to taunt Poe’s skills, landing a snowball right on his face. Poe fell back against the side of his fort, the snow crumbling apart at his weight.

Chewie growled; the Odd Pair were out.

“Damn it Solos!” Luke cried a few seconds later, the fort falling apart from the attack on both sides from Ben and Han.

With the Skywalker’s 2.0 out, it left the Princess and the Scoundrel, and Rey and Ben in the game. Both Solo men began to climb out from their forts.

“Ben,” Rey grabbed on to his sleeve, her boyfriend turning to her impatiently. “Don’t be a fucking idiot.”  Ben sighed before charging out towards his father, snowballs tucked under his arm. Ben and Han had never seen eye to eye, to put it lightly. Both extremely competitive and stubborn, yet vastly different. Ben had been studious while Han wanted him to go out and join baseball. Ben wanted to go to public readings while Han tried to get him into racecar competitions. Ben had more Skywalker than Solo in him and Han just never knew what to do with it. Recently, since Ben started living his own life without seeking dependence from his parents, the two got along better yet…

“You ready to eat shit, kid?”

“Han!” Leia scolded, already coming from behind the fort to stop whatever battle between the father and son that would inevitably occur as it did for nearly thirty years.

“Nope, because you will.” Ben shot back, a couple of yards away, before unleashing his snowball on his dad.

That’s when all hell broke loose between Han and Ben. The two ruthlessly chased each other, throwing snowballs and kicking snow towards each other, growling obscenities, both too competitive to surrender in any form.

Rey watched from beside her and Ben’s fort, growing more impatient as Ben dodged his dad’s near tackle. Her anxiety increased when Ben went to tackle Han, but calmed down when Han kicked more snow on his son. She knew Ben struggled with anger issues, and depression, and anxiety, she sometimes unable to withhold from being anxious _for_ him.

“Han, Ben, cool your tits!” Leia shouted, rolling her eyes at her husband and son. Glancing behind her, Rey saw the rest of the group both laughing (Cassin and Finn), shaking their head in disappointment (Jyn and Luke), or simply watching in awe (Rose and Poe) the battle between the Solo’s. Biting the bullet, Rey charged towards the family.

Leia continued shouting at the men to calm down, not noticing Rey running towards them. Ben’s back towards her, Rey caught her opening. Reeling back, Rey jumped on to Ben’s back. A yelp escaped her throat, her arms and legs grappled for purchase on Ben’s back as both crashed into the snow.

Leia shrieked in surprised, Han’s bellowing laughter making it sound like scene from a D rated horror flick. Sounds of feet rushing through the snow echoed against her ears. Groaning, Rey rolled off Ben’s back while he rolled to his side, snow melting in his dark hair. His glasses were fogged and wet, Ben rubbing away the residue poorly with his gloves. Rey was unable to comprehend how his glasses survived the wear and tear he put them through on a daily basis.

Familiar faces popped up from above them. Finn grinned like a maniac, babbling excitedly about how this moment will go down in history, while her parents looked concerned for her wellbeing.

“Let’s make this a fucking tie before I lose my shit.” Rey grounded out, her back already soaking from the snow. Her hazel eyes were sharper than anyone had seen (except for Ben, who had been on the receiving end of her wrath several times over the course of three years); even Jyn flinched a bit at her daughter’s tone, surprised Rey was even capable of being angry to a seething level.

 

A murmur of agreement sounded through the group, Cassian and Finn each helping Rey and Ben from the snow. The herd shuffled back into the warm cabin, Han already chattering about the next event in an hour.

 

“Did you really have to tackle me to the ground?” Ben asked when they were finally alone in the grungy bedroom; the nearly forgotten room was quickly becoming the only space in the cabin they were able to confer and talk without the prying eyes or possible questions from their families. It wasn’t ideal, especially when Rey wanted to fix her hair in peace, but it was all they had at the moment.

“Yes.” Rey answered. “Because you were letting your father get under your skin and I didn’t want you to lose your head.” Rey adjusted the bun on her head, glancing at Ben from the mirror. He sat dejectedly on the edge of the sofa-bed, already changed into warmer clothes. “We are going to have a relaxing holiday if it kills me.”

“Quiet the oxymoron there.” Ben commented. He ran a hand through his head, biting his lips together. “I’m sorry. I did let my dad get the better of me, but I can’t promise he won’t at some point these next few days.” Rey heard Ben stand up from behind her. He pressed his lips against the crown of her head, his hands running up and down her arms in comfort. She wondered if Ben realized his acts of affection towards her resembled his mother and father. Rey recalling moments throughout her childhood of Han holding Leia close to his chest, pressing kisses to her head, similar to how Ben pulled her close. “I can promise I will try not to, Sweetheart.”

She smiled lightly at the term of endearment, yet her eyes remained firm. She did not want him to think he was off the hook for simply apologizing.

 

* * *

 

**December 25 th 2014**

Ben looked at the Christmas postcard. The picture had to be at least a year old, Rey’s hair much darker in the photo than when he saw her a few days previous.

“Jyn sent that a few weeks ago. They didn’t have time this year take a new one, so they used a picture from when the they went to Mexico last spring.” Leia called from behind him, setting the green bean casserole down on the table. The cabin was cozy but reminded Ben of stiff Christmas dinners with his grandparents when he was a boy. He remembered being relieved the years they’d spend an early or late Christmas dinner with Andor-Erso’s, telling himself that was his real Christmas, not the one he was forced to sit through as his grandpa droned on and on about his latest book series or study.

“How are they?” Ben attempted the conversation. He called his mother last minute to confirm he’d be at Christmas dinner, the first in four years.

“Jyn and Cassian really missed Rey this year. You know she’s at _university_ now.” Leia boasted proudly, as though Rey were her own child. Ben momentarily wondered if Leia spoke of him with the same fondness she spoke of Rey; if she was proud he was completing his Masters, or that he had a steady job at a university. “It feels like yesterday I met the little girl with her big eyes and chubby cheeks.” Leia smiled fondly at the memory, before sharply looking up at Ben, her eyes beady behind her thick glasses. “You should call her to catch up. She was practically your sister growing up.”

The term ‘sister’ rubbed Ben the wrong way. Rey was an annoying pest who somehow became his youngest friend during his teen years. He wouldn’t think of calling her his ‘sister’ or even his ‘cousin’. She was just tiny Rey who liked to read more than she liked to play with her toys, a little girl that became his shadow whenever they were forced into a family gathering.

He wouldn’t call her a little girl either… Ben shook that thought out his mind.

“Aunt Leia,” Finn peeked in from the kitchen, the one apparently wrangled into helping Leia with dinner that year. “The oven is beeping. Do I need—”

“Yes! What do you think the beeping means Finnard?!” Leia grounded out, pushing past her nephew into the kitchen.

Finn turned to Ben with a confused frown, “She does know ‘Finnard’ is not my full name right?”

Ben shrugged, knowing his mother’s nicknames were not easy to shed off once they were bestowed. “Honestly, I wouldn’t correct her at this point.”

Finn nodded in resignation. “Hey, it’s good to see you, man. Christmas hasn’t been the same without someone to share in the misery.”

Ben smirked at the comment. He and Finn did not have many things in common, but they did bond over the suffering called Christmas. One year they played a game to see how many times Grandpa Annie subliminally insulted Han at the dinner table until he noticed. They reach twenty-three before Han left the dinner table with a hard smile.

“But your mom’s right. Call Rey, she asked about you quite a bit when I visited her over the summer.”

“You visited Rey?” Ben seemed surprised at the notion Finn and Rey spoke at all.

Finn nodded, “Yup, Luke and I did a cross country kind of road trip this summer before I started my internship in Chicago. We stopped in Lucas for about a week and stayed with Jyn and Cassian. She is not as quiet as she use to be.” Finn shrugged.

“Sure, maybe I’ll give her a call.”

Ben wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell Finn he spent nearly an entire day with Rey for her birthday, or that they were attending the same university. He liked the idea that it was kind of their own thing, a friendship they didn’t have to share all the details about with their families. Both their parents tried for so long to have them like each other in a familial way that maybe they were never meant to be close in that sense.

“Benjamin.” The strong intoned voice of seventy-seven year old Padme Skywalker called to Ben from the living room. Ben crossed to the couch where Padme had her knitting resting on her lap, her burgundy velvet dress as regal on her as it had been twenty years ago.

“Yes, Grandma Paddy?” Ben asked as he sat down in the open cushion next to her. If there was one family member Ben wished he’d spend more time with, it was Grandma Paddy. She never put any pressures on him, simply loving him for all his flaws and successes. He called her once week, just to tell her about his day, or to hear the latest discussion with her book club. Even when he worked through his depression and was shipped from place to place, he still called Grandma Paddy.

She smiled sagely, her nimble hands pulling one of his hands on her lap. “I know that look in your eye.”

Ben quirked his lips in humor; his grandmother had always been wise, but sometimes she acted as though she had premonition. “What look in my eye, Grandma?”

“It’s the same look Annie had when he first met me and the one your mother wore when she first talked about your father. You _found_ her.” She whispered conspiratorially, squeezing his hand tightly in hers.

“Grandma—” Ben began to argue only for Grandma Paddy to shush him.

“No. I am never wrong about these things.” She squeezed his hand once more before her right hand flew to her left. Glancing over her shoulder, she slowly began to work off one of the rings on her left ring finger.

Ben’s eyes blew wide at his grandma’s actions. “What are you-?”

“This ring was the first engagement ring your grandfather gave me, before he could afford a diamond.” Padme explained as she held the pearl ring, tiny stones clustered on either side of the pearl. “It was his mother’s, his father giving it to her before he went to war. It symbolizes patience for our family.” Ben blinked back in surprise; neither one of his grandparents talked about their individual families from before their marriage. “I know you found her, but it will take time. I can tell by the way you mentioned her earlier.” Ben’s calm attitude morphed into alert mode, but the pressure of his grandmother’s hand on his eased him back to the present. “There is nothing _wrong_ with how you feel, and I know in my _heart_ she’ll feel the same way.” Padme gently pressed the ring into his palm.

“Were-were not even dating. We just spent the weekend catching up, how did—”

His grandmother’s knowing smile silenced him. “Did I ever tell you how Annie and I met?” Ben shook his head. “I first met Anakin when I was in high school, he was in middle school at the time. He was new in town and didn’t know too many people, so I introduced myself because it was the right thing to do.” Padme glowed at the memory, Ben getting lost in the story with her. “He smiled brightly at me, and told me ‘You are beautiful and kind, I am going to marry you someday’.” Ben snorted at his grandfather’s reckless directness. “I laughed at his silliness. I was four years older, with a boyfriend I was going steady with, but I never forgot that encounter with him, even when we ran into each other nearly ten years later.” Ben gently wiped away the tears that began to pool in his grandmother’s light brown eyes. “I love that fool of man, no matter how stubborn and in his head he gets, I will _still_ love him.” She squeezed his hand again. “Keep the ring.”

 

 

“So how were the holidays with your family?” Nearly two weeks after Christmas, Rey sat across from him at the coffee shop a little off campus where they first ran into each other. She insisted they keep in touch and hang out now that they knew how close they lived from each other. Even if that meant meeting for an afternoon coffee as she studied age old wars and pacifists, and he graded papers on long dead authors.

Ben looked up to Rey’s relaxed face and calm hazel eyes. Half of her was hair in a knot on top of her head and the rest flowing to brush against her shoulders. She genuinely wanted to know how his break was and wanted to spend her afternoon with him. He realized he could, and wanted to, spend every afternoon with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Padme's relationship with Ben is probably one of my favorite things!


	7. December 24th 2018 & December 11-15th 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 24th 2018: Finn makes things awkward.  
> December 11th-15th 2015: Ben decides to follow the family legacy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has fluff, angst, metahumor, and awkwardness.  
> You have been warned! :)  
> Also, to anybody who reads my other fic, Across Alternate Universes, I am currently working on the next chapter!  
> Thanks!

  **December 24 th**

“Stop eating the cookies Finnard!” Leia scolded, slapping her nephew’s hand away from the plate, as she set out the rest of the decorations and frostings on the table.

Rose chortled, playfully slapping Finn’s shoulder. “Your name’s _Finnard_? I don’t know if I can be associated with a guy named Finnard.”

Ben snorted into his glass of water while Finn pouted at the dining table. “Nope, but my mother loves to call him that.” Ben explained, taking a seat from across the couple. “It’s kind of her thing, giving nicknames.”

“I don’t have a nickname.” Rey commented from beside Ben, finishing the last of her turkey sandwich.

“Yes you do.” Both Finn and Ben chorused.

“No I don’t. I think I would know if I had a nickname.” Rey glanced between the two over grown children that passed for men, as they shared knowing looks at each other. “Do I have a nickname I don’t know about?” Silence and looks again. Frustrated, Rey pursed her lips. “I guess neither of you are going to get your Christmas presents then if you’re not going to—”

“It’s Reydar.” Ben supplied before she could finish her threat.

“Ben!” Finn scoffed shaking his head. “You are weak sauce!”

“I’d kind of like my Christmas present, thank you very much.” Ben shot back with a helpless shrug.

“Why’d she call me that?” Rey asked.

“Besides the pun of it?” Finn questioned, Rey nodding. “Well because when we were younger you’d follow Ben everywhere. It was like you had a Ben radar or something.” Rose cooed at Finn’s explanation as Rey felt a blush creeping up her neck, “You always knew where he was. If we could find one of you, the other wouldn’t be far behind.”

“Awe, that’s adorable!” Rose gushed, not noticing how Rey and Ben kept their gazes locked anywhere but each other. “It sounds like you two use to be close, like brother and sister.”

Rey felt like a cold water crashed over her at Rose’s comment, the urge to flee coursing through her bones.

“Ahh, I, uh wouldn’t say we were like that.” Ben commented, pulling at his ear, trying to control his breathing.

“Like what?” Jyn asked as she and Luke entered the dining area.

“How Ben and Rey where like bro and sis growing up.” Finn answered.

Jyn frowned, shaking her head. “I wouldn’t say that. They didn’t spend enough time with each other. Maybe cousins.”

Rey felt herself sinking further into her chair, the anxious jiggling of Ben’s right leg under the table keeping her aware of the reality.

“I’d say neither.” Luke answered, everyone turning to look at him surprise. Leia even halted her rearranging of the table to look at her brother. Even Han and Cassian kindling the fire in the living room stopped their ministrations at Lukas declaration. “They never spent enough time together to warrant any familial bond. I don’t think it’s really shocking they never consider each other family while the rest of us did.” Luke hummed for a moment before smirking, “In fact, I find it _more_ shocking they haven’t jumped each other’s bones yet.”

Rey chocked on her tea, while Ben’s face turned beat red as a laughter erupted from the rest of the rooms occupants.

“Thanks for that riveting explanation Uncle Luke.” Ben grumbled out, embarrassed by his Uncle’s opinion, though slightly grateful at least one person in this hodgepodge mix of families didn’t find the possibility of he and Rey in a romantic relationship totally outlandish.

 

 

“He _has_ to know.” Rey insisted to Ben when they were finally alone in the kitchen, under the pretenses that they needed maple syrup for their gingerbread men.

“Uncle Luke?” Rey nodded matter-of-factly, opening the pantry door to find the syrup. “No,” He said with conviction. Then after a moment, he spoke again. “No?” Ben hesitated, second guessing his sureness. “Why hasn’t he confronted us about it then?” It was no secret Luke was a religious man, and tried to live righteously. The Skywalker twins had been raised in the Catholic Church. Anakin the religious parent in the family, sent Luke and Leia to Catholic School up until middle school when Padme and Anakin briefly separated. Leia eventually cut ties with the church while still being spiritual, while Luke went back and forth before ultimately deciding to follow his own path—which meant spending six months in Europe visiting old monasteries and publishing a memoir of his journey.

Luke also became the resident confessional, often cornering family members when he knew they were guilty of _something_.

“He hasn’t cornered us because he wants to make inside jokes about it!” Rey hissed to Ben, arms crossed over her chest. “He _loves_ to mock, Ben.”

“Rey, maybe his comment hit a little too close on the nail but—”

“What’s taking you two so long?” The two whipped their heads to Luke standing by the door of the large pantry. Ben and Rey glanced at each other before looking back at Luke. They were suspicious, Luke’s playful grin more taunting than welcoming.

“The maple syrup—” Rey began before simply cutting herself off with a shrug.

Ben, restless with the uncertainty Rey planted in his mind, decided to take the risk. “How did you know Rey and I are together?”

“Ben!” Rey hissed.

“Well, you two aren’t really as good as you think you are at hiding it,” Luke admitted with little denial and a shrug. “When I visited last November, to talk about the next book—your apartment had a woman’s touch, far too many bright things. And you had pictures of you two together on the fridge.” Rey pursed her lips as Luke continued to list. “Then there was May when I surprised you for your birthday. That convoluted excuse that you had to go to dinner with _Hux_. Ben, He lives in _England_. Plus, when you walked away to use the restroom, you left your phone.”

Ben gapped at his Uncle, “You went through my phone?”

“Of course not,” Luke waved off, “Rey texted you while you were gone. From there it was pretty easy to piece together.” Eyeing the two carefully, Luke asked, “How long has this been going on?”

“Almost three years.” Ben answered, Luke’s blue eyes widening at the admission.

“Really? Aren’t you two tired of keeping it under wraps?”

Ben and Rey glanced at each other, an understanding passing between the couple, before Rey spoke. “Things have come up recently that we would like to keep between just us for a little while longer.”

The melancholy tension between the couple did not go unnoticed by Luke. “Oh.” He uttered softly, not needing the couple to explain. “Well, when you do decide to tell everyone. You got a man in your corner.” His gentle smile eased the tension, Luke stepping forward to wrap Rey in a comforting hug. He then patted Ben on the arm, “You two are good people who deserve to be happy.”

“That’s what we’re trying to do this holiday.” Ben answered, a little weight edging off both his and Rey’s shoulders. Maybe allowing at least someone in their mix of families to know could ease their anxiety.

 

 

“Cassian that’s too much frosting,” Jyn scolding turned into a giggle when he husband pecked a kiss to her cheek, dolloping frosting on her nose.

The cookie decorating contest was in full swing. The teams working diligently with delight, this activity far calmer than the snowball fight that morning. The Odd Pair still remained together but separate, Rose working on her own cookies while Poe worked on his. The Princess and Scoundrel argued over frosting color, and half of the blue dye was gone before anyone else had the chance to use it. Skywalker’s 2.0 were struggling to _not_ eat there cookies before they were judged. The Dream Team had somehow turned to into a flirt-fest, Rey hardly ever saw her parents coo at each other in such a way. Cassian often tried to coax Jyn into public displays of affection, though the woman hardly budged, well until now it seemed.

Rey and Ben returned to finish their cookies, Ben frosting the base while Rey focused on piping the details with icing. Luke would occasionally send the two concerned glances, but one hard glare from Ben stopped his uncle’s stares.

Once everyone was done with their cookies, Grandma Padme was led by Leia to each tray of cookies, the eighty-one year old woman inspecting each with an impressive, well-practiced poker face.

“Hmm, Luke and Finn.” Padme decided without much thought. Rey dropped her cookie in shock.

“What?” Leia charged forward to her brother’s tray to find the gingerbread men arranged as though they were in an epic battle, one without a hand and the other with a licorice sword.

“They had the most fun.” Padme declared, sending dubious stares at the rest of her family. Luke leaned over and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek, urging Finn to do so as well.

“This is nepotism.” Han grumbled, gnawing on the head of a gingerbread man.

“No,” Finn argued with a sweet smile. “Grandma Paddy just recognizes true art, and she loves us all the same.”

There were some mutters of disagreement, especially from Leia. Rey leaned back into her chair biting off the leg of one of her gingerbread men as the jovial mode began to rise again. Beside her, Ben sipped some Earl Grey tea, not necessarily happy about losing, but satisfied with his father not winning.

Rose’s giggles from the corner of the dining table roused Rey from her thoughts, Finn and Rose particularly cozy with one another. When she first heard about Rose, Rey knew she was something special, Finn not seeming so-boyish and unsure with his relationship with her, but gentlemanly and confident with the woman by his side. Watching them interact with each other gave Rey reassurance she didn’t know she needed; Finn became a little brother to her, despite he being older than her. Finn was naïve but sweet, and Rey had been scared he’d fallen into a relationship he did not know how to handle. Her worries were for naught, Rose more than Rey imagined for optimistic Finn, complementing his silly humor with her outrageous facts.  

The sudden warm hand on her shoulder almost caused Rey to jump out of her skin. Looking up she saw her father, his lips pursed in thought, a habit she picked from him. “Mija, your Mama and I want to talk to you later. We feel like we haven’t had a moment to even really see you since you came from university.” Cassian squeezed Rey’s shoulder.

 

* * *

 

**December 11 th 2015**

“What do you think?”

“I, uh, am flattered. But why me? Why not, I don’t know, Finn?” Ben felt the thrill of the offer, but his ingrained resistance to his family caused him to question.

“Have you read Finn’s writing?” Ben shook his head, Luke’s devoid emotion telling. “He may be my son but he did _not_ get the Skywalker writing gene.”

Ben stifled a chuckled, biting the side of his cheek. He cared for his cousin, might even go as far and say he loves him, but Finn was not much of an academic or enjoyed the pursuits of reading. He was a practical man, and liked to work in the practical world. Ben wondered if Finn was, in another world, meant to be Han’s son and Ben Luke’s. 

“I suppose the legacy must continue.” Luke’s blue eyes lit up at the comment, disregarding how unenthusiastic Ben had been.

When Luke mentioned stopping by for a couple of days, Ben had thought the old man needed a place to relax after his travels before heading out to the family cabin. His uncle had just came back from Argentina, visiting the monasteries scattered across the country. He had been gone for nearly a year, leaving in the New Year and coming back in the beginning of December—well technically three days ago.

Luke had convinced him to go out for lunch, on campus, so if Ben needed to be pulled away for any meetings with undergrads who were panicking about their grade in British Literature, he could duck away quickly. The little café was one Ben frequented during the crazy times of the semester, only a five minute walk from his office, compared to his regular coffee shop a few blocks away that was closer to his apartment. Luke looked more cleaned up than he did a few days previous when he came over to Ben’s for dinner the afternoon he returned. His beard trimmed down and the tacky Hawaiian shirt exchanged for a smart green sweater, resembling the uncle Ben grew up around, rather than the spiritual adventure writer the public had grown fond of.

“Ben, it’s not like you will be writing under your own name.” Luke told him as he cut his sandwich into smaller squares, trying to ground the conversation. “It’ll be the same pseudonym as both me and Grandpa Annie did.”

Ben was well aware of the pseudonym, Grandpa Annie droning on and on about the brilliant idea for ages. If the man wasn’t so high in his age, he might still drone on about it. Anakin had been a popular novel writer, with Ben Kenobi his writing partner. When things began to crash and burn between the duo, Anakin thought his career was over. Until it was suggested by his assistant at the time, Asoka, to write whatever he wanted to under a false name. The political and moral thrillers were shredded away for Anakin to write his _epic_ —his _space_ epic.

It included romance, friendship, fictional-political tensions, and the true test of morality. Not necessarily a commercial success, mostly due to the fact he killed nearly all his main characters at the end of the trilogy, but definitely a cult classic among the Sci-Fi community, and  surprisingly, the female demographic.

Anakin wanted to the story to continue, but did not know how, deciding to pass the pseudonym to his own son, Luke. That’s when the franchise took off.

The saga continued, the next trilogy focusing on the aftermath of tragedy, and the previous main character’s children. The struggle between right and wrong was at the core of the series, and had one of the greatest plot twists in any media form: The villain was the hero of the first series. Fans were at an uproar, but calmed down once redemption became a core value of the series, a true mark of Luke Skywalker’s writing.

After Luke’s helm, the series became popular to mainstream media, Ben recalling several of his classmates gushing over the writing when he was in undergrad. Movie deals were offered to Luke and Anakin, but were turned down because both said (of course done with secrecy, wanting to keep the pseudonym intact) that the story was not done yet. With those implications, fans of the trilogies waited with baited breath for the new series. That was five years ago. To settle the public, the statement had been released about a year ago that the new series was in the writing process while a novella, written by Ben’s mother and Jyn Erso under the same pseudonym, was released.

Now they wanted him to continue the story. It was quite a bit to live up to.

“I will have to think about it.” Ben admitted, stirring his tea with some cream. “I have never considered myself a fiction writer, but I guess I can try.” Ben had taken the required creative writing courses for his major, passing with flying colors but didn’t do much else with it, focusing more on his scholarship type papers.

 

“You have to do it!” Rey exclaimed, almost knocking over her bowl of rice and orange chicken in the process.

“As my friend, you are supposed to tell me to do what makes me happy.”

Ben and Rey met for their usual Wednesday night dinner. The night mostly consisted of eating whatever they can find in Ben’s kitchen and fridge and trying to make something that resembled food. Luckily, Ben had gone grocery shopping earlier that week, or else they would be eating steamed broccoli and gravy. Now they were having steamed rice and broccoli with orange chicken, a definite step up.

Rey rolled her eyes, “No as your _best friend_ , my job is to tell you when you are being fucking stupid.” She stuffed a piece of chicken in her mouth. She waved her fork at him, “You’re being fucking stupid.”

Ben withheld his tongue, sitting down at the barstool beside Rey’s. He knew he needed to tell Rey how he felt about her, his grandmother’s ring glaring holes through his sock drawer. The two struck up this weird friendship where he and Rey went out for coffee on Monday afternoons, had dinner at his place on Wednesdays, and weekends usually meant her taking up space in his life. Whether that meant bingeing on Netflix or going to some event less than an hour away. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he didn’t see Rey for more than forty-eight hours, the woman popping up without prompting before too much time passed.

She genuinely enjoyed his company, and wanted to be around him, which surprised him, but did not deter his friendship with her.

“It’s just kind of a bit to live up to Rey.” Ben shrugged, “People think A.D. Vader is some enigmatic writer, who lives in a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere. Not a single guy in his late twenties, with mental health issues, living in Southern California, who writes about Jane Austen’s books for _fun_.”

Rey pursed her lips, “They also don’t know that A.D. Vader was also an absent father who wrote political thrillers, or a spiritual journey travel writer that did not know he had son until seven years ago. Honestly, you look like the only Vader who has his life together.” Rey smirked bumping her shoulder with Ben’s. He reminded focused on his bowl of food, trying to ignore her probing. “Okay flattery is not working,” She pushed her bowl away planting her hands on the counter, getting up from her chair. Ben watched as she pulled out a yellow legal pad from his desk drawer, stealing a pen from his novelty Slytherin mug. Clicking the pen open she turned to Ben, leaning over the counter towards him. “Let’s think; what would you want in the next trilogy?”

Ben blinked, “Like a writer or as a fan?”

“As a lover of stories.” Rey countered, knowing he wasn’t necessarily the biggest fan of his grandfather’s writing style, but appreciated the effort and finesse of Luke’s.

Ben rubbed his jaw, thinking. The struggle was he knew most of the characters in both trilogies were based off of _real_ people. They were his family novelized, dramatized, and set in _space._ He didn’t want to make the same mistakes as his uncle and grandfather, but he also wanted to honor what they already started.

“Well, Harry and Leslie is a starting point,” Ben began, Rey writing down the character names. “But I think there needs to be a time jump, like there was between the first and the second trilogies.”

“How about thirty years?” Rey spoke up, Ben nodding slowly. “In thirty year people can change; gives you more control over the characters, and allows room for other storylines.”

“It also allows there to be another generation.” Ben added, biting the inside of his cheek. He didn’t want to write based off his family the same way Luke and Anakin did, but they already set up that structure. It would almost be cruel if he didn’t do the character’s justice in following some semblance of their real life counter parts. “Harry and Leslie have a son, who has gone down a dark path, following down the same path of a grandfather he never knew.”

Rey quickly wrote that down. “Ok, so we have a son, the main character?”

“Yes…” Ben hesitated a moment, “No?” He stood up from his chair and began to let his feet lead him around the tiny apartment. “He is a main character, he is just not the protagonist nor the antagonist. What if the antagonist is not something physical but internal?” Ben continued to speak, not leaving room for Rey to respond. “Something he has to work through himself, despite the war going on around him.”

“Then who’s the protagonists?” Rey asked, trying to follow Ben’s thought process. He turned to Rey, lips set in a firm line.

Then he saw it. A girl, who was orphaned, left alone on a forgotten planet. A nobody… but a somebody to the lost boy. A girl gets thrown into the mess of the Starfleet family because of her inexplicable connection to the boy.

“A girl.”

“Is she his sister?” Rey asked, familiar with the series to know one of the most horrid plot twists his uncle had ever written.

“God, no.” Ben uttered, “No making _that_ plot-hole mistake.” Ben bit his lip, going for the idea. “Now don’t get upset,” Rey frowned at Ben, confused by his statement. “But I kind of want the girl based off of you, if that’s okay?”

Rey flushed, then blanched. “ _Why_? Not that I am not, uh flattered, is that the right word, but uh _why_?”

“Because if I am going to write this the way my uncle and grandfather did, I want to do it the _right_ way.”

 

 

Four days later Ben sent the preliminary outline for the first book of the new series to his uncle. He and Rey ended up camping in his living room, legal pads and all his copies of the Starfleet series strewn across his coffee table. For the first time ever, Ben called in sick. He tried to send Rey away to her classes, only to be met with a hard hazel glare. They were able to come up with the new set of characters once they agreed to base them off of people they knew, but doing so with as much grace as they were possibly capable of achieving.

“Ok, so we have Flynn and Kat as main protagonists of the first book, kind of gearing it to towards it being Flynn as the hero, similar to Levi, but throw everyone for a loop because it is _really_ Kat who is touched by the light.” Rey reiterated what they planned out on the latest version of the outline, her form slouched on the sofa, legal pad resting on her stomach.

“Yes, then Ronan and Kat battle only to discover they are evenly matched in every way.” Ben spoke, lying on the floor in the space between the sofa and the coffee table. “Well that’s supposed to be the climax of the book. The plan.”

“And you are going to push back the entire telepathic connection thing between Kat and Ronan until the next one?” Rey questioned for the possibly the fifth time since Ben decided to put the idea in the ‘second book’ pile.

“Yes, why are you so against that?” Ben sat up with a groan. “In the progression of the plot I’ve outlined, it does _not_ make sense to start divulging into it.”

Rey huffed, undoing the bun on the top her head. “Well with the way we were talking about Ronan and Kat, it seemed like there was more…”

“More what?” Ben pressed tiredly. They had been arguing and discussing characters for over twenty-four hours.

Rey abruptly sat up, “Well _romance_! This is Starfleet, there should be an epic romance!” On that note, she stood up from the sofa and began looking for her shoes.

Ben stunned by her outburst, stood to catch up with Rey. She pushed away some stacks of Victorian Era criticism books the two pursued earlier to find her shoes, huffing and grumbling while trying to tie her shoe laces.

“Why do I feel like this is not about Ronan and Kat?” Ben commented unsure of how to handle a wild Rey.

“Because it’s _not_ Ben.” Rey sighed, frustrated with her inability to tie her shoes in her emotional state. Biting her lip she turned to Ben with red eyes, the confident woman he was accustom to suddenly looking weary. “Am I just going to be your friend, or, or the little girl you got stuck babysitting?” She blinked back tears of frustration. “Because these past few days kind of gave me hope you saw me as--”

“As more?” Ben breathed.

“Well, yeah!” Rey shouted. “You said Kat’s based off of _me_. Ronan is obviously based off of you! And you went on and on how they are the crux of the entire trilogy, they will be the _epic romance_ your uncle and grandfather were incapable of writing. Tell me what I am to think of _that_ because it’s really giving me mixed signals!”

Ben froze. He never thought that maybe, Rey actually did see him as more than grumpy Ben she grew up with. He had written off any possible feelings, but with her shouting at him, red in the face about how much of an idiot he is, his brain stopped working.

“My god Ben,” She breathed, after his silence progressed a moment too long for her liking, turning on her heel to leave.

Reality crashed upon Ben liked a roaring wave, his nervous system finally connecting back to his brain. Reaching forward, with all the courage he had, he caught her right hand in his left.

She stopped. Nervously, she peeked over her shoulder to see desperation behind his glasses in his warm, brown eyes. Slowly he intertwined their fingers, her hand small when encased by his much larger hand.

“ _If, if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more_.” Ben uttered, unable to think of anything in the moment, but that quote.

Silence fell between them. Rey looking back at Ben, finally facing him fully.

Then a quiet watery cackle grew from Rey, a stunned smile playing on her lips.

“Did you just quote _Emma_ to me?”

Ben gulped, blushing from the tips of his ears, but still squeezing her hand in his. “Yes.”

“You fucking nerd.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Luke knows.  
> And we now know what Ben does for a living- he's an author just like his grandpa and uncle!


	8. December 24th 2018 & December 21st 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 24th 2018: Ben deals with fan-boy Poe.  
> December 21st 2016: Rey has a surprise for Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAAAAT? A switch of point of views?  
> Yes, a switch of point of views :)

**December 24 th **

“How’s the second book going Ben?” Han asked, the first question from him that was not rhetorical or about Ben’s personal life he liked to keep private from his family.

Most of the guests in the house had congregated in the living room, appetizers and snack foods set on the circular coffee table. The big Christmas dinner was the following night, but the festivities of Christmas Eve were far more relaxing, mostly consisting of snacking, talking, and waiting until midnight to open presents. Ben had found himself squished into a sofa with Luke and Finn. He almost followed Rey back upstairs, but overheard how she and her parents were going to watch a Christmas movie and have hot chocolate together as a little family unit before joining everyone else downstairs.

“Uh, good. It nearly sold out on the presale for the holidays.” It was alot to meet the deadline a few months back for the book to be ready for the Christmas season, with Rey trying to finish her last bit of university, he still teaching undergrad classes, and looking at possible apartments on the east coast. Time for rewriting had fallen to wayside. But with both he and Rey finding time between the hectic-ness, the two were able to get it done and actually be proud of the work they did together.

“Still upset you killed my character in the last one.” Han grumbled, poking the wood around in the fire.

“Well I had to kill off someone, and I distinctly recall you begging Uncle Luke to kill you off when he was writing.” Ben smirked as his father bristled at his comment.

Poe looked up from the game cabinet, searching for a board game to pass the time or possibly be the next team competition. “You write?”

“Yeah,” He glanced at Luke, who gave an affirming nod. “I write the current Starfleet series.”

Poe dropped the board games clutched in his hand, eyes wide. “You wrote—you’re A.D. Vader?”

“Technically,” Luke cleared his throat, smirking a little. “There are a few A.D. Vaders.”

“No way. That fan theory is true?” Poe gasped, referring to the theory someone came up with that was possibly the most accurate anyone could get to the truth. On some fandom site in the depths of the internet, a fan claimed that there was ‘no way’ A.D. Vader was one person. The style of writing between the three trilogies and novella were inconsistent, something several fans pointed out when the first book of the new trilogy was published. True, the writing became increasingly better throughout the series, but that didn’t stop speculation. The most common theory was Eastwood Publishing completely owned the franchise and gave each book to a ghost writer under the name ‘A.D. Vader’; similar to how the title of ‘Bond’ was passed down in the _007_ films. Over a few months, the hunt for the real ‘A.D. Vader’s began, different forums popping up, speculating all the writers under the pseudonym were actually authors already published, as A.D. Vader never had celebrity fame. No one ever confirmed the theory, it kind of getting buried under the hype of the next book. Ben had no doubt the next book will strike the conversation again, especially since Rey had a bigger hand of helping him writing it. “There are several authors?”

“Yes,” Luke admitted, “If you pay attention closely, you can figure out who’s who in real life.” He winked at the awestruck Poe. Ben did not really desire the celebrity that came with A. D. Vader, nor did the other Skywalker men. Luke only loved the joke and secrecy of it all, as though the inside joke were enough for him.

“I finished the new one in a day and half with no sleep.” Ben’s eyes widen at Poe’s dedication, forgetting there were people who were waiting in anticipation. “I cried for _hours_ after that ending Ben.”

Luke patted Ben on back proudly. “It’s _really_ good. Some of my friends even say it’s the best in the entire series.”

“Definitely.” Finn agreed, his mouth full of mini cream pie. “You know I am not a big reader, but I read that entire copy you sent me.” His brows furrowed, rubbing his jaw. “But I have a serious question, nothing to do with the plot, but who’s Kat?”

Ben gaffed, running a hand through his hair. “And you read the _entire_ book?”

Finn shook his head, “No you ass, who is she in real life? We all know the characters are based off our family _Mr. Ronan_.” Finn mocked, Poe nearly having a heart attack as he observed the conversation. “She _has_ to be based off of someone we know. Or at least you know.”

Luke ran a hand over his beard, his blue eyes widening a fraction as he connected the dots.

“What if I told she is based off of no one, hmm?” Ben taunted, standing up from the sofa Poe and Finn starting to follow him out of the room.

“That’s bullshit.” Finn called out. “She’s _way too_ important to not be someone. Plus the entire first book had Flynn and her as friends! That means I must know her.”

“Just because ‘Flynn’ and ‘Finn’ are both ‘f’ names does not mean that was you.” Ben argued, pouring more coffee into his mug from the thermos on the dining table. Finn scowled from beside him. Ben was growing more and more uncomfortable with Finn’s queries along with closet-fan Poe trailing along to get details. “How about I throw you a bone Finnard? Kat’s based off my girlfriend. The very _same_ girlfriend I don’t want any of you to meet because of _this_.” He gestured to the room and the living room. He could hear from the other room Han and Leia arguing over which movie to watch, Chew’s snoring echoed from the study, and Luke telling Rose about an ancient ritual for the winter solstice that was obviously making the too sweet woman queasy.

“We’re not that bad.” A loud crash sounded from upstairs, all three men whipping their heads to the ceiling above them. The sound of feet thumping down the stairs caught everyone’s attention as Rey came stomping down the steps, Jyn not far behind.

“We _need_ to talk about this.” Jyn huffed, catching Rey on the shoulder. The fiery woman pivoted back to her mother.

“No. We are _not_ talking about this.” Rey hissed back, the two stuck by the stairs where everyone can easily catch an ear full of their conversation.

“You have been lying to us for _years_ , Rachel.” Ben, from across the cabin, felt Rey’s flinch. She despised her birth name, Cassian deciding on the little nickname early in her adoption. He had only heard Jyn call her Rachel once, when he spent those six months at their house. Rey had tried cook on her own without any supervision, Jyn practically having a heart attack when she and Ben came back from shopping. “It is not something to take lightly.”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but there are _a lot_ of things I have kept from you and Papa. Not because I don’t love you, but because I am an _adult_ with my own problems and relationships I don’t want you to worry about.”

Ben didn’t have to look to see the matching heartbreak on mother and daughter’s faces, or the hard lines of concern on Cassian’s forehead.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d really like some wine right now.” The men scrambled to look casual as they heard Rey approaching the dining room, where the bottles of wine were arranged. Finn quickly shoved a sugar cookie in his mouth and Poe tried to make himself hot chocolate at the hot drink station Leia set out. When she came in, Rey did not bother to spare a glance at any of them, plucking a wine glass from the table and choosing the first red wine she saw. She momentarily struggled to open the bottle, before shoving it into Ben’s arms. “Can you open it for me?” She spoke quietly, the steam from her anger slowly ebbing away.

Ben nodded, setting his coffee down to pop the cork off. He carefully poured red wine into the glass, handing it to Rey once halfway full. She muttered a thanks as she sipped her wine without further fuss. Finn and Poe watched with odd fascination as the sweet but quiet Rey they knew calm down from her heated argument, neither one ever seeing the fury of Rey in motion.

“They understand I’m an adult don’t they?” She mumbled, more into her glass than any of the men around the table. “Because I am an adult. I have a job, and a budding career. I am in a happy and healthy relationship, for nearly three fucking years, and they fucking criticize it because I didn’t _tell_ them. Like they have the _right_ to tell me I am _wrong_ and still a child. Hell, I am almost done with my heinous history degree, and I just moved into a new apartment with my boyfriend. A _nice_ apartment. Do you know how difficult it is to get a _nice_ apartment in _Southern_ California? It’s a bitch.” Her speech was clear, but fast, even Ben having a difficult time following the flow of her accent. “Fucking hard.” Rey swallowed down the rest of her wine, setting the glass down with a sense of finality.

“Well that’s great?” Finn hesitantly spoke up, Rey’s sharp hazel eyes piercing in on him.

“Yeah, you totally sound like an adult Rey.” Poe panicky, affirmed with sincerity from beside Finn.

Awkwardly she nodded in appreciation to the two, suddenly remembering she wasn’t alone with her boyfriend complaining about her parents. “Uh, thanks guys.” She poured more wine into her glass, and raised it in a silent toast towards them. “I think I am going to go hide in the attic now. Don’t tell anyone.” She grumbled, brushing past Ben on her way to the stairs.

“Please tell me we all saw the same thing.” Finn uttered, stunned by Rey’s speech. “Because I have never experienced an upset, drinking, cursing Rey. I thought she didn’t even know the ‘f’ word.”

Ben frowned, “Finn, she’s _twenty-two_. I’m pretty sure she has done _more_ than just say the ‘f’ word.”

“But don’t you find it hard sometimes? She was pipsqueak.”

“You’re totally discrediting what she just said.” Ben spoke with irritation, not understanding how Finn was still disregarding Rey’s speech.

“No I get it. But in my head she’ll always be that little girl who had her nose in a book.” Finn answered honestly, sipping someone’s forgotten mulberry wine. 

Ben fought the urge to argue, reminding himself Finn did not know Rey in the same capacity. Luke sought out more time with the Andor-Ersos when Finn came into their lives; Finn had been fifteen, uprooted from a foster home in Chicago and placed to live with a biological father he did not know existed. Luckily, Luke and Finn hit it off easier than most of the family expected, neither ones for antagonism or conflict. Rey had been eleven at the time while Ben was nineteen, it made sense to try and have Finn connect with Rey rather than the struggling-to-get-his-life-together young man. Luke and Finn visited the Andor-Erso’s every summer, for seven years, up until Rey started taking internships over the summer. They created the familial bond the families had tried so hard to forage between him and Rey. 

Not that Ben was jealous, _oh god no,_ but rather content with the turn of events.

 

* * *

 

**December 21, 2016**

“Keep your eyes closed!” Rey scolded, standing behind Ben on the tips of her toes, trying and failing at cover his eyes. She’d been leading him to her dorm, where she had his surprise stashed. Her roommates had already left for the winter break, leaving her dorm the perfect place to hide Ben’s present.

Rey struggled again, nearly stumbling in his longer legs. She cursed his tallness, despite loving the way he practically enveloped her every time he entered her bubble.

“I’m trying!” Ben laughed, his warm hands clasped over Rey’s smaller, colder hands.

“If you peek—I’m taking it back,” Rey paused, realizing the flaw in her statement, “I mean I can’t _really_ take it back.”

“What did you get me that you can’t take back?” Ben tried to turn around to face Rey. She roughly shoved his shoulder to face forward. Getting the message, Ben turned back around with a huff. “Also, shouldn’t I be the one to get _you_ a gift—it’s your birthday. I am pretty sure there is a clause somewhere in the dating hand book that say ‘boyfriend gives girlfriend a gift on her birthday’.”

Rey stifled a laugh into the back of his coat as they finally reached her dorm. “I think there is no rule against me getting you a gift. If you need to, think of it as an early Christmas present.” Rey declared, “Now keep your eyes closed. I need to open the door.”

Ben smiled down at her, eyes still closed—following her instructions. “You know you didn’t _have_ to cover my eyes on the way here if the surprise is locked in the dorm. I could have walked here with my eyes—”

“You know, sometimes I like you better when you don’t go logical on me.” Rey watched as his smile quirked into a wicked smirk.

“I think you find it hot when I go logical on you.” Ben shot back, his confidence causing Rey to squirm with want.

Rey’s nose scrunched up, an eager smile playing on her lips. Nodding she agreed, “You’re right, I do.” Leaning up to him, she pressed a hard kiss on his mouth. She quickly stepped away, Ben nearly capturing her in his arms, only for him to catch air. He pouted, blindly trying to reach out for Rey. “Nope. Nope.” Rey pointed an accusing finger at him, backing towards the door. “You will not distract me from giving you your gift! I know your tactics Ben Solo.”

She turned to unlock the door, peeking over her shoulder one last time to make sure Ben had his eyes closed.

He did.

Twisting the key, she gently pushed the door open. Dropping to her knees, she whistled softly.

“Rey, what—”

The thud of paws against wood echoed in the empty dorm, a small pup clamoring towards Rey. She was thrown off balance, the dog barreling into her. Slopping licks cover her chin as Rey tried to calm the dark haired dog down.

“You got me a dog?” Ben gaped, flabbergasted at the sight of a giggling Rey and rambunctious furry creature.

“You were supposed to keep your eyes closed!” Rey chastised halfheartedly, another giggle erupting from her as the dog nuzzled its wet nose into her cheek.

Ben ignored her cry, crouching down beside her. He held out his hand, the dog immediately sniffing the limb greedily, before jumping off Rey to Ben.

Ben chuckled as he patted the dog’s head, “Whose a good doggy?” He cooed; Rey smiled at the sentiment, unable to hide her glee at the sight. “I don’t think I have loved anything more than I love this dog.” Ben rubbed his face into the dog’s fur, laughing fully whenever the animal caught in a lick or two.

“Hey!” Rey called out indignantly.

“Oh, you know I love you.” Ben spoke softly, causing an undeniable tug at Rey’s heart at his words. “What caused you to get a dog?” Ben asked, the lightheartedness suddenly brought down a notch by the curious question.

Not expecting the question, Rey shrugged, “Well since I am going to be abroad next semester, I thought ‘why not get Ben a dog’?” She fiddled with the cuff of her jeans, trying not feel Ben’s piercing gaze on her. She knew he knew she wasn’t sharing the whole truth. “I didn’t want you to be lonely while I was gone. Dogs are good company, you love dogs.”

Ben nodded slowly, “I _do_ love dogs.” He then scooted closer to Rey, letting go of their new furry friend to roam the dorm. He wrapped an arm around her, tucking her into his side. “But you don’t have to worry about me when you go abroad. If fact, don’t even _think_ about me when you’re in London.”

“I don’t think I can do that.” Rey confessed tenderly.

She looked up at Ben from where her head was a tucked under his chin, to find him already watching her with his brown puppy dog eyes. He pressed a light kiss on the crown of her head, squeezing her shoulder with barley contained emotion. “I like the dog… think I’ll name him Gary.”

“Why Gary?” 

“He looks like a Gary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter than usual because the next couple of chapters are going to deal with some major plot points.  
> Did anybody catch my tribute to Carrie Fisher?
> 
> Also, is it relatively normal for people to wait until midnight to open presents? I celebrate Nochebuena, which is a Latino Christmas Eve; it involves festivities, a lot of eating, and staying up until midnight to open presents. I kind of (not really) hinted Jyn, Cassian, and Rey celebrate Christmas this way all the way back in chapter 2.


	9. December 19th 2017 & December 24th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 19th 2017: Ben asks Rey to move in with him.  
> December 24th 2018: The cabin occupants play Pictionary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is because I have no self control.  
> Warnings for this chapter are at the bottom.

**December 19 th 2017**

“I want you to move in with me.”

Rey chocked on the cookie dough ice cream she was in the middle of scarfing down.

“Wha?” She utter, ungracefully, with her mouth full.

Ben tossed her a napkin from the stack on the coffee table. It was Friday night and after writing two final paper’s earlier that week, Rey wanted a night in with Ben. Which meant bingeing on a Netflix series ( _Stranger Things_ ; they were almost done with season one), eating takeout, and then eating a tub of ice cream.

She really didn’t expect to be asked to move in with her boyfriend when Eleven flipped a creepier van with her mind.

“Move in with me. You practically live here already.” He gestured to her position, tucked under his arm, legs kicked out over the coffee table. She even had her checkered red and blue blanket draped over their legs.

“No.”

“Why ‘no’?” Ben shot back pausing the episode.

Rey sat up closing the lid of her ice cream tub. “Because I… I’m still in school. I live in the dorms.” Rey justified with a tilt of her chin. “I can’t just decide to move in with you.”

Ben persisted. “I found three pairs of your shoes in my closet this morning.”

“I like to have options when I’m here.” Rey answered logically, scooting back to look Ben in the eyes. Her pout knew how to stir fondness in the pits of his soul, he unable to fight the smile on his lips.

“Sweetheart, you spend at least five nights out of the week here. And we don’t even have sex half the time. We _cuddle,_ ” Ben teased.

“I like to cuddle!” Rey yelped indignantly.

“I like to cuddle too!” Ben amended, though continued with his argument. “But what I’m saying is that you already act like you own the place. Why not move in?”

His dark brown puppy dog eyes pierced into Rey’s stern hazel. He wasn’t even wearing his nerdy glasses, the frames knocked off when Rey got excited while watching _Stranger Things_. His dark hair was mused from the day’s events, tucked behind his ears, his moles littering his face like constellations.

She knew in an instant she was doomed.

She couldn’t imagine not waking up to that long dorky face and smile every morning.

“I’ll need to talk to my roommate about the room but—”

Lips attacked her face and strong arms wrapped around her smaller frame. Hardy laughter echoed off the apartment walls as Ben peppered her face with kisses and she tried to shoo him off.

* * *

 

**December 24th**

“Alright, final round of games before midnight!” Han declared to the cabin guests crowded into the living room. Rey found herself sitting on the rug, leaning back against the leg of the sofa, the furthest spot from her parents. “Pictionary!”

A series of groans rose from the Skywalker and Andor-Ersos.

“Seriously?!” Well, all except Finn, whom jumped up from the sofa with a new found energy. His excitement was mirrored by Rose, the woman nodding her head along. “Can we switch partners?”

“What? No!” Han denied, “We need to stick to our teams, or else the point system will get all screwed up.”

“We had a point system?” Poe interjected. Han frowned at the comment, hands resting on his hips.

“Yes. There is a point system.” Han stressed, shaking his head. “You think we are doing this for fun?” Several voices echoed ‘yes’, Han fuming petulantly. “NO. We play to _win_.”

Leia shook her head, lips pursed. She waved at her husband. “Let it go, Han. Just let it go.”

Begrudgingly he sat back down next to his wife, muttering to himself about the lack of integrity in switching teams.

Once the teams were reset, Poe far too excited to be on a team with Luke, everyone quickly wrote a word on a scrap of paper or napkin and dropped it into the cup. Pulling out two small, arm’s length whiteboards and dry erase markers from the cabinet, Leia called up the first two teams, “Finn-Rose, and Jyn-Cassian.”

Jyn ran up to Leia to take her whiteboard, turning to face Cassian. The couple tried to look excited, but it was evident in Jyn’s dim eyes and Cassian’s creased forehead their conversation with their daughter was bothering them.

Rose took both the proffered whiteboard and marker from Leia, and tuned back to her boyfriend. They shared a secret smile with one another, Ben becoming increasingly unsettled by how excited Finn and Rose were getting over Pictionary.

It honestly wasn’t that exciting of a game.

Jyn and Rose both reached into the cup pulling out the word they were meant to draw.

Leia took over referee duties since Chewie already fell asleep, his snores the soundtrack for the game, and Han had gone sour about the entire situation. She set the timer on her phone, “On your mark…get set…GO!”

Both women began to draw furiously, Cassian already shouting out answers before Jyn even made a distinguished mark on her board. Meanwhile, Finn remained silent, watching Rose’s movements patiently.

The air in the room grew tense as Jyn and Cassian struggled to communicate, and Rose giddily came to a stop.

She drew a picture…of a baby. With curly ‘q’ on top of its head and swaddled.

Finn stood up and crossed to Rose, wrapping an arm around her waist, a proud smile gracing his features. Jyn and Cassian’s waving and shouts halted abruptly at the movement.

Ben prayed to every deity he knew, that Finn wasn’t going say what he thought he was going to say.

“Rose and I have some big news to share.”

A glass shattered against the hardwood floor.

Every single head in the room whipped to Rey, who still sat on the floor, her wine glass smashed from its fall.

“Oh, kiddo lets clean that—”

Han’s words were cut by a harsh gasp from Rey. And another, and another, and another…

She was hyperventilating.

Ben did not think twice about his actions. To hell with this charade they were putting on display for the family.

He stood from his spot beside his uncle, shoving through his staring family, most of the occupants in the room confused and concerned about caused Rey to have such a violent reaction. Jyn and Cassian were knocked out their shock and stupor, moving a second behind Ben.

Ben crouched down next to her, catching her shaking arms, “Rey, Rey, _babe_ , I gonna need you to look at me,” Rey shook her head, struggling to catch her breath. She tired to push him away, her fingers clawing on his sleeve. “You need to,” Ben hushed, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. Rey lifted her eyes to Ben’s, though they started to drift to their unintended audience. Ben moved to trap her gaze with his again. “Don’t look at them. Look at me,” he spoke softly, Rey's franticness ebbing away. Then Rey did just that, staring into his brown eyes, gulping for air. “Now you’re going to breath with me, ok?” She nodded, the panic in her eyes lessening the longer she kept her gaze locked with his. Ben took a deep breath, Rey copying shakily. They continued to repeat until Rey fell into sync with him.

Once her breath evened out, Ben gently pulled her into his chest, Rey practically collapsing into him. He gingerly pressed his cheek on top her head, nose buried in her hair.

Feeling his shirt soak with her silent tears, Ben lifted his eyes to see varying levels of confusion, pity, and concern from his family’s faces.

Luke, filled with grief for both Ben and Rey, crossed to his nephew. “Hey, why don’t I take her to the bathroom… to freshen up? It looks like some people need to be brought to speed.” He spoke gently, resting a comforting hand on Ben’s shoulder. He nodded, Rey slowly detaching herself from Ben. With her eyes focused on the floor, she took Luke’s offered hand, and was led silently to the bathroom.

“Ben,” Leia spoke up, once Rey was out of ear shot, “You’re bleeding.”

Ben lifted his hand to see pieces of the wine glass were embedded in his skin of his palm. Ben growled, picking out the glass from his hand without care of how gruesome or unsanitary it appeared.

“Why was my daughter crying? You answer me now.” Jyn broke the uneasy tension, her jaw set as she stared down Ben.

“She is crying because… because she had a miscarry.” Ben breathed still picking out the remaining pieces of glass from his hand. He wiped the blood on his dark shirt, hissing at the roughness of the fabric against the torn flesh. “She had a miscarry, less than a month ago. And it was mine.”

“ _What_?” Leia grounded out, moving to her son with ferocity of a lioness. “What do you mean it is yours?”

“ _Was_. Was mine.” Ben corrected, starring down his mother. He held back his own grief; he couldn’t be upset now. Not with everyone watching him, and Rey breaking down. She was the strong one out of the two them—not him. But for her, he’d be strong. “Rey and I—” Well, they made it this far. No point at hiding it any longer. “We’ve been together for almost three years.” He turned to the stunned faces of Jyn and Cassian, “I am the boyfriend she has told you nothing about.”

“Why—” Jyn stared.

“And we were going to tell you, both of you.” Ben assured them, though the matching murderous looks from Jyn and Cassian did nothing to ease his nerves. “This Christmas we were, no doubt about it, going to tell you. But everything with the baby happened so fast—and we backed out. Like we did every time we struck up the nerve to tell you.”

Ben’s hope grew as Jyn and Cassian no longer seemed to have the urge to kill him, but fell back into the skins of the contemplative counselors he knew.

What he did not expect was his mother to punch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mention of blood and miscarry.
> 
>  
> 
> So now you know. Now they know.  
> Who the hell knows what's gonna happen next.


	10. December 20th 2000 & December 24th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 20th 2000: Rey comes home.  
> December 24th 2018: Jyn and Rey have more in common than they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feelings happen! Author regrets nothing!

**December 6th, 2000**

Jyn gently tucked Rey into her twin size bed, in her own room.

The girl had been jittery most of the day, though calmed down by dinner time. Rey, or Rachel as her birth certificate stated, was a small girl with a British accent found abandon in a previous foster home on the edge between Arizona and California. Jyn heard from the grapevine old man Kenobi had children across the globe, the man strong in his moral, but not so much in restraining his libido.

Jyn didn’t believe it true until one of her investigators found a lead on a girl in the foster system. The girl had the fierce and intelligent Kenobi eyes, unable to hide her emotions no matter how hard she tried. The girl tried to runaway twice after they found her and brought her into the local feds. Once Jyn and Cassian were contacted about the girl, they left for Arizona and signed off on adoption papers without even questioning their actions.

Rey stuck close to Cassian, much to the surprise of the couple. Her attachment evident by the pout she would put out whenever he left the room, and when she rushed to the available seat beside him at the dinner table.

Jyn wasn’t jealous; kids had never been her strong suit, and she never bothered trying to be any child’s friend or confidant. Though that changed with Rey, the little girl’s hazel eyes gleaming brightly when Jyn offered to read one of her favorite books, _Jane Eyre_.

Jyn realized Rey was like Jane. Forgotten, orphaned, and placed with unkind caretakers. In that moment, as Rey’s eyes drifted shut as Jyn read of Jane’s desire to help her sick friend… Jyn made a promise to herself the similarities between Rey and Jane would stop there.

No one would hurt her daughter, not even a man with his love.

* * *

 

**December 24 th 2018**

Rey firmly pressed her face into the cool, damp hand towel. Her eyelids were still puffy, but the tears and smeared mascara had already been wiped away with diligent hands. She peeled the towel away from her face, setting it on the edge of the bathroom counter. Apprehensively, she rose her head to face her reflection.

She looked…worn. The dark circles under her eyes deep from restless sleep, her cheeks paler than usual. She had never been one to wear much make-up, but the last few weeks meant a full-face just to appear ready to face the world. She did not want to face the world. She wanted to go home, to her bed, with Gary slobbering on the sheets. She wanted to talk about nothing with Ben, because he gave the best tangents and she could listen to him rant about how Southern California is too sunny, or too warm, or too bright all day. Or people watch from the window with Ben; sharing a look with him knowing they are thinking the same thing about the one lady with the bright pink coat walking three dogs who lived down the hall from them.

Far too worn, her lighthearted smiles and loud laughter no longer able to hide what had truly been bothering her.

“I’m going to go sneak out and get you a glass of water, alright?” Luke informed her.

He’d been a trooper, sitting beside her on the edge of the bathtub until she got her face clean, and her nose cleared of any lingering snot.

Rey nodded. She listened to the sound of Luke opening the door, then the shut of him closing it. She peeked to her right, seeing his shadow from the under the door had already gone.

She slowly combed her hair through her fingers, gradually undoing the style. Once all her hair was down, she gathered her loose locks and tied it back in a low bun at the base of her neck. She needed at least one part of life pulled together.

Rey jumped at the sharp knock on the door, frozen at the sound. “Stardust,” Jyn murmured from the other side. A sad smile ghosted Rey’s lips at the term of endearment; her mother called her Stardust from a young age. When she helped Rey with her hair every morning, “ _There you are my lovely Stardust_ ,” or when Rey’s soccer team in high school either won or lost, when she earned a high mark on her assignment, “ _I am so proud of you my Stardust_ ,” or when she tucked her into bed, pressing a warm kiss to her cheek, “ _Goodnight my Stardust_ ”. The term was spoken in a low hush in Rey’s ear, a private instant between mother and daughter.  Rey later discovered from Cassian the nickname was what her adoptive grandfather, Galen, would call Jyn. Dolefully, the nickname was hardly used anymore. Perhaps Rey grew out of it, or Jyn was seeking to let her become her own person. It happens—nicknames and monikers changed over time, Rey reassured herself, recalling a time when she refused to call her father ‘Papa’, but merely ‘Dad’ for a short period of time.

Nevertheless, Rey never realized how much she missed the name until Jyn utter it from the other side of the door.

With meager fortitude, Rey opened the bathroom door a crack. An invitation.

In a heartbeat, Jyn entered the narrow bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

“Hi,” Jyn greeted tiredly, leaning back against the door, her palms flat against the surface.

“Hello,” Rey spoke, her voice toned with the lingering croak from her sobs. She pursed her lips, “I’m not sure what you know…”

Jyn smiled tightly, “Ben kind of filled in some of the blanks.” Rey nodded furiously, crossing her arms over her chest. “But he explained about the…the baby.” Rey blinked rapidly, pushing her away fresh tears of frustration. Jyn scanned the tense, exhausted form of her daughter. “Why don’t we sit, hmm?”

Guiding herself down, Jyn sat down on the fluffy bathroom mat. Uncomfortable standing, Rey folded her body beside the sink, across from her mother.

Silence fell between the two, Rey picking at the loose thread on her green sweater, and Jyn parting and ruffling the texture of bathroom mat. Neither lifted their eyes to look at the other.

“I had five false pregnancies and a few too many miscarriages before I realized something was wrong.” Jyn’s clear voice cutting through the pressure in the room.

Rey lifted her head ever so slightly from her sweater, refraining from exposing her shock at the statement.

“I don’t think anyone but your Papa knows that.” Jyn admitted. “We tried for a long time. I wanted to give your father a child; fatherhood suits him so well.” She looked at her daughter, her calm blue eyes locking with Rey’s hazel. A wave of understanding passed between the two.

Taking a deep breath, Rey spoke, “It’s not like we really _wanted_ children. We talked about it a couple of times once we moved in together, but we agreed unanimously; it wasn’t an option in the nearby future.” Ben had been a nervous wreck at the idea of children, afraid he’d repeat the same mistakes as the other men in his family. Han, Anakin, Luke—they were all absent fathers, whether it had been intentional or not. The Skywalker family appeared to be cursed, all fathers seemingly doomed to not be involved in their children’s lives until it was too late. Furthermore, Rey did not have a burning desire for children that other girl’s growing up seemed to gush about. Being married, having children and all that came with it was never a set out goal for her. She wanted a career, she wanted to be independent.

Her relationship with Ben was a surprise, a wonderful surprise.

“But?” Jyn pressed lightly, instinctively knowing Rey had more to tell.

“But, we ended up pregnant. Then the doctor told us how rare it was due to my lack of viable eggs and the remaining scar tissue from the endometriosis. So we went with it.”

Those three months were the toughest three months of their relationship, but also the most discovering. Ben became the most overbearing mother-hen, exceedingly paranoid, while Rey became a health nut. They read all the baby books and started looking for larger apartments. Rey decided to start the next semester less units to accommodate for bed rest. She took all the prescribed vitamins and pills then—

“Then we lost the baby, almost four months along.”

Jyn’s eyes pooled with tears as she watched her daughter struggle to tell her what happened. The anger and pain from the secrecy thawed, finding it increasingly difficult to be upset at her baby who lost her own baby.

“It’s not going to get better right away,” Jyn cautiously told Rey, “Which I think you’ve sort of found out.” Rey nodded, not trusting her own voice at the moment. “How long has it been?”

“Um, it’ll be a month on the twenty-eighth.” Rey breathed out, Jyn scooting closer to her daughter. “And I wasn’t too upset at first—I thought after a few days I accepted it. But, uh, but Ben was devastated.”

Jyn sucked in air at the thought of Ben, her heart heavy. She loved both her daughter and her godson, but with Ben…She was there in the delivery room, holding Leia’s right hand for most of those thirty-six hours. She was one of the first arms to cradle him. She shared her books with him, taught him how to properly boil an egg, and helped him apply for colleges— both times. Ben was the reason Jyn realized she wanted a child, for more than just Cassian.

Reaching over, Jyn wrapped an arm around her daughter. Rey gently rested her head against Jyn’s, feeling the barriers of resent and misunderstanding crumbling to pieces.

“I never knew true pain until I witnessed the man I love,” Rey’s voice cracked with sorrow, “ _mourn_ our child.”

Jyn patted away the loose hairs from Rey’s bun, tucking them behind her ear. Rey reminded Jyn of herself, agonizingly so, to the point Jyn felt the universe was playing a cruel joke. “I understand. If anyone understands what you and Ben are going though it’s me and your Papa.” Jyn reached between them and grasped Rey’s palm in her own, offering an anchor. “I am grateful for all the pain and growth your Papa and I went through at that time because it led us to _you_.”

Soundless tears of relief slipped down Rey’s cheek, Jyn wiping them away with her free hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a new flashback POV, and I kind of mixed perspectives in the present. 
> 
> As someone who has one of the uterus' unholy trinity, (PMDD, PCOS, & Endometriosis) infertility resulting one of these is a real thing that can happen for multiple reasons, but infertility or difficulty conceiving does not happen to everyone who is diagnosed. It just so happened Rey was in the percentage that does :( 
> 
> Also this is my last update for possibly a week, as I have my other fic to finish planning out and I will be out of state for a theatre festival.


	11. December 24th 2002 & December 24th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 24th 2002: Ben hides during his Mother's Christmas party.  
> December 24th 2018: Ben talks with his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter! Very Ben-centric. Thank you for the kudos and comments!

**December 24 th 2002**

Ben carefully held the poorly wrapped present in his hands. The wrapping paper had little happy snowmen as a pattern, the turquois blue bright against the darker hues of red and green in the room. The bow on the present was double knotted, tied tightly like shoelaces. He wasn’t too sure what he was supposed to do—did he open it now?

“Rey wanted to help wrap presents this year.” Cassian spoke up, amused by Ben’s hesitance around the present. “She begged to wrap yours.”

Ben felt his lips curl into a brief smile at the thought of Rey trying to wrap the box, then failing, tiny arms flailing in frustration. Then she’d try again, only with more fervor. Rey was stubborn that way, unable to back down once she set her mind to something. He felt sorry for her future husband, the guy would never stand a chance against her stern hazel eyes and persistent determination.

Glancing around the crowded room, Ben checked to see if Rey was not far behind. The event hall was crowded with various suits and vaguely familiar faces. His mother decided to throw a Christmas Eve party, complete with dinner, presents, and fifty of her closest family, friends, and co-workers. His parents flittered about as they greeting guests, leaving Ben to his own devices. Which meant he’d camp himself in the hidden alcove in the corner of the room, a few feet away from the open bar.

Well, Ben had been doing a decent job of hiding until Cassian found him.

The man crouched down to join Ben on the floor, “I can sense this is not your ideal Christmas.” Cassian stated, bumping Ben with his shoulder. Dejectedly, Ben nodded, not finding it in his heart to argue with Cassian.

Ben watched as Cassian scratched his chin in thought, the man probably already knowing his next plan of action. “Hmm, how about I talk with your parents and see about having you hang out with us tonight. We have to leave early anyway, Rey can't handle late nights.”

“You’d really get me out of here?” Ben asked, astonished Cassian would help him. More often than not, Ben was stuck attending his mother’s events, without anyway to leave or any form of entertainment.

“Definitely.” Cassian nodded, his voice sure, as though he would think of doing nothing else. He tugged at his maroon tie, loosening it up a bit. “Between you and me. I hate these stuffy things too.”

* * *

 

**December 24 th 2018**

“Benjamin Lucas Solo, we did not raise you to be a _liar_.” Leia growled to her son the moment they were alone in the kitchen, finally away from the prying eyes of family and friends. From the other side of the kitchen island, Ben looked down at his petite mother’s furious stance, her arms crossed and the firm purse of her lips. Her furry made her at least six feet tall, if not more. He refrained from spouting out spiteful words, despite the fact he was still reeling from the punch his mother landed on his gut. Han trailed in a second and a half later, sparing his son a brief glance before heading to the refrigerator. “Tell _me_ : How long have you two been hiding this?”

Ben scowled at his mother and father. For as long as Ben was able to find himself in the ways of trouble, Leia always dished out the scolding while Han stood on the sidelines as her moral support.

“I don’t see how that’s relevant.” Ben spoke quietly, not wanting the pending argument to blowup into bigger proportions than it had already achieved.

“It’s relevant because she is nearly a decade younger than you.” Leia declared, as though it were the most obvious argument.

“So was dad but that didn’t stop you two.” Ben shot back, he unable to stand for his mother playing the age card against him when she had no solid ground to defend her stance. “Don’t be a hypocrite, mom. It doesn’t suit you.”

“Don’t talk to your mother that way.” Han interjected, both Ben and Leia disregarding him as they continued to barrel through with their unforgiving silver tongues.

“That was a different _time_ , Ben.” Leia sighed. “You practically grew up with each other.”

Ben fumed, his attempt at remaining calm and collected turned to ash in the heat of his mother’s words. “Now we _didn’t_.” Ben stressed, frustrated with the same old reiteration of his mother’s desires for his and Rey’s relationship. “Rey was six when we first met and I saw her sporadically for the next fifteen years! I hardly call that ‘growing up together’.” Ben argued, pushing his dark hair away from his face.

“She is _family—_ ” Leia pressed, “and you kept this from us.” She tilted her head down gravely, as though he committed the ultimate sin. Her flowing anger became still, unmovable. “You kept this from Jyn and Cassian, who have done so _much_ for you.”

In that moment he wanted to tell his mother how much he regretted not telling Jyn and Cassian…how he had sleepless nights about not telling them about his relationship with Rey. How he’d wake in a cold sweat from from nightmares of Jyn and Cassian refusing to speak to him or even acknowledging his existence…how he argued over and over with Rey, even putting the prospect of ending their relationship on the table, to just _tell_ them—just tell Jyn and Cassian about their relationship, no one else if she didn’t want to.

Ben felt disgusted with himself for never telling them, his lies and secrecy a layer of unwashable grime embedded in his skin. He feared he’d never forgive himself, even if Jyn and Cassian forgave him…because he knew deep down they _would_ forgive him. Forgive him a thousand times over…and that knowledge struck him like a knife to the gut, far more painful than the punch his mother threw because it would never go away. The pain would linger, pulsing like a phantom limb.

Jyn and Cassian forgave and forgave, and loved and loved when no else seemed to care.

How is it that he felt never ending regret for not telling Jyn and Cassian about his relationship with their daughter, yet he did not feel an ounce of remorse for lying to his own parents?

Ben shook his head as his hands dropped, splaying on the counter. An aggravated, dark chuckle bubbled from his chest. “For the last time, Rey and I are not actually related!” Ben cried out. “So stop trying to make this into some incestfest that it is not.”

“He’s got one on ya there princess.”

Both Ben and Leia turned away from each other to the sudden sound of Han’s gravelly voice. The man held a bag of frozen peas in one hand and a beer in the other. He tossed the bag of peas to Ben, the younger man barely catching it, still stunned by Han’s interruption.

For once in his life, Han Solo defended his son.

Ben had no idea what to think of this turn of events, unable to recall a moment Han had ever interrupted Leia’s scolding.

“Those are for the bruising,” Han told Ben, waving a hand at the bag of frozen peas. “I’d use it now before it gets all drippy.” Nodding dumbly, Ben followed his father’s instructions. Han then turned to his wife, handing her the beer, the bottle cap popped off. “And this is for you to cool your damn nerves.”

Leia frowned, warily taking the beer from her husband. Han nodded, stepping back from the two hot-heads hands perched on his hips maintaining his swagger at his old age.

“Now listen here—you are both fucking adults. So fucking talk like ones.” Ben blinked back at the demand, while his mother opened her mouth to deny Han’s request. His father raised his hand, a sign both Ben and Leia knew as the ‘calm down, shut up, and listen to me you shithead’ hand raise. Leia rolled her eyes, yet refused to look at her son. “Princess I hate to say it, but Ben’s not twelve anymore. You can’t yell at him like he is.”

Ben’s mind was reeling. Had he entered _The Twilight Zone_ , or even bizarre-o world? In what universe did his father try to _help_ him?

Leia huffed at the truth, taking a swig of her drink. Ben swore he saw her stern brown eyes glistening, yet he did not dare to stare longer to know truly. Her stance did not relax; her fingers strangled the bottle’s neck. Despite this, her lack of speech gave Ben the greenlight he needed.

Glancing back at his dad, Han nodded for Ben to continue.

“I…I wanted to tell Jyn and Cassian.” He admitted. “I’ve wanted to tell them since the beginning, because I respect them and they have shown nothing but kindness towards me. But my girlfriend,” Leia sighed at the mention of Rey, “was the one who did not want to tell them. She did not want to tell her parents. And as her boyfriend for nearly three years, I somehow have to respect her reasons.”

Rey was afraid, and that was the plain and simple truth. She was afraid to tell her parents. She was afraid things were not going to work out in the long run. She was afraid Ben would leave her, she was afraid her parents would leave her. She did not want to be alone, not _again._ She had admitted this quietly one night, when he was awoken from his insomnia and she had climbed into bed late at night after finishing a research paper. Some of the horrors from her childhood, before Jyn and Cassian, still lingered. Nothing specific, but the constant anxiety of being left behind, forgotten, abandoned was rooted deeply in her, buried under her blinding hope.

 … She did not want to feel alone, which led to her deceiving her parents.

Han let out a low whistle, “Three years?” Ben nodded slowly, watching his father apprehensively. “At least you weren’t seeing her while she was still a minor.”

“Han!” Leia chided, setting her beer down on the counter.

“Dad!” Ben cried out with a grimace. Tiredly, he scrubbed his face—the conversation was taking its toll. “You know what, I only came to visit Grandma Paddy, and stayed for appearances.” Ben shrugged, “I’m going to get Rey, and were going to go.”

Ben began to leave the room, pleased to not hear any objections from his mother.

“Benjamin, you come back here!” Han ordered; Ben resisted the urge to laugh at his family’s ridiculousness—of course the ‘talking like adults’ truce would not last. He sometimes wondered if yelling was the only way his parents were able to understand each other. If so, it would explain his anger issues.

Indulging his father, Ben turned back around, though did not leave from the kitchen doorway. “I thought we weren’t going to talk like I am a twelve year old?”

Han ignored Ben’s tempting taunt, “You cannot just throw information and expect us to understand.” Ben wasn’t too sure where this ‘caring father figure’ came from, but it was edging into territory he felt uncomfortable crossing. His father had never been one to seek ‘understanding,’ or exercise pacifism—that was Luke, not Han Solo.

Han Solo shot first before even knowing why he was shooting in the first place.

“Your mother and I have not been the best parents to you, at least half the country knows that.” Leia snorted indignantly at Han’s unintentionally cruel, yet honest statement. “But you can let us—” Leia quietly stepped away from the men to the sink, her back turned.

At the age of twenty-nine, Ben did not realize his mother could brutally break his heart with a few measly steps.

“Let _me_ try?” Han spoke with sincerity Ben did not know his father possessed. For all of Ben’s life, he and his father struggled to communicate. The recent years had been better, Ben unable to recall the last verbal fight that got out of hand between the two of them. Nothing can be fixed overnight, Ben’s family a testament to that… but maybe that night could be a step forward.

“Rey and I—we bumped into each other, randomly, on campus and became friends.” Ben began, the sound of his mother turning on the faucet in the background. She was stress cleaning—her unusual mode of action when she felt helpless. Ben tried to focus on his father, who waited patiently for him to continue. “And we liked being around each other, we _liked_ each other, is that so hard to believe?” Han remained silent, his eye trained on his son as the scratch of a sponge on ceramic grew increasingly louder as Leia scrubbed. “She helps me. When I’m with her I want to be the best version of me.” Han’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he listened intently. “Not that you really needed to know that…” Ben trailed off, dropping his gaze to the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. “We’re just…we’re just going through—” Ben steeled himself, keeping his emotions in check, a habit he practiced when he was around his father.

“You don’t have to say it.” Han muttered, his hand squeezing his son’s shoulder. The squeeze was far more comforting than Ben expected, and felt as though he entered a new perspective. Han did not seem as grumbly and selfish as the image of him Ben had morphed throughout the years. Han appeared wise and kind, silently offering his own shoulder to steadily support Ben’s troubles.

“Rey and I just wanted quiet, relaxing holiday without any probing.” Ben finished, licking his lips.

A slap of water violently sloshing around the sink caused Ben lift his gaze to his mother, who had thrown a serving spoon into the water. Leia turned around, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “When times are tough, you go to _family_ , Ben. Not the opposite.” With that, Leia walked out of the kitchen, the sponge clutched tightly in her right fist.

The weight of Han’s hand on his shoulder brought comfort from his mother’s exiting stone cold glare. “Give her time. For as long as I can remember, she thought Rey as the little sister she never gave you.” Han patted Ben on the back once before taking a step back, making his way to follow his wife. “If it’s any consolation, I get it.” Han smirked softly, “She’s one hell of a girl.”

Ben nodded, the ‘ _wosh’_ of the swinging door telling him he was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Solos have something's they need to work through, but it's a step in the right direction.  
> Also Cassian gets some spotlight time since he wasn't in Rey and Jyn's heart to heart session in the previous chapter.


	12. December 25th 2008 & December 25th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 25th 2008: Finn's first Christmas with the family.  
> December 25th 2018: Ben, for once, is not angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you have caught on, the structure of the fic has changed since the reveal. Flashbacks are now in the beginning, and they will continue to be from different POVs (no worries we'll still get Rey and Ben's in there from time to time, and Rey and Ben are present POV). The flashbacks are slowly working themselves up to the present day, like how they did before. Its supposed to be symbolic because everyone knows now, but I'm not sure if its actually coming across that way.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Discussion of miscarriage towards end of chapter.

**December 25 th 2008**

The downtown Portland apartment was cozier than Finn expected. A few moving boxes lingered by the wide entryway, a sign that the move was rushed, but life needed to continue. Leia and Han had moved, _again_. Luke had shook his head at the news, but decided they were still going to celebrate Christmas with his sister and brother-in-law despite the sudden change of location.

The drive had not been that bad, nor did the arrival to Portland, Oregon, or even checking into the hotel down the street from Han and Leia’s apartment. It was finally _seeing_ everyone, all together, that Finn didn’t take into account, his anxiety piking at the individual faces. The hug Leia smothered on him relaxed some of the energy trickling through his body, and the smirk Han greeted him with brought up his confidence. Finn met both Leia and Han separately; Leia while she was still in Washington State, and Han came to Luke modest home on the outskirts of San Francisco for an unannounced visit a few months back. Part of him wanted to ask if they were even still married due to the amount of time the couple spent apart, but knew it wasn’t his place to question.

Then there was Ben.

Finn wasn’t too sure if he was supposed to hug Ben or give him a handshake.

Sure, he met Ben over the summer, when he and Luke visited the Andor-Ersos. He recalled being uncertain around Ben; his dark haired, scowling twenty year old cousin. That was still weird to think about. Finn never thought he would be in a real family again after his mother passed away, never mind an _extended_ family.

Not to mention Ben was Luke’s _nephew_.

 _The_ nephew.

The nephew he heard at least a dozen stories about and then _some more_ when Luke was in a _good_ mood. Contrary of the high praise Finn heard of his cousin, Ben was not exactly the most welcoming… but not necessarily, for the lack of better terms, _mean_. Finn discovered over the course of their first meeting Ben Solo rarely smiled, spoke only when spoken to, and always had a book with him, unabashedly reading his pick of the day whenever his surroundings became boring. He noted how Rey picked up the habit of carrying a book with her wherever she went, following Ben’s example.

Yet sixteen year old Finn forgave these instances, not matter how much his emotional insecurity begged him not to. Forgiveness was a teaching Luke preached at every opportunity, Finn able to recite Ephesians 4:31-32 and John 1:9 by heart after living with his biological father for six months.

Finn knew Ben had been going through a ‘rough season’, as Luke liked to phrase this time of his nephew’s life. Still, Finn couldn’t help but be a little frightened at the sight of a six-foot-three man decked from head to toe in black clothing. Not to mention Ben hardly spoke to him, little Rey the mediator between the two. Though that did not mean Rey took Ben’s silence lightly; she’d occasionally glare at the massively tall young man and flick his awkward ears whenever he was particularly rude.

He wondered how Ben became Rey’s favorite person. The girl, who had recently turned thirteen years old, seemed far too lighthearted—or maybe it was just her bright smile that made her appear such a way—to enjoy the company of a grumpy Ben. Without fail, she was never too far away from the imposing young man, almost as if she had a Ben-radar, knowing where he was in the room at all times.

Facing Ben and his family caused Finn to slightly dread Christmas. It would be his first with the Skywalkers and the Andor-Ersos. It would also be his first Christmas with a _family_ , not any family but his biological family. He felt his own self-imposed pressure to be on his toes, to be the best version of himself he could be.

“Hey,” Ben muttered, simply clapping Finn on the shoulder. His lips were quirked in a half, closed mouth smile. The only semblance of a smile Finn had ever received from Ben. Also, he was wearing a _red_ (a dark red, but a _red_ all the same) sweater.

Was this _really_ the Ben he met back in June?

His dark hair was longer, but the front did not cover his eyes anymore, but instead were swept away from his face. The longer sides of his hair now the majority of his recognizable ears. Which surprisingly disappointed Finn—he was really hoping he would witness Ben receive a sassy ear flick from Rey. Besides the hair and the use of color in his wardrobe…Ben looked _lighter_ , as though weight was lifted off his shoulders. Or maybe he just was hunching in on himself like all of the pictures of him showed. He stood to his full height, which was _not_ as frightening as Finn remembered.

Something about Ben changed. He was not exactly the quintessential picture of happiness, but the mundane image of contentment.

Before Finn could get a greeting out from his jaw slacked mouth, Rey charged forward between them, wrapping one slim arm around Finn’s middle and the other around Ben. The top of her head brushed Finn’s shoulder, while she was still a few inches shy of Ben’s. “I haven’t seen either of you in months!” Ben smiled lightly at the girl’s declaration, he fondly bopping the top bun of her signature three-knot hairstyle.

“You saw me just last month.” Ben reminded the thirteen year old. Rey shrugged, disregarding his true statement as though it were the same difference of her own.

Her perceptive eyes turned to Finn, he almost flinching in surprise at her natural intensity. “Finn! You owe me a rematch in _Uno_. I still haven’t forgotten those five skips in a row.”

A laugh bubbled from within Finn, shocked Rey still held a grudge over a card game played months ago. “Okay, yeah, sure.” Finn nodded, watching as Rey’s eyes lit up with excitement subconsciously tugging on Ben’s arm.

Is this what family was supposed to feel like? People who _remembered_ him, and were excited to see him again? People who wanted to spend time with him, even if it was only for a little bit? People who went out their way to greet him and give hugs…or even a clap on the shoulder?

Because Finn was sure he could get use to this.

* * *

 

**December 25 th 2018**

Ben frowned at sound of the grandfather clock chiming midnight from down the hall. Somehow Christmas Eve had come and gone without his permission. In a perfect world ever thing would be calm, maybe joyful if they were lucky. Presents would be opened; Han would roll his eyes at the age insulting mug he bought him, and his mother would find the bracelet thoughtful, even though he did not step foot into the jewelry store. Rey went shopping for his mother because she knew he would freak out and panic for days if he were to do it himself. Jyn and Cassian would still be unaware and blissful in their time together, something rejuvenating within the couple’s relationship while they had been at the cabin. Finn might have finally gotten drunk off of all the sips of wine he had been sneaking from everyone’s drinks, and Rose would have been a crumpled heap of giggles at semi-suave drunk Finn. Poe would cry fanboy tears just sitting next to Luke for longer than an hour. Chewie would be hugging everyone, saying sweet untranslatable Norwegian words in his thick accent.

Then Rey would just look at him across the room and smile.

She’d smile and he’d know everything would be alright. They would tell everyone the next day, because it was the _right_ thing to do, and Grandma Paddy’s ring could only be hidden in his suitcase for so long until Rey found it because she couldn’t find the hairbrush and thought he stole it back from her.

But none of that happened.

Instead, he was finding the nerve to knock on the bathroom door. He knew Jyn was in there with Rey. Ben had gone looking for Cassian after speaking with his parents, but was told by Luke the man had gone for walk in yard the moment he left the living room, demanding to be left alone.

“You need to turn the knob to open the door. It won’t open with you staring at it.”

Ben jumped at the voice. Glancing to his left, he saw Finn standing a few feet away. His hands jammed into his pockets as he rocked from heel to toe. His forehead was creased, deep in thought but aware enough to make a cheeky comment. To Ben he looked the essence of uncertainty—for what reason he did not know…because in reality, Finn did nothing wrong. A fleeting part of Ben wanted to be angry; to yell, to growl, to scream. In another life he might have even been violent. But Finn was in the same shoes Ben was in a month ago, and no part of Ben was angry about that. Deep down, he felt unbelievable _joy_ for Finn, even if none of being displayed such feeling.

“You know,” Ben began, halting his speech when he noticed Finn tense up, probably expecting the worst. Ben closed his mouth, chewing on his lip, searching for a way for Finn to understand he wasn’t going to blow up, or say anything hurtful because he loved Finn as if he were his own brother—

“Finn, you know I care about you, right?” Ben admitted, turning away from the bathroom door to face Finn fully. “And I happy for you.” Finn’s eyes widen to their fullest, his jaw unhinging and gapping like a puffer fish as he tried to process the words spoken to him. Ben stifled a laugh, trying his best not to find Finn’s reaction comical all things considering. “I don’t resent you in anyway.”

“Oh,” Finn breathed, dazed for a moment. Seeming to realize Ben was watching him with concern, Finn shook himself out of his stupor, a hesitant smile emerging. “Oh, uh, I care about you too.” Ben nodded once, accepting the unexpected affection behind Finn’s words. “Is she going to be okay?” Ben followed Finn’s gaze to the bathroom door. “Are _you_ going to be okay?”

Ben crossed his arms over his chest, “Yeah,” he said with confidence he believed wholeheartedly, and had been believing since they received the news. “We will be okay. As long as we have each other. That’s how it usually works between us.”

For once in their lives Ben and Finn understood each other, their sea of differences and misconceptions shrinking to a mere stream.

The rush of wind from the front door startled the two men. Ben involuntarily felt a flash of panic, knowing it was Cassian coming back inside the cabin from his walk. At the sound of the door’s firm shut, Ben banished his insecurities away. This was Cassian, Ben reassured himself. Not his mother who created unnecessary guilt or announced false accusations. Not his father who did not know when to speak. Not his uncle who cornered him into confessions. This was Cassian, his godfather… and Rey’s father.

Sensing the oncoming confrontation, Finn departed the hallway, gently clapping Ben on the shoulder as he walked past. A different set of footsteps came from the opposite end of the hallway, Cassian turning the corner a second later. The older man’s face was chapped red from the winter winds, yet the rest of face was devoid of emotion. His navy blue scarf and snow boots were still on, his brownish grey parka discarded at some point between the front door and the hall.

The two unintentionally and immediately made eye contact.

Cassian coughed, the forced sound cutting the discomfort between him and Ben. “You and I need to talk.”

“I know.” Ben stated, uncrossing his arms, shoving his free hands into his denim pockets.

Cassian nodded his head over to the stairs at the furthest end of the hall, indicating for Ben to follow. The two men silently trekked to the steps, Cassian dropping down to sit on third step. He patted the space beside him. Ben sat down beside Cassian, the two shoulder to shoulder. The arrangement caused Ben to think back to previous conversations with his godfather. In each they sat, stood, or worked side by side. Equals.

“I can’t say I’m surprised.”

Ben blinked back at the rather blunt statement. “Excuse me?”

Cassian hummed, rubbing the stumble of his chin with the palm of his calloused hand. “I said _I’m not surprised_. A part of me always hoped you two would date when she was older.” Cassian spoke calmly, shutting his eyes. “I just didn’t think she would not tell us.”

Ben didn’t know what to say. Jyn and Cassian were open, honest, and caring to their daughter… but they were also overly protective. The line between parent and friend became blurred at a young age. Rey’s relationship with her parents became tense and strained the older she grew, she realizing sometimes her parents _could not_ be her confidants, especially when they were the subject of concern. She couldn’t talk about her mistakes or failures with them, because they would try to fix it _for_ her. An unpleasant classmate led to Jyn going to the school to demand counseling session between the girls to ‘settle their differences’. Going to a school dance meant performing a complete background check on the group Rey was going with, and meeting each individual’s parents. A wrong call from the referee in Rey’s semi-final soccer game her senior year of high school led to Cassian being kicked out of the stadium for harassing the ref. Nothing she did was on her own, or felt of her own merit—until college.

“And,” Cassian sighed, “If she didn’t want to tell us, you wouldn’t tell us.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what happened.” Ben confirmed. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “I’m—”

“Don’t.” Cassian held up a hand, stopping Ben mid-apology. “I _know_ you are. I know you, Ben. I’ve known you for all your life. I know you have felt a plethora of shame and guilt for a long time, so I don’t need to hear it because I _know_ , and I still love you despite it all.” He dropped his hand on to Ben’s closest knee. “But you need to tell me: was it a boy or a girl?”

Ben’s mind blanked, confused by the question, until the numbing realization awakened in his chest. “A girl.” Ben answered quietly, feeling the strong squeeze of Cassian’s hand on his knee. “Her name was Celeste.”

“Means ‘heavenly’?” Cassian asked for confirmation.

“Yes, we felt it was fitting.” Ben felt the ache, but his eyes did not press for unreleased tears. He had reached the point of acceptance, and an inkling of hope for the future. There was always hope if Rey was involved.

“I like it.” Cassian turned his head to Ben, smiling softly to him. With one more squeeze, Cassian let go of his strong hold on Ben’s knee. “Let’s go find Jyn and Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fell in love with writing in Finn's POV, and I cried writing Ben and Cassian's conversation.
> 
> And now a shameless plug: I know some of you lovely readers are already reading it but....If you love 'Trusting December' and you want to know about the period of Ben's life when he lived with Jyn, Cassian, and Rey-- I now have a one-shot series called 'Spring is Sure to Follow'!


	13. December 13th 2011 & December 25th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 13th 2011: Leia gets a surprise phone call from her son.  
> December 25th 2018: Rey and Ben agree to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!

**December 13 th 2011**

“What do you mean you’re not coming home, Ben?” Leia asked her son over the conference phone in her office. She had been going through internship proposals for the last half hour when Ben called her out of the blue. He rarely called her as it is, at least once a week, just to check in with each other. She’d had never been the same after his incident—leaving a trail of voicemails every day for the first couple of years until Ben decided it was best to decide on a specific time to call. They had a scheduled call time, Sundays at 10:15AM just as she sat down for brunch. She’d put him on speaker phone and it was almost as if he were there with her.

“I’m not coming home for the holidays. I have work.” Ben’s deep voice reverberated through the speaker.

Leia skimmed the latest stack of resumes, tutting at her son’s seemingly poor excuse. “You work for a private university library, they are closed for national holidays and school breaks.”

“I got another job.” She could hear the shrug in his voice.

“What? You _quit_? When did that happen?” Leia asked, dropping the resumes back on her desk. It was nearly impossible to focus on anything work related when her son called. She didn’t understand; Ben loved his job, no matter how mundane and simple it was—it kept him grounded and gave him down time to do school work. She’d picture him sitting in a forgotten corner of the library, with his books and notebooks spread around him. He’d look like a grown up version of his twelve year old self, reading and writing and learning—only he no longer ran to find her to spout off the new knowledge he acquired. He’d sit with his books, and be alone.

Ben being alone still concerned her.

“No, no I didn’t quit. I am working two jobs.” She knew how difficult it was to work two jobs, Han knew what it was like to work two jobs, neither wanted their son to experience that stress, especially in college.

“Do you need money Ben? I can put some in your account—”

“I don’t want your money, Mom.” Ben’s voice sounded more agitated, the longer she probed, yet Leia had zero desire to stop. She was his mother, she had to care for him in any possible way she could. Sometimes making sure he wasn’t broke or starving was enough to assuage her motherly instincts. 

“Then why aren’t you coming home? Is it because of a girl?” When he didn’t respond, she tried again. “A guy?”

“ _What_?”

“Because I did question for a little while, when you started wearing the eyeliner in high school. And you’ve never been very good with either gender.” Leia reasoned, finding it odd Ben was not interested in dating. He had a few girlfriends here and there (she had to pry that information out of him—she needed to know if she had any shot of having grandbabies from her only child). None of the women stuck, Ben extremely knit-picky. The girls usually did not meet his standards of intelligence, didn’t understand dry humor, or (apparently the worst of it) didn’t know the difference between Victorian and Regency era literature. Leia rolled her eyes at the latter compliant; if _that_ was his deal breaker, she had bigger things to worry about.

“Mom, I’m not gay.” Ben sighed. “I just think I should spend the holidays by myself this year. Maybe I’ll go visit Luke, or even Jyn and Cas. I don’t know.”

Dread pooled in Leia’s gut; Ben wanted to be alone. He wanted to spend the holidays alone. She knew the statistics. She did not want her son to become a statistic. “Do I need to call your psychiatrist? Or your support group?”

“Mom, I’m not going to commit suicide! I just don’t want to be around my family for Christmas! Is that so fucking hard to believe?” Ben shouted, Leia stunned at her son’s anger. He hadn’t had an outburst in months…well, as far as she knew he didn’t have one in months. Ben only shared so much with her, Leia wasn’t too sure what she was to take as gospel or with a grain of salt.

“Oh, I see,” was all she said, eyes drifting to the door of her office. She shook her head; no one besides her secretary would hear.

“No. I didn’t mean for it come out that way,” came Ben’s frustrated groan.

Leia steeled herself, picking up the resumes again. “You sure do have a way with words, Benjamin. I don’t think I can make—”

Ben huffed. “Mom, don’t start doing that thing you do—”

“My own son doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me.” Leia reprimanded, tossing one of the resumes to the side, the applicant not an adequate candidate.

Ben continued to insist. “You’re doing that _thing_. Where you try to make me feel guilty. Well, I’m not having that bullshit.”

“Ben!” Leia blanched; he was not old enough to turn the tables on her.

“Since we are on the topic of bullshit,” Ben scoffed, a heavy chuckle of disappointment. “When were you going to tell me you and Dad are getting a divorce?”

All thoughts flew out of Leia’s mind at her son’s accusation.

“How the hell do—”

“Believe it or not, I do keep in contact with Dad. And Luke. And Jyn. And Cas—”

“I get the fucking point Ben.” Leia enunciated clearly, her right hand gripped the arm of her chair tightly. “You—you’re just like your father sometimes.” She sighed, pursing her lips. “Yes, _son_. Your father and I have filed for divorce. We felt its best since we never see each other anyway. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have seen your father in the past two years.”

She loved the idiot, but she could not continue to be scrutinized for her absentee husband. Han hated the mingling and politics, Leia going off on her own to events for years. But she had her eyes set to be a senator—she could not display an unstable marriage to her collogues or voters. She needed to appear level headed; a husband gallivanting across the country and a son with questionable emotional stability were not compliant with that image.

“Well… maybe if you focused more time with your family, than on your career, it wouldn’t be like this.”

Her son’s lethal words cut through her seamlessly, she forgetting how her boy’s temper resembled far too much of her own. They were both brutal with their words, knowing precisely how to make the other seethe with pain.

“If that’s how you feel, then don’t come home. Don’t call. I do not want a son who resents me when I am trying—”

“Bye Mom.”

Leia blinked back at the abrupt end. Her son hung up on her.

Did she…? Did she go _too_ far? She only want him to understand she was _trying_ her best, and she wanted him around more. She missed him.

A sharp knock on her office door left little room for Leia to ruminate.

“Miss Skywalker,” Leia refrained a sigh at the formal greeting; Charles Threep had been her assistant then secretary since her early years in politics. A family friend she never seemed to shake off, but considered a close annoyance all the same. She couldn’t imagine her career without him rattling off anxious musings. “Your two-fifteen is here. Do you want me to send him in?”

Leia nodded, reeling in any possible stray tears.

She was surprised to see a familiar mop of dark curls and charming smile.

“Poe Dameron.”

* * *

 

**December 25th 2018**

Giggles came from behind the bathroom door, Ben’s hand hovering over the doorknob. A nudge from Cassian gave Ben the extra push he needed. Opening the door, Ben found Rey and Jyn sitting on the floor, his girlfriend in mid-laugh. The sound brought relief to him; piece by piece, she was putting herself back together. Rey was a fighter in ever essence of the word—yet that did not exclude her from getting the wind knocked out of her when it came to matters of the heart.

“Then I tried to stop it from overflowing, but it still kept going—” Rey stopped her story, head whipping to the door. She smiled softly at Ben, he mirroring his own small smile back, a reflex whenever he was around her. Her gaze fell behind Ben to Cassian, her relaxed shoulders tensing at the sight of her father. “Oh, hi.”

Ben tried to send Rey reassuring thoughts, knowing she was nervous about her father’s reaction. He wanted to tell her everything that had transpired in the last hour, though it would have to be a conversation for a later date. Rey needed to dispel her own fears, Ben unable to do it for her. Cassian maintained eye contact with Rey; a dare to address the elephant in the room, and a silent acceptance of her mistakes. A harsh forgiveness Rey must humbly receive.

The once close father and daughter needed time to achieve some semblance of trust they once shared. Though there was an undeniable quiet, “ _Eres amado hija mía_ ,” from Cassian, Rey smiling briefly at the words. Ben was not fluent in Spanish, he only picked up a few phrases when he lived with Jyn and Cassian—but he caught the words ‘ _amado_ ’ and ‘ _hija_ ’. ‘Beloved’ and ‘daughter’. Cassian broke their locked stare, focusing on his wife. “What has you two laughing?”

Jyn fought a budging grin, “Just some domestic tales,” the woman tried to play off nonchalantly. “Though I can safely say I do not want Ben to ever touch our sink.”

“No.” Ben sighed, already knowing what embarrassing story Rey had told her mother. “Why would you—”

“It’s funny.” Rey stressed bemusedly. “It would be terrible if we _didn’t_ laugh at it.”

When Ben and Rey had first moved into their new apartment, they had a leaky kitchen sink. It dripped all day and all night, to the point Ben was about ready to rip his hair out with the constant noise, not to mention Gary’s jumping and scuffling at every drip. Ben thought he could fix it—key word ‘thought’. Instead, he made it worse. As in, he caused a _mild_ flood. Rey came home to a large puddle in the kitchen, and a joyful Gary lapping in the water. Ben, on the other hand, was red faced from his futile efforts and silently handed Rey the wrench. He then left to take their dog for a long walk. The walk more for Ben than Gary.

When he came back, the kitchen sink was fixed and the floor was mopped. Ben kissed Rey senselessly for cleaning his mess, and for giving him some piece of sanity. Needless to say, they came to an immediate agreement Ben was not to pursue any handyman duties, leaving situations such as leaky sinks, to Rey.

“But it’s embarrassing,” Ben mumbled lightly. Jyn will give him a hard time about it, despite she already knowing from firsthand experience how inept Ben was with tools and mechanics. Rey held out her hand to him, Ben grasping it in his own to pull her up from the bathroom floor.

“Well, sometimes I like it when you’re embarrassed.” Rey told him quietly as the two shuffled out of the room, the bathroom becoming crowded with four grown adults. From behind them, Cassian had helped Jyn stand back up, the older couple speaking to each other in hushed tones. Probably about Rey, or about him, or maybe nothing about them at all…maybe just something else entirely. Jyn and Cassian had lives beyond their daughter, Ben a familiar witness.

Over Rey’s shoulder, Cassian nodded to Ben, encouraging them to go on without them. Gently pressing his right hand to her lower back, Ben led Rey back into the main living room of the cabin. He felt her arms wrap around his middle, giving him a firm squeeze, she attached to him like a leech. It was familiar, but far more familiar than the knowledge of a romantic relationship. Something beyond…as though mimicking several memories at once.

For once the cabin was mostly silent, the occupants in their own rooms. The living room was basked in a faint, warm glow from a lamp tucked into the corner. The space felt safer with less people, and smaller with less chatter. Ben and Rey sat down on the sofa closest to the fireplace, the put out flame still emitting its remaining heat.

“I want to go home.” Rey said, leaning her head into Ben’s shoulder.

“Me too.” Ben agreed, pulling her closer into his side. “But we can’t.” Both knew how awful it would be if they left after everything—they would just be perpetuating judgement. They needed to prove themselves, not just to his parents or hers, but everyone involved. Ben and Rey _lied_ , for a quite some time, longer than either anticipated… and they wanted to amend for their misjudgment. “We just need to get through the next day. Then on the twenty-sixth we can do, _whatever_.”

Rey hummed, lifting a hand to brush away a stray stand of hair from his face. “I know.” She dropped her hand on to his collarbone, the weight on of her hand on him bringing him comfort. “I love you.”

Ben kissed her lightly, “I love you.” He repeated back hoarsely, exhaustion creeping into his body now that he was sitting down with Rey’s warmth seeping into his side.

* * *

 

Rey shifted again, leaning her head back to get more comfortable on the sofa. Sitting was not an ideal sleeping position. She twisted a bit, finally able to lean into Ben without him completely covering her.

She’d been trying to fall asleep, Ben dozing into slumber a couple hours ago. His nose was pressed into her neck, his large frame slumped against her smaller one. It was sweet, but he was also heavy. Rey would have woken Ben up, but she was concern for his lack of sleep. He claimed slept three hours he previous night after getting to the cabin—which meant he didn’t sleep at all, Rey well versed in Ben’s attempts to reassure.

As she was about to all but shove Ben into a stable upright position, Rey heard light footsteps coming from the stairs. She quickly closed her eyes and tried to level her panicked breathing, she not wanting to experience an awkward confrontation at three-fifteen in the morning.

The footsteps continued their path up to the front of the sofa Rey and Ben currently sat on. A second later a soft weight was draped over the two, a gentle hand brushing away Rey’s loose hairs from her forehead.

The unknown person walked away moments later. Confused, Rey blinked open her eyes, seeing the retreating back of Leia turning into the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I'm not the biggest fan of this chapter. I think it might be because it is more of a transition into the next part of the story. I don't know if anyone noticed, but most of the events in the present day took place in an entire day; I needed something to push us into the next quarter(?) of the fic.
> 
> Also, I am awful at Spanish and probably did not write the phrase (which means 'you are beloved daughter') accurately because I used google. If either of my grandmothers knew, they'd shame me to the next century.


	14. December 16th 2013 & December 25th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 13th 2013: Rey visits Southern University of Naboo-- her future college.  
> December 25th 2018: Its Christmas morning, yet no one is really celebrating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my updates are going to be earlier than usual this weekend because I go into tech (aka Hell Week) for a play tomorrow. So goes the life of a theatre major.
> 
> Lots of POV jumping in this chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**December 16 th 2013**

Rey didn’t think she’d like the campus, but she did. She liked it— a lot. For the last two years she’d had her heart set to attend UC Davis, even buying a bunch of spirit gear she wore almost religiously on the weekends.

But the moment she stepped on to the campus of Southern University of Naboo, Rey knew the colleges at atmosphere captured her heart. Each building held great history, not to mention unique architecture from the early 1880s. She loved walking the long halls, the heels of her feet echoing off the intricately designed walls. The water from the Southern California coastline was visible from the grand breezeway, Rey able to smell the salt and warmth of the ocean.

Once her tour of the campus was over, she strolled through the quad area, taking in the greenery. It was never this green in December back in Lucas, the Central Valley dry and foggy in the winter months. She glanced at her wrist watch, realizing she needed to get back to the main entrance to meet with her parents for lunch.

Not paying attention to where she was walking, Rey bumped into a firm chest. She yelped falling back, only for secure arms to stable her from her tumble.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Rey muttered, embarrassed, unable to look up at the man she ran into. She noticed, papers strewn on the floor. The guy must have dropped them to prevent her fall. “Here let me help,” She crouched down, picking up the first few papers in her reach.

“Don’t apologize, I’m not wearing my glasses—which I _should_ be wearing them because apparently, I am as blind as a bat.” The man told her, he kneeling beside her. “So, it’s _my_ fault bumping into you.”

Her eyes widen at the sound of his baritone. Oh, dear he had a nice, deep voice—of course the guy she bumped into would have a nice deep voice! Ever since her first, honestly mortifying, crush, she had a thing for deep voices. Her she was, not even attending the university yet, and was already making an embarrassment out of herself in front of a presumably attractive man, if the firmness of his chest and his deep voice were anything to go by.

She handed the papers to him, keeping her eyes trained on the ground. “Uh, here. I gotta go. Sorry, again.”

Rey started to head in the opposite direction of the man, when he called, “Like I said nothing to be sorry for, have a good rest of your day.”

Once she was a safe distance, Rey looked back to the man. _Oh_ … he looked vaguely familiar in the distance, though she could not place where or who in her memory. His build, hair, and voice stirred a longing in her.

Rey shook her head; she was being ridiculous.

It’s not like she’d _ever_ see that man again.

* * *

 

**December 25 th 2018**

“Are you insane?” Ben asked standing across from Rey in the kitchen. “You barely know how to make scrambled eggs without burning the building down, making an entire breakfast for our families is not going to happen.”

The two had woken a half hour ago, around seven in the morning, Ben with a crick in his neck and Rey curled into his side. Sleeping on the sofa had been uncomfortable (especially in day old jeans and sweaters) but it made mentally preparing for the day easier, as they were seemingly the only two awake at this hour.

Rey huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. She grimaced as she caught a quick whiff of herself. She needed to take a shower, part of her sweater smelling like her wine from the previous night. “Then what do _you_ suggest to make things better?”

Ben moved to the coffee machine, opening the bag of coffee grounds beside the sugar. “We’re going to get the coffee going, and then we’ll act _normal_.” He informed her, scooping grounds into the filter. “Don’t over think it, Rey.”

“You want us to act like normal ‘Rey and Ben’?” Rey asked as she leaned back against the counter beside Ben. “You want us to act normal, when nothing that happened last night was normal.”

Ben closed the lid of the machine, the water already filled from the night before. He pressed the ‘on’ button, the hum of the brew filling the room. “Yes, because if _we_ act normal, then _they_ will have to act normal.”

Rey nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. “I see…I understand…I just make no promises to not lash out if I get offended.” She warned him, Ben not bothering to respond. He could not hold back Rey if he even wanted to, the woman a force of nature.

The swing of the kitchen door caused Ben to tense. His back was turned from the entrance, unable to see who entered the kitchen.

“Oh, hi Poe.” Rey greeted lightly. Ben relaxed, glad it was not one of his parents.

“Hey…” Poe said apprehensively, wrapped in a large sweater. He slowly sat on an open barstool. “How…uh… are you two?”

“We’re great!” Rey chirped, completely unlike her usual self.  

“ _Normal_ , Rey.” Ben muttered in her ear as he turned to face Poe. “We’re fine Poe. You don’t need to walk on egg shells around us.”

Poe slumped in relief, “Thank god, I’m not good with this type of stuff.”

“I don’t think anyone is.” Ben commented.

The three fell into silence, listening to the drip-drip of the coffee. Growing more comfortable in the couple's presense, Poe lead forward, “Since like, you know everything is out in the open. Can I ask a question?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Rey and Ben glanced at each other, the latter sighed, “Fine. What’s your question?”

Poe inhaled deeply, “Since Ronan is based off of you, does that mean Kat is Rey?” Poe asked seriously, hanging off every breath Rey and Ben breathed. Was he seriously asking a question about Starfleet? At seven-forty-five in the morning? This was the exact reason why Ben and Luke had the pseudonym—to not face fanboys.

“Yup, it’s too early to do this.” Ben declared, pushing himself off the counter. “I’m going to go find my grandma. Let me know when the coffee is ready.” Ben told Rey, beginning to head out the door. He then paused—they were going to act normal, right? Turning right back around, Ben reached Rey by the forearm and pulled her into a firm kiss. The first of hopefully many that day.

When he pulled back, Rey blinked up at him, surprised by the sudden affection. “Acting normal.” He stated, his eyes reminding her their plan. She nodded, a little smirk playing at her lips.

“Right.”

A soft cry was heard. The couple whipped their heads to the sound, to find Poe sitting at the kitchen island, eyes brimming with tears. “It’s…it’s like watching Ronan and Kat kiss. In person.” He cried softly, wiping his tears with the sleeves of his orange sweater.

Ben shook his head, “I’m leaving now.”

* * *

 

The living room was empty for the most part, still relatively early in the morning. Ben found his grandmother sitting in her usual arm chair, a pair of knitting needles on her lap.

“Hey Grandma Paddy,” Ben greeted as he walked towards the fireplace. He lifted a log from the stack off to the right, throwing it into the fire. He’d started a low fire about an hour ago, but wanted to make sure it was warm enough for his grandmother’s sensitive bones. “Rey’s putting some water on the stove for your tea.”

“Thank you Benjamin.” Padme spoke quietly, gently stroking the blanket she was knitting. It was a soft mauve color, only a quarter of the way done. “Do you like it so far?”

“Yeah,” Ben answered, taking a seat in the arm chair his grandfather usually occupied. “Who’s it for?”

“For your baby, of course.”

Ben frowned; his grandmother knew before anyone about everything. He called her the day he found out about the pregnancy and the day they were informed about the miscarriage. Padme Skywalker knew, yet she was still making a blanket for a child.

“Grandma—” Ben began, then stopped. Padme had not shown any signs of dementia or of the likes; she was still quick witted, and her intelligence was intact. She was quiet but held mirth in her eyes whenever Ben looked her way. “What baby? We…I told you want happened.”

Padme laid her aged hand on top of Ben, “This is not for Celeste, Ben. It’s for your other daughter.”

Why was his grandmother so optimistic? “Grandma, I don’t think…”

“Benjamin Solo,” Padme uttered slowly, looking her grandson dead in the eye. “You will have another child. I _believe_ it with all my heart. I have faith.”

Ben knew that look in his grandmother’s eye; it was the same look she had when she gave him the ring. It was the same one she had when she visited him back when he was nineteen and told him he’d be healthy, happy, and in love even when it didn’t seem like anything was getting better for him.

He did not question that look.

“Why do you think it’ll be a girl?” Ben asked; partially indulging Padme, partially indulging himself.

Padme moved her hand from Ben’s, picking up her needles again. “Because you would be a terrible father to boys.” She stated bluntly.

“What?” Ben gapped, half a laugh bubbling in his chest. “I don’t think genetics and DNA work that way.”

Padme ignored her grandson’s smartass response, twisting the needles in her fingers with a frenzy. “You’d be a great father to girls, not so afraid you’ll end up like your father or your uncle.” Ben felt the tug of fear of being like his parents. Though hearing his grandmother have excessive amount of faith in his abilities eased his fears. “Finn, on the other hand…” Padme shook her head, “Poor boy will probably have twins. Twin boys.”

Ben winced. He could handle the thought of _one_ child, but _two_ , the same age? He was glad he was the uncle in that situation.

Ben decided to change the subject when he noticed the clear lack of Anakin Skywalker in the room. “Uh, where’s grandpa? Wouldn’t he be down here with you?”

Padme did not look up from her work, “Leia went on a walk with him.”

 _What_?

His mother went on a walk with his grandfather? Anakin was practically senile, not exactly the best walking companion. Not to mention Ben could not remember the last time he witnessed his mother address her father directly. The father and daughter had a hostile relationship until Anakin’s health began to deteriorate. What one earth could they possibly be doing walking in the Sierra Nevada cold? This was odd.

“Leia said she wanted to be left alone with Anakin until they came back.” Padme continued, eyes flashing up to Ben.

“And you just let them go?” Ben did not understand his grandmother’s calmness. When Anakin had his wits, his and Leia’s arguments were the next world war, horribly vicious. Anakin judged all of Leia’s life decisions while Leia constantly shoved her father’s past in his face. The two were never close.

Padme hummed, “Don’t worry, I have Luke trailing after them. I told him I’d give him the old record player if he did what I said.”

Ben did not know if he should be impressed by his grandmother’s tactics or mildly horrified at the use of bribery on a fifty-eight year old man.

* * *

 

“So will they end up together? I mean she _did_ reject his proposal…” Poe suddenly gasped, eyes blown wide. “Wait did you reject Ben’s proposal?”

“What? No,” Rey huffed, clutching the mug of coffee closer to her chest, ignoring the longing she felt at the word ‘proposal’. “Poe, not everything we wrote is _true_. It can’t be, it’s a sci-fi fantasy series.”

“No, I get it,” Poe said, sadly poking at his toast, “I just… the second book really got to me. I felt the loss and betrayal of the rejection. Ben… he’s really good at what he does.”

Rey smiled at the compliment; Ben was a great author, only he did not see it all the time. He felt his job was to tell the story the best way possible, nothing else. He did not always understand the impact his writing made on his readers, “Well, don’t tell him that because he will deny any praise.” She warned the man, “But thank you.”

The soft ‘ _swoosh’_ of the door caused Rey and Poe to turn their heads, both smiling at the sight of a disgruntled Finn. The young man was dressed in blue Transformers pajamas, a fuzzy green blanket draped over his shoulders. “Hey buddy, you look like hell.” Poe jested lightly from behind his mug of coffee. “Did all the wine you stole from everyone finally get to you?”

Finn grunted, opening the refrigerator. He pulled out an energy drink that was hidden in the back, cracking it open as he slammed the refrigerator door shut. “Rose was tossing and turning all night. I think I got maybe twenty minutes of sleep.”

Finn took a long swig of his drink, Rey cringing at the smell of the sugary mixture.

“Sounds rough,” Poe commented, shoving more toast in his mouth.

Two seconds later, a brightly smiling Rose entered the kitchen. She was dressed and showered for the day, a determined stride in her step. Once her perceptive eyes set on Rey, she charged forward, wrapping the taller woman in a tight hug.

“Oh, uh.” Rey stuttered, momentarily thrown off balanced by the momentum of the hug. Unsure of how to proceed, Rey gently put her arms around Rose. She was not accustom to affection outside of Ben and her parents, not exactly the hugging type.

Rose leaned back, locking her eyes with Rey. “I’d like to apologize for last night. Finn and I were tactless—”

“Rose,” Rey interrupted, before the girl began to ramble into a long winded monologue, “You have absolutely nothing to apologize about. You and Finn had no idea about what happened.” She squeezed Rose’s shoulders, remembering how comforting the gesture was when her mother did it to her the previous night, “If anything, I should be apologizing,” She mumbled, suddenly feeling awkward. Despite knowing she should not regret how she feels, Rey was embarrassed. She hardly knew Rose and felt she made a poor first impression. Rose was going to be in this family for better or for worse, Rey felt it in her bones. She'd make this right, her barely threaded together relationship with Rose as Rey's current priority.  “Ben and I ruined your special moment. This is big, exciting news, and it should be joyous.”

Rose inhaled deeply, “So you’re not upset?”

Rey did not know how to answer. She did not want Rose to think she can do baby talk because Rey couldn’t—it was still too soon. 

“No…but, I’m not really sure if I’m ready to talk about babies yet…” Rey trailed off, expecting Rose to be offended.

Instead the woman gave Rey a watery smile, “You don’t need too. I just want to get to know the woman that is Rey Andor-Erso, because I think she’s pretty cool.”

* * *

 

At every inhale and exhale, a puff of cool air danced around Leia’s face. She hate the cold and the snow; she was pretty sure everyone in the family hated this type of weather on some degree.

She wondered, why did they even have a family home in the mountains?

“I think the sky looks like dusk.” Anakin mumbled from beside Leia. His head was tilted up, he shuffling along slowly. Despite his elderly age, Anakin was two heads taller than his daughter. He needed her help to walk, one arm locked with Leia’s and a limp walking stick in his other hand. They were moving slower than molasses, only a house and half away from the cabin. Not that Leia minded; she purposely took her father out and away from everyone, knowing the walk would be long. She wanted to talk to him in private.

“I know you probably might not understand a word I say, but I need to get this off my chest.” Leia took a deep breath, silently hoping Anakin was in one of his zoned out moods. She’d never be able to live with herself if she told him these words in earnest, with him able to comprehend each sentence. “Dad, you fucked me up.”

Anakin’s gaze was on the sky.

Leia continued. “You and I argued all the time, judged each other ruthlessly…it was our normal. And I was _okay_ with it.” She took a left on Hoth Street, kicking a branch out of her father’s path. “Why the hell was I okay with it?” She asked herself more than Anakin. She hugged his arm closer to her side. “But… now that’s how I act with my son and it’s not okay. It’s not fucking okay. Not at all.”

“The clouds…” Anakin mumbled, Leia sparing a glance to the sky. There weren’t any clouds in the sky. She shook her head, lifting a hand to adjust her earmuffs.

“I thought… No I was _taught_ to speak to my child that way because that’s how you spoke to me…but Ben’s _different_.” She held back a hiccup, thinking of her son. She did not deserve a son who still tried to love her in his own way, even after everything she had done. Her son who decided to stay for the rest of Christmas, despite his mother yelling at him the night before. Her son who lost a child, and was in the process of healing, who she selfishly lashed out on, unable to listen to his pain. “He’s rough around the edges, but _so_ soft. It’s one of his best qualities.” Anakin blew air, watching it mist. “Mom says you were once like that…before Luke and I were born. She says she sees a lot of you in Ben.” She felt the sting of warm tears on her cool face, “I really wish I would’ve had the chance to see that part of you, to get to _know_ that side of you because,” Leia felt all the years of resentment, confusion, and anger melt like the morning snow, the feelings streaming free from their locked safe. “…because I think I would have really liked him.”

A shaky, gloved hand reached up to her cheek. Anakin clumsily wiped away her tears. “I love you, my daughter.” He said with conviction, his voice sounding younger…the tones from a distant childhood memory. But his grey eyes were faded and unfocused…she knew no matter how much the words released her, her dad didn’t say them.

“Leia.”

She turned her head over her should, seeing Luke. His blue eyes shone with the same inner turmoil she repressed; Luke had always been more forgiving than her, but that did not mean he did not feel her pain.

If there was anyone who ever understood her, it was Luke. Her partner in crime, the brother she dared to wear the most ridiculous outfits out in public, and the one she’s go to with anything under the sun, no matter how impossible it sounded. With Luke, anything was possible.

When did she stop believing that? When did he stop being her confidant?

Neither knew.

“Did you…?”

“Yeah.” Luke affirmed, stepping closer to his sister and father. He went to Anakin’s left, replacing the walking stick with his own arm to stead his father. “Let’s loop around the street. I think the fresh air is good for Dad.”

Together, the Skywalker twins and their wayward, lost father stepped through the melting snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing Leia's scene. Legitimately cried, like tears streaming down my face. And I'm kind of in love with the flashback in this chapter.  
> If you want a peek into Rey and Ben's future, check out the most recent chapter in 'Spring is Sure to Follow' ;)  
> Let me know what you think! :)
> 
>  
> 
> P.s. I wrote the epilogue for this fic today :) I mean I have to write the chapters between this update and the epilogue, but I know the ending for-sure now. And I can't wait to share it with all of you *sobs*


	15. December 23rd 2015 & December 25th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 23rd 2015: Ben is glowing and Han takes notice.  
> December 25th 2018: Leia tries in her own way, Ben and Han go shopping, and Jyn loves Cassian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter:)

**December 23 rd 2015**

Han Solo noticed it. He noticed it _immediately_.

The random surge of confidence, the willingness to help, the goddamn twinkle in the kid’s eye. It was common knowledge Ben Solo did not smile, yet the young man's lips pulled slightly at the corners. He was unable to tear his gaze away from his phone, the cause of his sudden joyful attitude. The father had never seen his son so…as cheesy as it sounded, glowing.

Leia, Luke and Finn were huddled over the fire, trying not destroy the carpet with their poorly made s’mores. Standing beside his son a few feet away, Han seized the opportunity, “So…who’s the girl who popped your cherry?”

“ _Excuse me_?”

For once that evening Ben lifted his focus from his phone. His mouth opening and closed struggling to find an answer while Han’s smug grin grew wider.

“Come on you can tell me. Who is she?” Han bumped Ben’s shoulder with his own, the younger man’s lighter demeanor deescalating rapidly. While Ben was growing up, the father and son did not have moments like this—his father teasing him about dating. Han tried to, once or twice, before realizing Ben did not find ‘dating culture’ (as his son phrased) interesting. He was extremely unpracticed with the likes of girls and dating. The boy was too absorbed in his own thoughts, turning up his nose at his peers for most of his life—whether it was for self-preservation or actual snobbishness, Han wasn’t too sure.

Ben clammed up. “No one has ‘ _popped my cherry’_.”

Han immediately pitied the man. “You _still_ haven’t—”

“That’s not what I meant.” Ben seethed, tucking his phone into his pants pocket. “I’m twenty-six, of course I have.”

“You stating your age means _nothing._ ” Han chuckled, both men facing the backs of their family. Momentarily, they caught Finn dropping a huge dollop of marshmallow on his Christmas sweater. “Luke did not lose it until he was twenty-eight, and he ended up getting the girl pregnant on the first try.” Han continued, attempting to joke.

“I did not need to know that.” Ben said monotonously, crossing his arms over his chest.

Han inhaled; his son was a professional at closing himself off. Part of Han instantly regretted even making a comment if meant Ben would retreat back into his shell. “Hey, sorry kid. I’m just trying to connect with ya here.” For an instant, Han remembered the discussion of boundaries in couple’s therapy. Maybe it could be applied here. “If you don’t want to talk about it, okay--but if you want to…I’m here.” Not exactly what Han wanted to say, but he could not force Ben to open up no matter how much the father desired.

Silence fell between the two men, both listening to the hushed grumbled of Luke and Leia by the fire. Finn stood back a bit, cheeks puffed for the amount of marshmallows in his mouth. He continued to sneak marshmallows from the jumbo bag, as the twins bickered over the best way to roast a marshmallow.

Ben shifted on his feet, a distinct beep of his phone going off in his pocket. Han raised an eyebrow.

With a huff Ben gave in. “It’s a girl I’ve been friends with for a while…” Ben licked his lips, trying to concentrate his thoughts. His ears were pinking on the tips—just like when he was a kid and got embarrassed in front of him. “We’ve recently, considered seeing each other in the romantic sort of way—”

“You can say ‘dating’ Ben.” Han spoke in earnest, laughter twinging on the end. The father had never seen his son so…flustered. He’d seen panic, confusion, and frustration…but flustered showed an entire side of Ben Han was unaware existed.

“That word sounds so trivial.” Ben shook his head, his index and middle finger twisting and scrunching the edge of his sweater sleeve. Despite not knowing much about Ben personal life, Han recognized the nervous tick—the twisting between the hem of the sleeve with his index and middle finger. A distant memory of a six year old Ben sitting on a tool box in the garage twisting his sweater sleeves popped up in Han’s mind. For as long as he could remember, his son had been doing the little twitch. Seeing the repetitive motion brought a spark of comfort in Han. Ben was not completely lost to him. “…Because if things work out,” Ben took a deep breath, his fingers halting mid-twist. “She is it. There will not be anyone else.”

The gravity of the statement knocked Han off kilter. A nameless girl, Ben was clearly not willing to share who, had captured his son’s heart. Guiltily, Han never thought of Ben in a long term relationship of any kind. After everything that happened in the boy’s adolescence and early, Han feared Ben would be scarred for life to form any friendships let alone romantic relationships—or become another Anakin. Falling so far into himself he’d seek refuge in the wrong places.

Yet here his son was, healthy and content…possibly even _happy_. Maybe Han need to take what he was given and wait. He’d wait a little longer for his son to open up—patience was something both he and Leia agreed to work on in their counselling sessions. Especially when Ben was concerned. Patience and following through.

“Oh.” Han said, Ben glancing at his from the corner of his eyes. “Well, I hope it works out.”

A visable flash of relief passed through Ben’s face, his hand reaching down into his pocket to retrieve his phone. “Uh, thanks.” He paused, biting his lips together. Ben then turned to his father, and very seriously said, “Please don’t tell mom.”

Between the two—telling his wife or keeping Ben’s faith— Han did not have to think hard.

“Okay.” Father promised his son.

* * *

 

**December 25 th 2018**

“What are you doing in the kitchen?” Leia said as a greeting to Rey. The older woman plucked her light blue apron from its hook behind the kitchen door. “I would have thought you’d be with my son or your parents.” Leia remarked, putting the apron overhead and loosely tying it behind her back.

Rey shook her head, already wearing an apron and hair coiled into a bun on the top of her head. “Nope, I am here to help you make dinner.”

Leia pursed her lips, rolling up her sleeves, “Well, too bad, because I do not want your help. Now please go get Finn, he helps me with Christmas dinner.”

“But I thought you did not want any men in the kitchen?” Rey shot back, recalling Leia’s declaration two nights previous. “Something about not wanting anyone getting salmonella poisoning, or ending up in the hospital?”

The older woman rose and eyebrow, stepping up to the opposite side of the kitchen island. “I did say that. In that case, I will like Rose to come help me; she knows how to follow directions.” Rey ignored the jab at Rey’s potential lack of following rules. Leia was struggling to trust her, even with the smallest of matters, such as helping with a Christmas dinner that was clearly a two to three person job.

Rey smiled brightly, “Rose is currently throwing up whatever is in her stomach.” Leia’s stern facial expression did not drop, yet the young woman remained calm. “And you and I both know how horrible my mother is in the kitchen. There would not be a dinner what so ever if she helped.” The smile dropped, Rey prepared to take Leia’s response for face value. “Leia, I am all you are going to get. And even if you push me away, I am still going to be here.”

Neither women knew if Rey was talking about helping with dinner or Rey’s role in Ben’s life. Leia almost felt a sense of pride at Rey’s determined stance. Sure, it was against her, but Rey was smart and clever. The young woman had enough zeal to push Ben out of his comfort zone and enough tenacity to right her wrongs after her mistakes blew up in her face.

At a terrifying realization, Leia found Rey reminded her too much of her younger self.

With her poker face in perfect place, Leia huffed. “Then start peeling potatoes. I do not want to see a single one with a spec of skin on it.”

* * *

 

“Why the hell are we looking for cranberries? Doesn’t mom usually buy all the food then bring it with her up here?” Ben asked his father, the two men sharing matching disgruntled frowns.

The two Solo men were in the little market a few streets down, not completely out of the mountain terrain, making stores in the area scarce. The market was cramped, with only four aisles and a single check-out. If anything, it was more along the lines of a convenience store that happened to sell dairy and poultry.

“She usually doesn’t make cranberry sauce.” Han muttered, scanning the shelves with squinted eyes. Ben watched his father curiously; the older man was struggling to read the labels on the cans. “Ben I think the one in the bottom left corner is the cranberries.”

Ben barely looked down, “Dad, that’s a can of yams.” Ben braced himself for his next question, the words bruising Han Solo’s ever increasing ego. “Do you…can you…do you need glasses?”

“Ben, what kind of question is that?” Han sassed back at his soon. Ben did not respond, merely raising an eyebrow at his father. Not liking the way Ben reminded him too much of Leia in that moment, Han scowled. “Yes. I do need _glasses_.”

“You drove us here. We could have been killed.” Ben stressed, staring at his father in disbelief. He knew the great Han Solo had pride, but not enough to put his son in—Nope. Ben immediately retracted that thought. Of course Han would not care, no matter the odds.

Han shook his head, picking up a can. Luckily this on was indeed the cranberries. “Oh, hush Ben. You make it sound like I’m blind.”

Opening his mouth to retort, Ben ultimately decided to snap shut. There was no point in arguing with the stubborn man about his medical needs. As far as Ben knew, Han had not been to a doctor in last half of a decade. The grizzled man did not like hospitals or being probed, Ben learned this when Han had his gallbladder removed almost seventeen years ago.

“Then at least let me drive us back.” Ben compromised. All he received was a set of keys slapped into his palm, Han grumbling under his breath about his ‘damn kid’.

As they made their way to the register, Han spoke up. “Your mother is decided to make cranberry sauce because it is your grandfather’s favorite.”

Ben pinched his lips together at the mention of Anakin, suddenly overwhelmed. Most of his recent interactions with his grandfather had been sparse, Ben not too sure how to speak to a man who had distorted shadows of memories. Part of Ben regretted not spending more time with Anakin; he tried to get in as much as he could when his grandfather had first been diagnosed, but life took its own course.

More than likely this Christmas would be Anakin’s last.

A hollow emptiness rested inside Ben at the thought. How could he miss someone he never truly knew?

* * *

 

The flannel blanket drapped across Jyn and Cassian did little to bring warmth, but the two held on for security. The husband and wife of thirty years huddled together, Jyn resting her head on Cassian’s chest. She quietly listened to thump of his heart; her constant drum beat she’d listen to in quiet moments, or late at night when it was just the two of them. Which happened more often than not, now that Rey lived her own life.

Psychologist said parents needed to learn how to live and love each other again without the presense their child or children. Most couples struggled to be around each other in an empty nest. Jyn liked falling in love with her husband all over again, every day. She liked hearing him mutter softly in Spanish when he thought no one was listening. She liked the curve of his nose, and his small smiles that burst in to brilliant grins when he laughed. She liked so much about him, and loved so much more. She loved his _love_ ; for their daughter, for his job, for her. His love for simply living life.

“Mi amor, you need to tell them.” He murmured into her loose hair.

He was right. Jyn hugged him closer, trying to press the feeling of his body into her being. More for his sake than hers.

“I know.” She agreed. “But I feel like it’s not the right time.” She admitted, her cheek pressed into the cotton of his shirt. “After everything with Rey and Ben.”

They purposely brought Rey to cabin to be around people who loved her to break the news. To make the pain and fear easier to manage. The couple just did not expect all these revelations.

 “There will never be the right time, Jyn. You just need to do it.” Cassian reminded her, his free hand combing through her dark hair.

Jyn hummed in agreement. Neither moved, content to be wrapped in each other’s arms a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Han loves embarrassing his son, hahaha!
> 
> These last couple of chapter are what I like to call the 'picking up the pieces' chapters. Everyone understands there is some slight awkwardness and a need to figure out how to function together again. The pace will pick back up again next chapter :)


	16. December 6th 2016 & December 25th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 6th 2016: Luke runs into Rey and invites her to lunch.  
> December 25th 2018: Ham and mortality are discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A six hour train ride can cause great rumination, and now after days of contemplation, I know where I am going with this.  
> And I shall warn now-- the end is on the horizon, but I still have a few more chapters up my sleeve :)
> 
> Please, enjoy and let me know what you think!

**December 6, 2016**

“Luke?” Rey exclaimed, surprised to see her old family friend in the middle of campus. She had been on her way to her International Relations lecture, but came to a quick halt at the sight of a familiar grizzled beard and tweed jacket. Ben would never admit it, but he definitely got the grouchy tweedy professor look from his uncle. “What…what on earth are you doing here?”

Luke blinked at her, surprised she was in front of him. “Rey! I completely forgot you attend Southern Naboo.” Luke pulled her into a bone crushing hug, “It’s so nice to see you. I feels like it’s been ages.” He sighed, letting her go with a pat on the arm. Rey saw Luke briefly over the summer, he’d gone to visit her parents before he went off on his next expedition—Guadalajara. The travel writer wanted to brush up on his Spanish with the family, catching up an added bonus. “I’m here as a guest lecturer for the History Seminar on the Monasteries in 16th century Portugal.” Rey smiled brightly; she’d read most of Luke’s work on the multiple monasteries he visited, the history buff in her singing praises to his dedication. She tried to read them with gusto, but found herself needing to take her time—Luke liked to describe in great detail, and she wanted to absorb every aspect of the temples as though she were actually there. Not everyone was like Ben, who could pick up a book and sit in one place until he reached cover to cover.

“That’s exciting Luke,” Rey congratulated, adjusting her messenger bag strap on her shoulder.

“The great thing is I get to see Ben,” Luke smiled; meanwhile, Rey felt her heart drop to her stomach.

No one in their respective families knew about their relationship. She could not screw this up now, not when they haven’t brought it up again for a while. They had other things to discuss and well, argue about—their families getting the mix would not help whatsoever.

“Oh… that absolutely fantastic. I, uh, I never _knew_ Ben even went here.” Rey inwardly cringed at her awful lie.

Luke did not comment on her obvious discomfort of the subject, though his grin diminished a twinge. “Yeah, he’s an English professor, just finished his Masters a little over a year ago.”

“What? Wow.” Rey said enthusiastically, nodding her head up and down one too many times to be deemed normal. Of course she knew Ben finished his Masters—she was at the ceremony! The building anger she felt towards his family spiked for a moment at the memory—Ben had invited his parents, yet the cycle of excuses made their rounds again. Leia could not leave the office, working on a bill, meanwhile Han who was completely planning on attending was stranded in the middle of Texas for reasons he did not want to disclose. Rey had a feeling it was to do with illegal drag race. Luke, of course, was off in South America again, but sent a thoughtful letter to Ben that came a week after the ceremony. “He must be doing well!” She continued perpetuating with a forced smile.

The gutter of her mind knew exactly how well he was doing.

She shook those thought off.

“You know what, why don’t you join us for lunch?” Luke offered, with glee. “I think seeing you will be a lovely surprise.”

“Such a surprise.” Rey squeaked, scolding herself for being so transparent. Luke didn’t know, did he? No of course not. “But you know, I don’t want to impose—”

“Nonsense! You’re practically family!” Rey winced a little, though Luke was too consumed by the prospective meeting to see her distaste at the sentiment.

* * *

 

“Hello Uncle—Rey?” Ben never thought he’d see his girlfriend practically towed into the café by his uncle. The wide eyes she sent immediately cause him to mask his confusion and familiarity with her presense. “Rey? Is that really you?” He tried again, a hand clumsily raking through his hair.

“Sure is.” Luke supplied before Rey had the opportunity to open her mouth. “I cannot believe you two have never ran into each other.”

“Big campus.” Ben offered an answer, his right hand fiddling with the cuff of his left sleeve.

“Yup,” Rey agreed, rocking on the balls of her feet. “As it has been great to see both of you,” Her excuse began, though the disappointed droop in Luke’s eyes and Ben’s dark brown eyes begging for escape caused her to rethink her route. “I think we should…sit down and eat.”

As the three settled into a table in the corner, Ben continued to shoot Rey glances—concerned, confused, and annoyed all bundled up into one intense, however pretty, gaze. Luke then excused himself to the restroom, leaving Rey and Ben a moment alone.

“Why didn’t you tell me your uncle was in town?” Rey hissed across the table.

Ben frowned, “I didn’t know we were back to telling each other every little detail of our lives.” Rey refrained from flinching at the intentional jab. Ben raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to respond.

“I told you I was sorry.” Rey gritted out, shoulders bunching.

“If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place.” Ben shot back, leaning over the table. He peeked over her shoulder, he saw there was still no sign of Luke.  “I thought we told each other everything.” He admitted, his hurt seeping through his words.

Her shoulders slumped. “We do. I was already planning this before we even started a romantic relationship.” Rey reminded him, perturbed by his blatant stubbornness. “You are being a real hypocrite right now.” She huffed, picking up a napkin from the stack at the end of the table. She began twisting and ringing the tissue like paper.

Ben licked his lips. Rey was right—he was being a hypocrite, especially when someone they were lying to was having lunch with them. But he still had the right to be a little bothered; finding out his girlfriend was going abroad for _three months_ in the New Year was a bit to take in. Especially when she never brought it up once, until the other night.

Very casually too; right in the middle of the throws of passion. It was awkward to say the least.

Ben caught Luke’s form coming closer, “We’ll talk about this later.”

* * *

 

**December 25, 2018**

“I can’t do this.” Rey declared panicky to Ben the moment Leia left the kitchen.

Han and Ben came back from the store a few hours ago, the two still kicked out of the kitchen as they were both men and Leia was sticking with her rule to prevent any mishaps. Which made the day more difficult than Ben anticipated. For starters, Finn was still awkward as ever, excusing himself every often to help Rose with _anything,_ until she screamed rather loudly from their bedroom how she ‘ _did not need a helicopter boyfriend and to leave her the hell alone for two minutes.’_ Ben stifled a laugh, recalling a similar situation with himself and Rey during her pregnancy.

Then Poe asked too many questions. _Too many questions,_ some Ben did not even know the answers to. About the new book, the series, if he could have a character based off of _him_.

Ben rolled his eyes and muttered, an ‘ _of course’_ to get the giddy man off his back.

Surprisingly, Luke remained mostly silent, sitting beside his mother and father, writing diligently in his notebook. Ben knew better to not disturb him. Meanwhile, Han had gone out back with Chewie to gather more firewood— Ben was pretty sure the two resorted to drinking beer in the frigid air than be cooped up in the house with the rest of the family.

Occasionally, Ben popped his head in the kitchen, just to make sure the two women were getting along. And to check to see if he still had a mother and girlfriend. Leia and Rey seemed fine…

“Why? Is she giving you a hard time?” Ben asked, stepping further into the kitchen, to Rey by the island.

“What? No,” Rey relaxed a bit, though she twisted the kitchen towel in her hands tightly. “We’ve kind of established a rule, ‘if you are not going to say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.’” That was undeniably smart of the two. “It’s been pretty silent.” Ben cringed. “But she did ask how you were honestly doing.” Rey added as an afterthought, Ben’s tension lighting up a little. “It’s the _cooking_.”

In retrospect, Ben should have comforted his girlfriend, or at the very least offer encouraging words. Instead, he broke into laughter, wheezing at the mental images his mind conjured up of Rey cooking and ultimately failing.

“Ben!” Rey cried out indignantly, whacking his arm with the kitchen towel. “It’s not funny.” She grumbled, eyes narrowed.

“I think its hilarious.” Ben chortled. “I told you to not be in the kitchen.”

“Well its Christmas, your mom had no one else to help her,” Dissatisfied with herself, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at Ben. “Ugh, I did this just to prove a point.”

“To prove what point?” Ben asked, gently tugging Rey into his arms, the woman complying effortlessly.

Rey pinched her lips, eyes dancing around to anywhere but him. “To prove, _ya know_ …I’m good enough.” She mumbled, a little embarrassed.  Ben tried not show his surprised, but the huff from Rey told him his efforts were futile.

“Rey, you don’t have to prove to my mother, if you are, I don’t know, ‘ _wife material.’_ ” Ben brushed away the loose stands of hair around her face, his left hand gently caressing her face. Subconsciously, Rey leaned into his touch. “Because you’re more than that. You’re my other half.”

Silence fell between the two, Rey’s light hazel gaze boring into Ben’s dark brown.

A tiny smile flirted on Rey’s lips, “That was awfully cheesy.”

Ben shrugged, feeling a surge of bravado as Rey’s hands rested over his chest. “I know. But you think it’s _hot_.”

Rey chuckled, stepping further into his space. “I _do_ ; it’s a bummer we can’t just make out right now.” She blinked up at him obnoxiously, purposely trying to get him to spill into laughter.

“It sure is.” Ben continued nonchalantly, placing his right hand over where Rey rested her left over his heart. He bent down until they were almost eyelevel. “So I am going to walk away and leave you all hot and bothered.” Ben teased. He then pressed a quick kiss to her temple, Rey smiling foolishly at the affection.

“My goodness, you two are worse than Han and Leia.” The two jumped, surprised to see Luke peeking his head through the kitchen door. “And I lived with them at the height of their lovefest.” Luke gagged, heading to the stove to put the kettle on. “I’ve been wanting tea for the last hour, but I decided I would not like to be injured by the hands of my sister.”

Now under Luke’s presense, Rey moved to step away, but Ben still held her close. Catching his drift, she relaxed under his touch; they were to be normal. And normal Rey and Ben participated in ironically cheesy flirting and liked to hold each other just because they could. Simple as that.

Luke turned around, taking in the nearly complete dinner. Leia had prepped for days making the majority of the cooking process easier, but that did not mean Rey knew and inkling about putting glaze on ham, or making mashed potatoes, or baking real homemade macaroni-&-cheese. She stumbled, spilled and nearly burned Leia twice. The older woman did not say much about these mishaps, which made the entire situation worse. Rey’s anxiety spiked in the silence, ruminating and spinning down the spiral of questions and insecurities. She was glad Leia decided to go take a break, speak to other occupants in the cabin and take a restroom break.

Her break gave Rey the pleasure of breathing like a normal human being for once in the past three hours.

“It looks not half bad,” Luke commented, “Have you guys decided whose going to cut the ham?”

“Come on Uncle, do we really need to do this?” Ben asked, put-out by the tradition.

“Yes!” Luke demanded, hands reaching out and head jutted down like a turtle, exasperated by his nephew. “What kind of question is that Ben? For the first time in years we have all the men in the family together. We can finally pass down the Christmas carving duties!”

The tradition was purely stupid, created by a sexist era for men to claim their dominance over the other. At least that is what Ben argued at the dinner table of Christmas 2010, the last time he recalled his mother verbally telling him, in person, she was proud of him. Han, Luke, and Anakin were arguing over who gets to cut the first slice of ham (never turkey—that meat was solely reserved for Thanksgiving; another holiday with an entirely different debacle. Nothing could ever be average with the Skywalker-Solos) at the dinner table. Han said he should do it because he was Leia’s husband, his wife the eldest Skywalker child by ten minutes, therefore he gets the duties. Meanwhile, Luke argued that he was the actual son and heir to the Skywalker line, so therefore he should have carving duties. Yet like the stubborn old man he is, Anakin shut them both down, roaring rather loudly (Ben was sure his ears were ringing after that) he was ‘ _Still fucking alive nimrods’_ and ‘ _to sit their asses down before he carved their bodies himself’_.

Ben was sure Grandpa Anakin became his idol that day.

“Ben, your grandpa has been holding on to that role for his entire adult life. With his health the way it is, it’s dangerous for him to hold a knife.” Luke reasoned. The kettle whistled behind him, Luke turning around to take it off the stove. “So I believe I should continue the duties.”

Ben crossed his arms, “Why don’t we change this so-called tradition. Why not have Grandma Paddy or mom, both very viable Skywalkers for the job, do it?”

Luke frowned at Ben, “Ben I see your point—”

“What the hell are you doing in my kitchen Luke?” Leia questioned, entering the room once more. She paused momentarily at the sight of Rey and Ben together, but then pushed a strained smile in their direction. Her piercing eyes then snapped to her brother. “Luke?”

“Tea.” The younger twin lifted his mug for her to see. “And I was discussing with the lovely couple who should cut the ham. They agree it should be me.”

“What? No.”

“We did _not_ agree.” Ben and Rey defended, their words overlapping each other. Leia pursed her lips at her brother, soaring a brief glance at Rey and Ben.

“It doesn’t matter. Dad is cutting the ham. End of story.” Leia declared, picking up the apron she left behind in her earlier departure.

“But Leia—”

“Luke,” She stopped, facing him straight on. “It’s probably his last Christmas.” Leia raised her eyebrows, daring him to continue his man-whining.

“He barely knows how to pick up a fork to feed himself.” Luke reminded her softly, the pleading no longer for his sake but for everyone else’s. The family and their extended found family— everyone—struggled to witness Anakin slowly lose himself, the great mind becoming less and less with every passing day. The beginning wasn’t terrible; Ben visited his grandparents as much as he could in the beginning, Rey on tagging along on these visits as his friend and then later girlfriend. Anakin remembered Ben’s face and the major details if his life, though he had his many journals to reference. Of course the journals could only do so much when Anakin no longer recognized his own handwriting, or to remember the importance of reading the journals in the first place.

It had only been in the last year that everything started running away from his mind like the current of a stream. It had only been the last year since everyone else decide to make more of an effort.

“Fine,” Leia sighed, “You can do it this one time. But if dad shows any sign of wanting to do it. You let him.” She warned Luke lowly, tired from the day’s work and the family stress, “Now both of you leave, Rey and I are almost done.”

Luke nodded satisfied, dragging Ben along as he exited the room.

As he passed the dining room into the living room, he heard a voice call out to him. “Ben, have you seen Rey?” Turning to the left, he saw Jyn at the bottom of the stairs. She looked a little better than last night, yet there was something odd in her tone. An urgency Ben had never associated with his godmother.

“She’s in the kitchen. Why?” Ben answered walking over to Jyn. He noticed how she worried on her lip, but her eyes remained firm.

She swallowed. “I need to discuss something important with her…” She lifted her eyes to him, searching his face. Nodding to herself, from her own conclusion, she continued, “But I think it might be better if you knew before we broke the news to her.”

The words ‘broke the news’ raised scarlet red flags in Ben mind, but he agreed nonetheless. Quietly he followed her upstairs, an unnamable weight meddling together in his gut. Jyn led him to her and Cassian’s room, his godfather standing by the window.

The door was closed behind Jyn, she crossing in front of Ben to speak to him. She glanced behind her, Cassian sending her a gentle, sad smile, but still not moving to be beside her. She reached over and held Ben’s hand in her own.  A sense of deja-vu settled over Ben; a distant memory of a teenager slamming his hand into the wall, and his godmother cradling his hand speaking to him slowly, while her husband stood in the background offering his silent but still support.

Ben felt another part of him was breaking before Jyn spoke.

“You know, despite everything. We love you. I love you like you are my _own_ son. Because in a way you are.” Jyn breathed deeply, her hand clutching his with a lack of its usual fervor. “But you’re the only one who can help us tell Rey…but it also breaks my heart to tell you.” Jyn licked her lips, blinking away her pooling tears. She looked up at Ben with her stern blue eyes. “Ben, I’m dying. I have an inoperable tumor, we found out a couple of weeks ago.”

Ben’s brain short-circuited. Jyn…Jyn was _dying?_ But that wasn’t possible. She’s probably the healthiest person he knew, both physically and mentally. She did _good_. She did not deserve this. Rey did not deserve this…Cassian, oh Cassian. He…Ben could not image the grief.

A great part of Ben wanted to deny the information, because why on earth would Jyn of all people have cancer? Then instinct and observance forced him to accept it, not matter how difficult and bone crushing it felt. She pulled him aside to discuss this matter privately, because after it all Jyn still trusted Ben.

Ben knew this moment was truth, reality.

“…That is why we sprung this trip on Rey, to get some time with her before we told her the news.” Jyn explained, her hands still holding his. “Ben, _please_ , I need you to say something.”

Lightly, he turned Jyn’s hands, now cradling her slowly fading hands in his own sturdy grasp. “I think… we are all going to have to tell Rey together. It might be best to do it after dinner, or maybe tomorrow.” Jyn nodded, while Cassian murmured in agreement. “But I think we should go down stairs and get some hot chocolate, because I have to admit this _hurts_ like hell,” Jyn smiled sadly at Ben, silent droplets of tears fleeing from her eyes. “But it’s still Christmas, and your still here; that deserves something.”

Jyn exhaled a relieved sigh, squeezing Ben’s hand.

* * *

 

Parts of Ben’s home were fading away; he could only hope he’d be able to savor these few moments left.

When he saw Rey, he pulled her into the warmest kiss, not caring of the possibility of his mother as an unwelcomed witness.

“What was _that_ for?” Rey asked with a chuckle once he pulled away, her hands resting on his forearms.

Gazing down at her, he felt the guilt gnaw at his being. He hated lying to her, he hated keeping anything away from Rey—they told each other everything, to the point there were zero boundaries. It was ridiculous, but also extremely freeing.

“Just because I love you. I love you _so_ much.” He told her honestly, pressing a firm kiss to her forehead. “And for you never to forget that.”

Rey smirked up at him, “Oh, I know.”

Behind them, on the other side of the kitchen door, Leia held her hand to her chest. Her right hand toyed with her wedding ring—a ring placed on by Han, shucked off by Leia more than three times in their turbulent marriage, and now on her finger again.

Those stubborn, clever, and determined kids loved each other, and Leia felt nostalgia in their presense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadness, forgiveness, and flirty Reylo (Rey totally finds Ben's dorkiness hot, haha) :)  
> FYI, the flashback will be continued in the next chapter ;) And timeline wise, this is two weeks before Rey gets Ben his dog, Gary.  
> Also a chapter from 'Spring is Sure to Follow' is referenced in this; its chapter 8: Sprained Wrists
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> P.S. I have a tumblr I am terrible at mentioning, it's @intp-slytherin97 :)


	17. December 6th 2016 & December 25th 2018 Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 6th 2016: Lunch is still awkward with Luke, and Rey and Ben are not great with apologies.  
> December 25th 2018: Dinner is eventful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the majority of this chapter has been sitting in my laptop since Tuesday. I was tempted to hoard the chapter longer, but then realized the longer I sit and stare at the word doc would not make it exceedingly better. I might make some little tweaks through out the week.
> 
> Now that my little wallow-rant is over, please enjoy the chapter!

**December 6 th 2016**

“Uh, what’s your major Rey?” Ben asked, Luke looking expectantly at her.

“History…with a minor in International Relations.” She answered before stuffing another piece of bread in her mouth. A sharp laugh escaped Ben at the sight of Rey’s puffed out cheeks. He quickly muffled the offending noise with the palm of his hand. She continued to stuff more bread in her mouth the more questions she was asked. Rey loathed awkward situations and despised being put on the spot, which made this lunch a dastardly combination for the woman.

His poor girlfriend was a stress eater, always had been and probably always will be. Ben once witnessed Rey eat an entire platter of cookies during a wake, only sharing maybe two with him. She was quite the scavenger when she wanted to be.

“Oh, we have great History department. I teach English. I received a professorship after I finished my masters.” Ben said, rather unenthusiastically. His left sleeve was probably in tatters with how vigorously he twiddled the fabric by his wrist. To prevent himself from fiddling with his sleeve again, Ben began to stir sugar and cream into his coffee.

“You teach English….how…exciting.” Rey spoke between swallows, nodding her head more than deemed average. “I’ve always liked English because, I’m ya know, _English_.”

Mid-sip, Ben snorted in his cup of coffee. Leave it to Rey to make a bad joke to relive the tension. Despite the mild disapproving frown he sent her way, Ben was pleased she did it. “I never even knew you were English! I just thought you liked the accent and stuck with it. You were a kid, I didn’t question it.” Ben shrugged, setting his mug back down. Smug, he watched as Rey bit her lip, either to keep herself from making a dangerous quip back or to fall into a round of laughter.

Composing herself, Rey spoke, shoving another torn off piece of bread into her mouth. “How many other things did you ‘not question’ just because I was a kid?” Rey asked primly, leaning forward, ready to hear Ben’s ridiculous possibly half-assed answer.

Just as Ben prepared to speak, Luke interrupted with a chuckle. He shook his head with a sly smile; Ben tried not consider if the smile was honestly sly, or all knowing. “I swear, it’s as though no time has passed.” The older man’s gaze flickered between the two, hilarity swirling in his perceptive, squinting blue eyes. He had not been wrong. Not time, except maybe a day, had passed between the last time Ben and Rey saw each other. But Luke was also not wrong from his own perspective; When Ben and Rey happened to meet and reconnect it had been simple and easy to get back into the flow of their friendship. In retrospect, Ben believed the time spent away had been a graceful and unforeseen blessing. “How on Earth did you two lose contact?”

Neither expect _that_ question.

Rey blinked back into a confused, young girl before Ben’s eyes. She honestly didn’t understand either.

“I am not too sure.” Ben admitted, a little ashamed. “I—I got busy, with school and work…”

“You were supposed to visit in the summer.” Rey interrupted his musing, Ben looking up stunned. He didn’t remember that. “It was, like, almost seven years ago.” Rey shrugged nonchalantly, but Ben noticed how her jaw set as she spoke. Rey was upset, undeniably so, yet tried to act as though she didn’t care… A futile tactic, as Ben, who knew her in every intimate way, was aware of Rey’s heroic flaw and effortless, lovely quality: She cared. She cared _too_ much, and it hurt her more often than not. A strange combination of guilt and frustration coiled and simmered within Ben. “You were supposed to visit over the summer, but then you got an internship and didn’t come back…until Grandfather Kenobi died. And you came and went in the same day.”

“I—” Ben never knew, or considered how she felt. Disconnecting and growing apart was natural; Ben experienced fall outs with numerous acquaintances and college friends. He did not think deep about he and Rey losing contact. She was thirteen at the time, concerned with the likes of middle school drama, getting good grades, and the soccer team. He was twenty, trying to keep his scholarships and stay on track with his school work while working, not to mention his mother and father's relationship issues. His parents had a blind tendency to suck him into the middle of their chaos.

A kid did not need to be invested in adult problems. Maybe, subconsciously, Ben made an effort to slowly push Rey out...until she no longer reached out to him.

“Ouch.” Luke muttered, taking a sip of his tea. Rey and Ben turned their heads at the comment, instantly reminded they were not alone, but in the intruding and observant stare of Luke Skywalker.

“Well,” Ben cleared his throat, turning to his uncle, “How about that lecture? I thought you never wanted to teach.”

Luke tilted his head to the side, not happy with the change of topic, yet answered his nephew’s question. “Naboo is my alma mater. When they asked me to be a guest speaker I couldn’t say no.” His bright smile did little to ease the tension between the two.

“Well _I_ will be attending.” Ben stiffened at the declaration. Technically, he and Rey had plans that night; it wasn’t anything major, just going to see a movie. With the current tiff between the two, he wasn’t too sure if they were still going, but she clearly made a decision. “I’ve read all your books and I absolutely love them.” Rey complimented Luke, “Your literary voice is authentic. It’s like I can hear you speaking to me in the room.”

“Aw, you are too nice,” Luke waved off, the waiter bringing their entrees. “You know, you can be travel writer after you graduate? I think you have the right spunk for it.”

_What?_

At the suggestion, Ben accidentially knocked over his empty coffee cup, the porcelain sharply clattering against porcelain. Clumsily, his hands rushed to settle the disturbance, feeling several eyes burning into his jacket. Quietly, the waiter took the empty cup, relieving Ben from his struggle

Rey leaving for a couple of months—Ben will be able to survive; he’d force himself to, because in the end she’d be returning home. She’d be coming back to him. But continuously leaving for months at time? The fiery ache caught under his chest, where it fumbled and twisted in his ribcage, grew immensely at the mere thought.

“Oh, no.” Rey’s firm words cooled the festering spiral of anxiety Ben felt seeping into his bones. “I’d like to travel, I am actually going abroad next semester,” To see her face light up at the prospect of travel, Ben suddenly realized how much Rey genuinely enjoyed the idea. “But I’d rather travel with my boyfriend.” Unable to hide his emotions in his vulnerable features, Ben pointed his gaze down focusing intently on his entrée of chicken pesto. His fork pushed and shifted the pasta as he listened, never taking a bite of his meal.

Luke perked up, “You have a boyfriend? I must be old if you have a boyfriend.” He joked, Rey chuckling along politely.

Ben ignored the flutter of warmth in his chest he still felt whenever Rey referred to him as her ‘boyfriend’; instead he shoveled pasta in his mouth as Luke and Rey continued to chat about Europe, and her abroad plans to England.

* * *

 

Ben heard Rey before he saw her.

After the awkward lunch, on their parts not Luke’s…well at least Ben hoped Luke did not notice anything, Ben lectured for his remaining class of the day before going back to his apartment. A half-eaten box of pepperoni and mushroom pizza laid open on the kitchen counter, Ben leaning against the counter. With one hand he held his worn copy of _A_ _Farewell to Arms,_ while his other hand went limp with a barely bitten slice of pizza.

The low click-clack of her heeled boots sounded against the floor. She turned the corner, freezing to take in the sight of Ben slouched over a book in the middle of the kitchen.

“Please tell me you are not reading Hemmingway?” She asked as Ben tucked the novel under his left arm, away from her view. Rey knew him too well—Hemmingway was undeniably his go-to author whenever he felt resentment towards himself, or the need to wallow in his own mistakes.

Compared to earlier in the day, Rey looked more polished than the ‘haggard college student’ image she displayed for the world to see on the daily. Her hair was pulled back, looking semi-presentable with nicer shoes and her hair done, the grey sweater on the other hand, Ben swore Rey had worn it three days in a row.

“I…” He refrained from finishing his sentence as Rey walked closer to. She did not stop until she was able to lean against the counter beside him. With great restraint, Ben declined the urge to pull Rey closer to his side, her body heat tempting their close proximity. “How was the lecture?” He tried, tossing his unfinished slice of pizza back into the box.

Rey shrugged, her right hand reaching into her hair. Gently she loosened her ponytail, her warm chestnut hair brushing against her shoulders. “It was… _good_?” She then turned to the box of pizza, picking off the mushrooms of her slice.

Ben smirked, his arms crossed, “I sense a hesitance there.”

Slowly closing the lid of the box, Rey winced at how true Ben’s statement rang. She opened her mouth, yet paused, her explanation taking considerable thought. “Luke, though he is an intelligent individual, is _not_ a teacher.”

“He ranted about monks.” Ben surmised by the dissatisfied down turn of Rey’s lips.

“He ranted about monks,” She repeated back deadpan, “for _forty-five_ minutes in an hour and half lecture.” She stressed, aggressively biting into her pizza. “I never knew someone could despise and adore monks with such _passion_.” She shook her head quickly, bewildered as though the lecture was playing on loop in her mind.

Ben bit his lip, watching Rey as she examine her food for a second before taking another bite. She was no longer upset with him, Ben was certain…yet there was the lingering air of tension. They needed to discuss what happened.

“I…I’m sorry for—”

“It was my fault, I should have—”

Their apologies overlapped, Ben struggling to speak coherently, while Rey’s words were speedily scrambled together. Realizing this, Rey and Ben both let their excuses and explanations die on their lips.

Shyly, Rey smiled up at him. “I should have told you about my plans,” She inhaled deeply through her nose, “I was scared that we’d—you’d—”

“Break up?” Ben offered, “You thought we’d break up?”

She nodded slightly with an ungraceful jerk of her chin. If Ben had not been searching for some sign of acknowledgement he would have missed the subtle gesture.

“I don’t think breaking up has ever been an option, or even entered my mind.” Ben reassured Rey, rubbing soothing circles into her shoulder. “I reacted like that because… well I—”

“ _I know_.” Rey smiled softly. “It’s going to be rough sometimes, being away…”

“We’ll be fine.” Wrapping his arm around her, Ben pressed a firm kiss to her temple. "I'm not letting you go again."

The warmth of her forgiving, welcoming arms wrapped stealthily around his torso was enough conformation for Ben. He could breath easier with her by his side; they will be alright.

 

* * *

**December 25 th 2018**

“Leia are you sure you and Rey don’t need—”

“Get the hell away from me Finnard.” Leia ordered, setting the cranberry sauce on the table. Finn looked to Rey who shrugged helplessly back. Leia was a determined woman, and Rey had learned to simply follow the woman’s orders in the kitchen.

Adjusting the arrangement on the table, Rey set down the mashed potatoes rolling her eyes at Finn’s hovering. “Don’t you have a girlfriend to take care of, or I don’t know a Luke to bother. He’d love to be bothered.” Rey shooed, earning an exasperated sigh from Finn.

“I have been banished out of both the living room and the bedroom.” Finn picked up the stack of red cloth napkins and began placing one with each plate. The kitchen door swung open, Finn tossing the stack to Rey before Leia could see him helping. The older woman set the large pan of uncut ham at the head of the table, all the sides and main entrées set.

Without glancing his way, Leia spoke to her nephew, “Finn, what are you doing just _standing_ there? Go get everyone for dinner.” She inspected the table as though it were a military unit, wiping the wooden table with her index finger. “Clean enough.” When she noticed Finn had not moved, she waved him off with the mere raise of an eyebrow. “Go, Finn.”

“Now she wants my help,” He muttered to Rey on his way out, already shouting for the family to gather before he reached the doorway.

Leia shook her head at his departure. Lips pursed, she turned to Rey. The young woman willed herself not to squirm under the Senators intense brown eyed gaze; she stood strong this long, breaking now would only demonstrate weakness. “You did good, dear.” Leia praised softly, gently untying her apron.

Rey blinked once, then twice. Leia…complimented her? Realizing she was probably staring like a gaping fish, Rey closed her mouth and gave a half nod. “Oh, thank you.”

Leia smirked, balling up her apron in one hand. She walked over to the door furthest left of the dining area, which lead to the washroom. She tossed her soiled apron into the room, prompting Rey to do the same. “Maybe next you and Ben can host.”

A bark of laughter escaped Rey, she slapping a hand over her mouth the instant the sound made its presense known. Biting her lip, Rey shook her head, “You are funny. Ben and I hosting Christmas would be…” Rey cringed, “Like the earth splitting. We can barely host friends let alone family.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” Leia chastised, absentmindedly tucking away loose hair from her braided, greying bun. “You’ve always been like that.” Rey received Leia’s sad smile with as much grace as she was able to muster. “You’re more capable than what you set yourself up to be.” She admitted to Rey quietly, the fire in her eyes dim but warm.

They reached acceptance, or had at least opened the road to acceptance in a few encouraging words. Rey could live with that, rather than none at all.

“I can walk on my own Finn.” Grandma Paddy’s voice declared was she and Finn entered the dining room, the grandson helping his grandmother into the chair near the head of the table despite her protests.

Luke entered a few moments later, Anakin at his arm. He gently led him to the head of the table. Meanwhile, Han and Chewie came back from the outside minutes earlier, their noses and lips chapped from the cold, and buzzed grins plastered on their faces. Leia scolded the two, while also patting Han—Rey wasn’t too sure if Leia was patting him to bring warmth back into his body, or if the woman was trying to be affection.

Not long after, Rose and Poe came into the room, chuckling about something—only laughing harder when they caught sight of Finn. They were quickly followed by Ben and Rey’s parents, the three speak in hushed tones, Rey unable to decipher what they were saying from her side of the table.

Seeing Rey, Ben’s face softened, his eyes warming for her. He crossed to the other side of the table, pressing a quick kiss to her left cheek.

“Tell me which dishes you made and I’ll be sure to avoid them.” Ben joked earning a light jab on the ribs.

Rey rolled her eyes at him, taking a seat at the table. Ben followed suit, sitting beside her. Silently, Ben’s hand drifted to her own under the surface of table. Without a flinch of hesitation, Rey captured his larger hand in her own. She smiled at Ben, he grinning softly back at her; things were starting to appear right in her world.

Most of the family had been seated, rather tightly, except for Leia who had momentarily disappeared into the kitchen. Surprisingly, despite the slight commotion Rey and Ben caused the previous night, most of their family were interacting normally. Anakin and Padme sat towards the head of the table, the elderly woman having a hushed conversation with her son on her left. Further on Luke’s left, with Rose sitting between the two Skywalker men, Finn chatted with Poe. The assistant somehow found himself squished between Finn and Chewie, though that did not deter the fanboy from gushing over some new superhero film that had premiere on Christmas day, the two young men making plans to see it together after the holiday. At the opposite head, Han sat with open chair to his left, for Leia, he and Cassian discussing cars—like they _always_ did.

Jyn sat on Rey’s right, quietly observing and awaiting for dinner to begin. Every so often, Jyn would glance to Rey and smile.

Though, Rey noticed the lightness and casual air of her gesture did not her quiet match the rest of her mother’s demeanor. Jyn was tense around her shoulders, her jaw set. Her quiet, pensive eyes were the only attribute preventing her from completely fading into the background like a wallflower. Just as Rey was about to question her mother, Leia carrying a large knife to cut the ham.

“Alright,” Leia announced as she stopped at Luke’s chair, “Since this is the first time we are all together, in _years_ , for the sake of tradition, Luke will cut the ham.” She said monotonously, clearly displease with the decision, but handed her brother the cutting knife nonetheless. From the other end of the table, Han’s grumblings were heard.

Standing up with lack of grandeur, Luke lifted the knife to prepare for the cut, when a wrinkled hand struck out to catch his wrist.

A bleary-eyed Anakin Skywalker blinked up at his son, before violently tugging the knife towards himself, trying the rip the cutting knife from Luke’s grasp. Despite having his mother’s softer compassion, the Skywalker stubbornness was present in Luke though it be seldom. A jerky, clumsy tug of war for the knife progressed between father and son, family members scrambling to put a stop to the battle. Desperately, Padme moved to over Anakin’s right shoulder, coaxing him with soothing words to let go of the knife. Meanwhile, Leia resorted to shouting at her brother to carefully force their father’s iron grip off the sharp object. Han hovered above the two pairs, trying to figure out his best options to jump in and stop the fight.

Wanting to help his family, Ben began to reach a hand out into the middle of the tiff. Noticing the movement out of the corner of her eye, Rey’s hand flew out and caught Ben’s pulling their joined hands to her side.

“What—” Ben hissed.

“ _Trust me_. I have a bad feeling about this.” She insisted.

A sharp cry of pain, followed by panic stricken silence reverberated in the room. The couple’s heads whipped to the outcry; Ben gapped, eyes wide while Rey’s hands flew to cover her mouth at the sight—

A large knife was embedded in Luke’s wrist.

And there was blood, spilling _everywhere_.

The sound of Rose’s vomiting brought everyone from their muted tunnel of shock, shouts and yelps blasting from the room’s occupants.

“Oh, god. That’s a lot of blood!” Luke winced out, face scrunching together then out, as though it would release the pain from his body.

Shuffling around the room became a circus, Finn ducking out of Poe and Chewie’s way to lead a queasy Rose from the room, while Jyn had charged out into the hallway, on a mission. Rey quickly rushed to Padme’s side, the grandmother struggling to catch her breath after she released her husband from her grasp. Flustered by the chaos, Rey turned to Ben, raising an exasperated eyebrow at his stock-still stance.

“Ben!” Rey’s voice brought him back into the present. He moved on autopilot, maneuvering past Rey and Padme, to help with the now dazed and muttering Anakin.

“Shit, it must have cut into an artery.” Han commented amongst Leia’s shouting for a towel, towering over the crowd to get a better look at the damage. Jyn came barreling into the cluster with a blue towel and a half empty bottle hydrogen peroxide. “You can say the kid was _gushing_ for the cut.”

“Han! Not now!” Leia scolded her husband, flustered by the amount of blood on her hands. Though Han did not look the least bit upset; he saw an opportunity and took advantage despite the current situation.

“Do we need to call an ambulance?” Poe called out, phone already open at the ready.

“Not enough time, especially with all this snow.” Ben calmly spoke up, surprising his mother, father, and uncle. Since a boy, Ben was known for his outbursts—the yelling, throwing, crying. He’d been an aggressively emotional young boy, then teenager, now a man. It was during his time with Jyn, Cassian, and Rey did he gain better control of his anger, yet his immediate family did not recognize this partially due to the lack of visits on both sides.

Rey could only recall once in the past year Ben let his anger get the best of him, and it was within reason.

She watched as Ben gently led Anakin to a corner of the room, sitting the elderly man on the bench by the bar. “We need to drive him to the hospital ourselves. Make sure to call the nearest place and let them know what happened and we are on our way.” Poe nodded, searching for the closest hospital on his phone.

“Someone go get a car!” Leia ordered, her hands and Jyn’s overlapping to put pressure on the wound, Cassian already heading out the door with Chewie before Leia spoke. Poe followed close behind, nearly shouting over the phone to be heard over the grumbling and indignations of the Skywalker clan.

“I’m pretty sure I heard a bone crack from the force.” Luke gasped out as Leia and Jyn slowly led him out.

Behind them, Han shook his head as he picked up the cloth napkins from the table. “Never a dull moment with this psychotic family.” He muttered, turning around take in the grotesque picture of a once nicely organized Christmas table. Blood was already drying on the hardwood floor, while the mashed potatoes and ham were painted with bright red splatters of Luke’s B positive blood. Looking up, Han smiled to Rey. “Get out of this family while you still can, kid,” He began to laugh, but silence himself when he felt the harden glare of Padme Skywalker. He cleared his throat, looking the picture of an ashamed child. “Of course not you Padme; you are a delight and I am honored to call you family.”

Ben scoffed at his father’s attempt to back-track on his insult. “You sure know how to charm a woman, Dad.”

“I am going with your mother.” Han ignored his sons quip, “Try and get his cleaned up before you head on over to the hospital. It looks like murder scene.” Done with his final orders, Han sauntered out of the room.

Helplessly, Rey looked to Ben only to find him staring at her, shell-shocked. “That….that really happened.”

“Yes.” Rey answered, not too sure how to react to a situation such as this. There weren’t handbooks on how to handle a limb being stabbed at the dinner table, nor on how to counsel ones partner after such an experience.

Nevertheless, with a dining room to clean and hospital visit, the couple had long evening ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YUP I DID THAT.  
> The image of Luke's hand getting fatally cut during Christmas dinner was what inspired this entire fic. It's also the scene I have been hinting at in the comments :)
> 
> And the scene at the end of the flashback is designed to feel awkward because it is for the couple; this was kind of their first 'big fight'. Rey and Ben squabble like an old married couple when they are not making dumb/bad jokes to each other, but they don't get into major arguments. This is kind of this verses version of their struggle to communicate about important matters.
> 
> Now get ready for long awkward car ride with the grandparents! Whoop!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! I love dicussing the fic with all of you and hearing what you guys think! :)


	18. December 1st 2018 & December 25th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 1st 2018: Ben is concerned for Rey.  
> December 25th 2018: Its still Christmas--Ben is stuck in a car with his grandparents and girlfriend on their way to the hospital to see Luke, who may or may not have a hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH I HAVE NOT UPDATED IN WEEKS.  
> Sorry, life is kind of busy (Last week of the semester this upcoming week) and I have three other fics, and I am procrastinating on ending this fic because WOW I actually might finish a fic, and I still can't believe the response I have received and I am forever and eternally grateful to all you lovely readers! 
> 
> Typos/Errors will be fixed through out the week.
> 
> Also, I recommend reading the first chapter of 'Spring is Sure to Follow' if you have not done so before reading this chapter :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**December 1, 2018**

“Babe, it’s after ten. I think it’s time to get up.” Ben gently shook Rey’s shoulder, only to have her sink further into the pile of blankets. Her faded checker blanket was tucked close to her chest, curled into a fetal position.

This was the fourth day in a row she refused to get out of bed.

He understood the pain, but he could not let her fall into a pattern, especially a pattern he’d been all too familiar with.

A small whimper was heard from the door. Ben glanced over his shoulder to see Gary blinking up at him, his leash dangling from his mouth covered with drool. The dog was quite apt at picking up human emotions, Ben on the receiving end of more slobbery dog licks than usual the past few days.

Maybe that what Rey needed. Something to get her out of the apartment, Gary providing the perfect opportunity.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Ben brushed away Rey’s hair from her face. He expected a frown or grumble; instead a vacant face of his girlfriend looked back him. “Hey…I think Gary needs to go for a walk. I have some work to do and can’t take him so…” Slowly she blinked before pushing herself up, getting up without a single complaint.

The crease on Ben’s forehead deepened; Rey loved Gary, but absolutely hated walking their fury companion. His pacing was a little too sporadic for Rey, the dog more so walking her rather than her walking him. To see Rey willing walk the dog, Ben’s concern could not help but grow.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben watched as Rey shrugged on her green coat and tie up her shoe laces.

Momentarily, he wondered if this was how Rey felt—a constant state of worry for him. An improbable concern that did not cease no matter the assurances.

“Come Gar-Bear,” Rey called to the dog as she went into the hall. Scratching and clattering of Gary’s paws on the hardwood floor alerted the couple of his excitement. “We’ll be back in a half hour!” Rey called out to Ben, the sound of apartment door opening mixed with Gary’s heavy pants.

He only had thirty minutes…

* * *

 

**December 25th 2018**

“You have that look on your face.” Rey said, fiddling with the heater knobs on Anakin’s old, 1990s Subaru station wagon. When they tried to get Anakin into Ben’s car, the grandfather refused, nearly throwing himself into the piles of icy snow.

Apparently, since he began to need more assistance, Anakin only traveled in _his_ car, not anyone else’s. To prevent any further trips to the hospital or injuries, Ben decided to relent. He, Rey, Padme, and Anakin climbed into the aged vehicle to drive down the mountain.

“What look?” Ben asked, squinting to see through the snow on the windshield. The snow was making the already long journey, painstakingly longer.

“The look,” Rey repeated, glancing briefly at Ben. She twisted the knob again, heat finally puffing steadily from the vents. “The look you are keeping something from me.” She rolled her eyes, “You know I will find out eventually. I always do.”

Ben scoffed, “Me…hiding something? I’m not…. _hiding—_ ”

“Don’t lie,” Rey interrupted, “You’re an awful liar.”

“She’s not wrong Benjamin.” Padme chimed in from the backseat. He checked the review mirror to see Padme sitting attentively, her husband’s hand clutched lightly in her own. Their intertwined wrinkled and boney hands rested tenderly on her lap.

“I am not hiding—”

“Why are we in a car?” Anakin grumbled, silencing the other passengers. He hadn’t spoke for the majority of the ride, or when they were still at the cabin.

“Dear, we are going to visit Luke.” Padme told her husband lightly, with an air of practice. The elderly woman pressed a kiss to Anakin’s knuckles, the tension bunched up on his shoulders deflating at her tender love.

Rey sighed, turning a worse for wear tuning knob to find a working radio station. “I’m just saying it is pointless to hide something from me.” She mumbled, raising her eyebrows at Ben. She was determined to get the information out of him, playing strategically to the weakness of his lack of argument.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye again, lips pulled into a poised frown of annoyance. Ben did not like that look—that look meant trouble. “We’ll talk about it—”

“Benjamin, you need to pull out the map.” Padme ordered from the back seat.

“I have a GPS. I got here fine with it.” Ben reassured his grandmother.

“The mountains are not forgiving Ben.” She warned with little room for disagreement.

Picking up Ben’s phone from the cup holder, Rey winced at the screen, “Yeah, or your phone battery only has twenty percent left.” She informed him, dropping the phone back into the cup holder. Ben suppressed a groan—he did not think much of his phone’s battery life when they were bundling up for the cold. Of course, that had been when he still thought he was using his car with a plug for a phone charger, not a semi-retired, faded 1990s vehicle.

“Check the glove compartment. There should be a map in there,” Padme suggested.

Rey pushed the button, the compartment popping out jerkily, bumping aggressively into her knees. Digging through decades old receipts and questionably old pill bottles, she eventually found a pristinely folded map of the Sierra Nevada’s at the bottom. Gingerly she opened the map, trying to find their location in the dim lighting of the interior. Reaching into the cup holder, Rey shut off the GPS on Ben’s phone. “Alright, I think you’re going to take a left up here.” She muttered, laying out the map on her lap.

Ben nodded, pushing up his glasses with one hand. The car remained silent

“It has nothing to do with anything back at home does it?” Rey suddenly spoke up.

“What?” Ben asked.

“No, of course not. It must be recent because you’ve been fidgety since before dinner, but you were perfectly fine this morning.” Rey reasoned, lifting the map closer to her eyes. “By the way, you’ll be going straight for the next few miles.”

“I’m always fidgety.” Ben defended, flexing his hands on the steering wheel for emphasis.

“With everyone else, sure. But not with me.” Rey declared. She twisted the tuning knob on the radio only to get static.

“In this weather, you won’t find any clear stations for a while, dear.” Padme informed Rey, the young woman sitting back against the passenger seat once she realized her efforts were futile.

“Then it must be something you discussed with your father or my parents.” Rey continued on, her eyes flicking to him every few seconds, as though he would spill to her his secret any moment. Which usually, he would. They rarely kept anything from each other, and pretending to be ignorant was proving to be more difficult than he anticipated.

“Just because you insistently watch me, doesn’t mean I’m going to crack.” Ben fought a smile, noticing out of the corner of his vision how Rey’s eyes narrowed on him.

“So you do admit you are hiding something?” Rey pressed, her focus completely on Ben, while he tried to train his eyes on the road.

“What? No—” Ben denied, frowning at Rey’s determination to get the information out of him. He made a promise to her parents. He had to at least keep this promise.

“You just admitted inadvertently that you are hiding something.” Rey grinned despite her accusatory tone. “And I know for a fact it cannot be about proposing.”

Ben felt his heart stop.

How the fuck did she know he might propose?

“Wait, wait, wait,” Ben sputtered out frantically, “What— _what_ makes you think I might propose? Or even have one planned?” Ben asked indignantly, before realizing how awful his question sounded—as though he had no intention to marry the only woman he ever truly loved. The truth was the farthest from his jumbled mess of words; he had a ring before they even started dating, when they were still friends reconnecting after years of separation. “Not—not that I think…I _want_ to get married someday I—”

“I know about the ring.” Rey sped out, slamming her eyes shut the instant she finished speaking. Ben did not register her admission until half a beat of silence—

She knew about the _ring_ ….SHE KNEW ABOUT THE RING?

“What the hell Rey?!” Ben cried out, his brain now running a mile a minute trying to comprehend how she knew about the ring. “You—you know about the ring? How long? How long have you—”

“I _really_ don’t want to say.” Rey shook her head lightly, a flustered blush splattering across her neck.

“How long?” Ben asked again, hoping against hope she knew _maybe_ since they’ve been at the cabin…or if God was on his side, only a couple of weeks.

Rey glanced down at the map, swallowing, “Maybe…almost…three years?” She answered meekly.

“You’ve…you’ve know that _long_? We weren’t even dating then!” Ben resisted the urge to turn to Rey, needing to be focusing on driving. Part of him of temped to pull over to finish the conversation from the safety of off the road, but the sharp eyes of his grandmother and the occasional grunts from his grandfather reminded Ben he had a destination to keep in mind.

“I know.” Rey rolled her eyes, “I found the ring when I was staying with you when I had strep throat. You were gone, and I couldn’t find my socks and I thought I could just borrow a pair of yours and I found the ring sitting there innocently.” She explained with a huff, shifting in her seat, unable to run from the conversation she had accidentially forced upon them. “And it confused me because you weren’t seeing anyone, and well…I really wanted it to be for me, because I was already more than half way in love with you and you’re just a dense bastard sometimes!” Rey lifted the map, covering her face as she looked over the directions. “You’re going to take a left up here.”

He followed her directions absentmindedly, Ben’s mind preoccupied with Rey’s confession, “So you’ve known for the longest time,” He tried to reason with a level head, doing his best to keep his temper in check, “and never said anything?”

He did not understand. They loved each other, had the makings of a life together, made _a_ life together—they had seen the worst and the best and everything inbetween…why did she never say anything? They both knew this was _it_ , right?

“Well,” Rey lowered the map, her eye finding Ben’s briefly, before facing forward. Less snow covered the surrounding trees and road now that they were further down the mountain. “I didn’t mind waiting.” She shrugged, she snuck a peek behind her to find Padme examining her trimmed and painted nails as though she had not been privy to Ben and Rey’s rather not so private conversation. “Ben,” She said with a hush, a soft smile on her lips. “It’s not like I haven’t waited before. I’d wait my entire life for you if I had to.” She chuckled, unable to look away from him

“I…” He was at a loss for words. She wasn’t wrong.

For most of their lives, they loved each other unconditionally. They loved in the way friends did over time; built on mutual trust, passions, and suffering—specifically the suffering of their ridiculously competitive and stubborn parents. He’d would have done anything for her within reason, because Rey was his best friend and understood him better than anyone else. Though it was no secret she loved him in a romantic way far longer than he ever did her…she waited to grow up, she waited for him to see her as more than a forgotten friend, she waited until he was ready for her…

And she’d wait until he found the right moment to propose.

If Rey exercised any virtue exceptionally well it was patience.

“Well this is not how I planned for this to happen…” Ben muttered, finally seeing a sign for nearest hospital. Only twelve more miles.

“Did you even have a plan?” Padme spoke up, Ben groaning lightly at the fact his grandmother heard the entire conversation.

“Yes..,” Ben said. “I had a great plan that is effectively drained down the toilet.”

“Sorry,” Rey apologized with a sympathetic shrug. Ben was definitely the romantic out of the two, and loved to put effort into the little things and important moments. Such as putting together a proposal.

“Nope, nope. It wasn’t your fault, nothing is actually your fault.” Ben assured Rey, rolling his shoulders. “In fact, if anything, it is my fault; I planned for a nice trip to New York with my girlfriend who I planned to propose to during New Years, instead I spent the majority of Christmas trying to hide my relationship, then having a really emotional and painful part of my life brought up again—which the purpose of the trip was to move forward. Look how great that turned out,” Ben laughed mirthlessly, his breathing getting shallow. He continued speaking, unable to switch off the valve his grandmother and girlfriend had unintentionally opened, all his anger and insecurities from the previous forty-eight hours spilling from his lips as his voice grew louder with every word. “And half my family doesn’t know how to interact with me, not to mention I promised my girlfriend’s parents I’d keep their secret and it is eating me from the inside out keeping it from her, and I am currently on my way to the hospital because my grandfather tried _to cut off_ my uncles hand! Yes Grandma Paddy, I had a plan and it went to shit!” Ben slammed his hand on the horn repeated, “Goddamn it, what the fuck is my life!”

“HUSH!” Anakin growled from the backseat, Padme trying to shush him by rubbing soothing circle into his shoulder, the man calming down under her gentle touch.

“Babe, is this what a panic attack feels like because I feel like I am having a panic attack and I’m having a real hard time breathing.” Ben sputtered out to Rey, ignoring the sting of frustrated tears prickling his eyes. He felt like everything was spiraling, and spiraling quickly. The events of the last few days were finally catching up to him.

“Ben, love, pull over.” Rey spoke gently, laying a gentle hand on his forearm. Listening to her, Ben pulled over to the side of the road. He heard the click of her releasing seatbelt then the release of his, “Come on, well switch spots. I’ll drive the rest of the way.” He nodded numbly, slowly trying to catch his breath.

Ben inhaled, his chest quivering. He slowly began to pick out items to count in his line of vision. “That hasn’t happened since—”

“I know.” Rey answered simply, her hand remaining steadily on his arm. “It’s be an overwhelming couple of days… it’s almost over.” She brushed away some of his hair, “Things are getting better… not everything is going to shit, Ben.” He nodded, his clenched hands lifting from the steering wheel. “But I get it, I do.” She pressed a tender kiss to his temple.

Silently, she climbed out of the passenger seat into the cool night air. When the winter breeze hit the side of his face, Ben was brought out of his stupor. His eyes drifted to see Rey standing, waiting as she held the drivers side door open for him.

* * *

 

**December 1, 2018**

“Ben, we’re back!” Rey called out into the apartment, shutting the door behind her and Gary. Crouching down, she unlatched Gary’s leash from his collar, the dog shooting off to his favorite spot on the couch. “Believe it or not, Gary did not throw a fuss.” Rey spoke into the room, toeing off her shoes. She shrugged off her jacket and laid it on the back of the arm chair at the edge of the living room. “Ben?” She called out again. Still no response. “You better not have left…” She grumbled under her breath as she walked down the hall, back to their bedroom.

She opened the bedroom door, “Ben, I swear if…” Her next words died on her lips, a small gasp escaping her.

Stars were on their ceiling.

Glow in the dark stars decorated their ceiling…and suddenly she felt eleven again. An eleven year old girl spending her entire afternoon, jumping on chairs and stools to reach, sticking every star she had at her disposal up above the room. Slipping and tripping over her own two feet to get the stars to stick.

All to see her best friend smile again.

“Hey,” Rey turned to the greeting, her eyes falling on Ben who sat against the wall furthest from the door.

“Hi,” Rey breathed, her eye drifting back up to the stars, “did…?” She pointed up, already knowing the logical answer, yet needing confirmation.

He stood up, crossing over to her, “Yeah…I did.”

“But… how? You’d have to order them online, and there is no way,” She threw her hands up, eyes watering every time she caught sight of the glow in the dark stars, “They came this fast.”

Ben shoved a hand into his pocket, “I ordered the stars a few weeks back…I was going to put them up in the nursery.”

She swallowed down the ache in her chest, “Oh.”

“But…I thought,” He shook his head, tearing up, “It sounds really cheesy now,” He gave watery chuckle, finally making eye contact with her. “I thought, ‘Hey, why not put them up? Maybe she’d smile again.’”

“Oh Ben,” Rey said softly, stepping closer to him. She slipped her hand into his, intertwining their fingers together. He squeezed her hand, afraid she’d let go. She gazed up at him in adoration, “I love it so much.”

Pressing her forehead into his chest, she smiled in his warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a virtual box of tissues!  
> Let me know what you think, what your favorite parts were, and all that jazz! Comments and kudos are always appreciated :)


	19. December 7th 2018 & December 25th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 7th: Rey calls her mom.  
> December 25th: The family gets news on Luke's surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been too long. Thank you all for being so patient and wonderful readers! 
> 
> I am procrastinating on this fic because I really don't want it to end-- which I know I have been saying that for the last five updates, but I am just shocked I am so close to finishing a fic and it kind of freaks me out. 
> 
> You also may have noticed I put how many chapters are in the fic. It might be subject to change to possibly less, but I shall warn a chapter or two ahead of time!
> 
> But here is the next chapter! Please enjoy! :)

**December 7 th 2018**

“Rey that is wonderful news!” Jyn smiled into the receiver, surprised by her daughter’s unexpected change of plans. Sighing lightly, she adjusted the pillows behind her. She’d been attempting to get some rest after her doctor’s appointment, but the excessive prickling of needles and blood work exhausted Jyn. “What caused this if I may ask?”

Two weeks prior, Rey called to inform Jyn she would not be able to come home for Christmas and New Year’s. Apparently, she and her friends were coming together to throw a holiday get-together since they were all stuck in town due to work. Jyn tried not to think how similar the excuse sounded to her daughter’s reason behind missing Thanksgiving dinner. Even though it became increasingly difficult to accept, Jyn understood her daughter was a grown woman with her own life outside of her mother and father yet…

Sometimes it felt as though Rey had an entirely different life outside of her family.

Jyn only felt this sense of deception recently, especially since Rey’s calls slowly became less frequent, along with several months between visits. The mother could barely recall a brief visit from her Stardust in the beginning of August, a week before classes resumed for Rey. Home for three days, Rey mostly kept her conversations focused on school and on how Jyn and Cassian were doing.

“Ah…I just really want to see you guys. A lot has happened recently, and I think it is best if I visit for a few days.” Rey answered shakily, Jyn able to hear the sound of her pacing as she spoke. Mama Bear senses kicked in at Rey’s unusual tone—for the last few phone calls Rey sounded as though she were bursting with joy, continuing to assure her mother she’d know soon enough.

Jyn sensed whatever it was must have gone wrong.

“Rey, what happened?” Jyn asked, sitting up ignoring the flash of lightheadedness behind her eyes.

“I,” Rey’s deep sigh only caused more worry for Jyn, the desire to wrap her daughter in her arms increasing by the passing seconds. A muffled, lower voice was heard from Rey’s end of the conversation. Jyn knew her daughter had a boyfriend; she must have with the clumsy excuses she prepared. _I went out with a friend_ , or _oh I can’t talk right now because I’m with a friend_ , were common utterances. Also the infrequent visits due to this friend— _I can’t come because my friend has this event and he asked me to come along_. Or _my friend isn’t going home for the Thanksgiving and I don’t want him to be alone_. Cassian was convinced this ‘friend’ was a boyfriend due to the lack of name tagged, no doubt due to Rey’s own purposeful omissions. “You know mum, it’d be easier if I told you in person.” She clipped tiredly, Jyn unable to help but wince at Rey’s abrupt change of attitude.

“Alright, but you are for sure coming on the twenty-first?” Jyn asked

“Yes, for sure I will be arriving on the twenty-first.” Rey parroted back, “But I need to get going on Christmas Eve.” She warned, as though Jyn were the child in the relationship.

Not that Rey could be considered a child anymore. Nearly twenty-two, almost done with her degree, living on her own…All adult accomplishments. These reassured Jyn—Rey will be fine.

“Yes, of course,” Jyn smiled into the receiver, “I understand. I can’t wait to tell your papa the good news.”

The two exchanged quick goodbyes, Jyn trying her best not to prolong the conversation. Her caught was clearly busy, or at least had company. They had plenty of time to talk over her visit.

* * *

 

**December 25 th 2018**

“Our options are questionable coffee or questionable tea, take your pick.” Han offered to Leia, holding a tray of several warm drinks. Distractedly, she picked up a tea. The warmth radiated in her hand, Leia holding the paper cup for comfort rather than consumption. Noticing the tremble in her hand, Han took a seat beside his wife. “Hey, sweetheart,” Leia turned her head wearily at him, “Luke’s going to be fine. The worst that can happen is him losing a hand.”

“Han,” Leia scolded halfhearted, finally bring the cup to her lips. One sip in caused her to gag at the overly bitter taste of the green tea. “This is disgusting.”

“I did say questionable.” Han reminded her, sipping his coffee with little qualms.

For the last half hour, Han and Leia had sat in the waiting room with the majority of their house guests. Upon arrival, Luke had unceremoniously been shuffled off to the operating room. Which left most of the hodge-podge family to their own devices. Unsurprisingly, the waiting room was mostly empty save for a few people here and there. It was Christmas after all—most families avoid accidents. Contrary to society normalcy, the Skywalkers magnets for disaster. Especially on holidays.

The florescent lit room made it difficult for the family to relax, most finding ways to distract themselves, or help. A few minutes into their uneventful waiting, Chewie and Poe went to find food for the rest of the _gang_ , as Han fondly called their gathering. Meanwhile, Finn sat off in the corner with a sleepy Rose. Every few moments, a light snore sounded from the girl. Finn tenderly cover her with his jacket, he also drowsy from the chaos.

“Hmm, I wonder when our son will get here,” Leia muttered, her eyes bouncing between the entrance and the doors Luke disappeared through. Han did not bother to comment, with little desire to get into _that_ conversation again.

He and Leia reached an impasse on Ben’s withheld information. Both were disappointed Ben never shared his relationship with them, yet the burn stung Leia more than Han. At one point, both Han and Leia were close with their son…yet somewhere along Ben’s adolescent years they began to lose understanding of each other; as though they all spoke different languages and did not know how to translate into their own.

A muffled ping was heard in the waiting room. From a few seats over, Cassian dug through his pocket for his cell phone. He squinted at the screen, “Rey just sent me a text. They should be here in a few minutes. She’s trying to find parking.”

“Oh, good.” Han supplied, sipping more of his coffee. He held the tray to Jyn and Cassian, the couple two chairs away from his left. “A drink?” Jyn hummed in gratitude, picking up the remaining paper cups.

The two sets of parents fell back into their silence, drinking their mediocre coffee and tea in attempts to avoid talking. Han could _maybe_ recall one instance where he felt strange around Jyn and Cassian—when he dropped Ben off at their house after his incident. The troubled father felt ashamed he could not be there for his son. Embarrassment did not even begin to describe how Han felt facing two of his oldest friends that day; he failed as father and needed help. Yet he did not receive the judgement he’d been expecting. Instead, they promised to take care of Ben and left the matter at that. Han had never been more grateful for Jyn and Cassian.

“I’d…I’d just like to say,” Cassian cleared his throat, hoping to break the awkward mood that had been built since Ben and Rey’s revelation. “I’m glad it’s Ben.”

“Right back at you,” Han grinned to Cassian, “Rey is _way out_ of Ben’s league.” He chuckled, earning a firm swat on his arms from Leia.

“What my husband is trying to say is,” Turning away from a grumbling Han, Leia’s focus fell on Jyn and Cassian, “We love Rey. We always have…” She shook her head at her own pride, at her vocal hurt, “I should not have acted that way last night. Everything was just so…”

“I know,” Jyn smiled softly, “Part of me still wants to kill the two for lying for so long yet,” She licked her lips, holding Cassian’s hand tighter, “Why waste so much time on anger? Or scolding…when I can love what they have found in each other.” Blinking, Leia felt more than a share of wisdom pass between she and Jyn, but a gentle gift. Solemn, Jyn released Cassian’s hand and moved to stand in front of Leia. “Let’s go for a walk. My legs are getting restless and we haven’t had a time to chat.” She offered her hand, palm open.

Leia’s eyes drifted to the double doors, “Luke…”

“Will be fine.” Jyn reassured Leia. “Come on now.”

With a final glance at the doors, she took her friend’s hand.

* * *

 

“I hate hospitals,” Ben muttered as he led his grandfather through the hall. A little ways ahead, Rey strolled with Padme, their heads bent towards each other as they spoke. An occasional cackle escaped the young woman, Ben feeling an innate tug in his chest at the sound.

“You and me both,” The raspy voice brought Ben to a halt.

Did he just…?

No. No. It would be—

“I had to get thirteen stitches on my right eye in this very hospital.” Anakin said moodily, pulling a recovering dumbfounded Ben along as he walked forward. “My friend, Benjamin, pushed me hard enough off the front porch, I went diving into Padme’s bush of blush roses.” The old man chuckled under his breath, shaking his head, “I miss him. Us Skywalkers can’t go far without finding a Kenobi. They keep us sane.” Anakin smiled fondly at the warped memory, his blue eyes sharper, like the man the family loved and loathed with great Skywalker passion. Moments like these were rare—where Anakin’s brain lost its fog and he could remember clearly, and laugh and smile without the confusion or obliviousness that had never been associated with the man until his old age. Moments like these became nonexistent in the last couple of months; for a while Ben was sure they’d never happen again.

Yet, Anakin was full of surprises. Ben unable to help but smile at his grandfather’s wise statement. “Kenobi’s are pretty great.” Ben nodded along.

“I want my grandson to marry that pretty Kenobi girl. She’s good for him.”

Anakin’s words caused Ben’s heart to stop.

His grandfather did not realize he was walking with the very grandson he was thinking upon. Ben’s grandfather no longer recognized him even when he was talking about him to _him_. There had been moments where Ben knew his grandfather had no idea who he was, but they still hugged each other and spoke on trivial matters.

But never had it been undeniably explicit to Ben than in that moment.

“I’m sure he will Anakin. Like you said Kenobi’s keep Skywalker’s sane.” Ben assured Anakin, the ailing man composing himself into silence once again, with the occasional grunt as they walked.

Ben tried not to think how Anakin’s health went south after Old Man Kenobi’s death.

* * *

 

“Family of Luke Skywalker?” Han shot up at the sound of the doctor, the sound of Finn quickly shuffling heard behind him. In his chair, Cassian leaned forward to catch the conversation. Both Leia and Jyn were still gone on their walk, while Ben and Rey had yet to arrive at the waiting room. Not that anyone expect them to rush as they had both Padme and Anakin in their care.

“Yup, Brother-in-Law and Son right here,” Han patted Finn hard on the back, the groggy young man woken up by the gesture. He looked considerably brighter than he had been a few seconds prior.

The doctor eyed the two, unconvinced, but decided to carry on, “Good news: Luke’s going to be fine. He had a bit of blood loss, but nothing drastic. Not so great news—”

“I have bad feeling about this,” Han muttered, staring down the shorter man. The doctor did not flinch at Han’s imposing height nor did he react to his comment.

“The not so great news is due to the amount of time it took to get Luke here caused the open limb to experience trauma and infection, especially with the temperatures. The actual break of the bone—which we’ve never seen a bone actually broken through with a carving knife—” Finn stifled a laugh which earned him another hard pat on the back, a reminder to ‘ _shut the hell up_.’

“The old man has more strength than we give him credit,” Han joked, turning on the old Solo swagger. He hoped it wasn’t too bad…

“We had to completely amputate the hand.”

“Oh god.” Finn gapped, surprised by the news. He glanced behind him to see Cassian’s eyes wide with his chin in his hand, trying to process the information as well.

“Shit.” Han groaned, scrubbing his face. Luke was actually going to lose his fucking hand? “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Uncle Han,” Finn glanced between the doctor and Han, trying to figure out how to handle the situation. “I know it’s a shock, but my dad is fine.” Finn shrugged, placing a comforting hand on his uncle’s shoulder. “I mean it will be weird for a little while—”

“God, kid that’s not why—” Han swatted away Finn’s hand away, shaking his head, “I told Leia the worst that could happen was Luke losing is hand—and Luke is _losing his hand_.” Han stood tall again, reminding himself he had to be put together and not think about his wife’s reaction.

Dear god, he could not think about Leia’s reaction.

“The amputation has already been done.” Finn interjected, “So technically, Luke has _lost_ his hand.”

Han rounded on Finn, “That doesn’t make it fucking better.” He hissed, before mumbling a quick apology. Finn was just trying to lighten the mood, not cause more aggravation.

“It seems like this information needs to settle.” The doctor eyed the two, “A nurse will come and let you know when you can see him, and with the remaining paperwork.” Han and Finn watched as the doctor parted, disappearing through the double doors.

“Well… at least he’s relatively okay?” Cassian offered. Han scowled, slowly crouching into the seat beside him.

“Yeah, I guess,” He grumbled, his lips quirking, “The upside is I now have new muse for nicknames.” The men chuckled together, Han known for giving Luke hard time since the moment they met. “He’s going to have to learn how to write with his left hand.” Han chuckled with a shake of his head, finding more humor in the situation the longer he thought on it.

“Do you think he’ll get a prosthetic?” Finn asked pulling out his phone to start researching about hand amputations. “Because that would kind of be badass.” Finn paused, frowning at his sudden realization, “I never thought I’d associate badass with my dad.”

“Neither did I,” Han nodded as he sighed deeply. Leave it to Luke and Anakin to make the already most stressful Christmas in decades even more eventful. He had enough of a headache and heartache with Ben and Rey, then he had every right to find the humor in Luke’s accident. If old age didn’t get to him first, the Skywalker’s were going to be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke has definitly lost his hand, which has been in the plan since the beginning. And of course Han is more concerned about how Leia would be upset he basically spoke Luke's amputation into existance, haha.
> 
> Also, the flash backs are now in the same year as present time! In the final stretch my friends! 
> 
> And Ben and Anakin *sobs*  
> We are definitly getting a Spring is Sure to Follow chapter this week after that!
> 
> Let me know what you think! What were your favorite parts, lines? What made you laugh or cry? I love discussing the fic with my readers!  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! :)


	20. December 12th 2018 & December 25th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 12th 2018: Leia wants to have Christmas at the family cabin.  
> December 25th 2018: Rey is tired of this bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: ANGST.  
> So, things get funny. Then sad. Not like it is any different than what I already give all of you!  
> Typos will be fixed through out the week :)  
> Anyway, Enjoy!

 

December 12th 2018

“Really? The _cabin_?” Han asked Leia, warily keeping an eye on his wife as she moved about her home office. Papers and files were scattered upon her usually tidy desk—she was slipping up. In the last year, less and less of Leia’s heart was in her work. Han began to notice her desires to better the state of the country were diminishing; instead a new surge to be involved in her family’s life became her focus. “Are you sure you want to spend your Christmas break—three weeks I’ll remind you,” Leia rolled her eyes. Han seemed to have difficult time believing she was actually taking time off than her own staff. “In your parent’s cabin?”

“How many time do I have to tell you; it’s the _family_ cabin. Luke and I have more ownership than either of my parents.” Leia sat down in her comfy desk chair, waving for Han to sit down as well.

He didn’t.

“But all of us in the same room together? And Ben—”

“Ben’s not coming.” Leia snapped icily. “Like he does _every_ year.”

Han huffed, hands on his hips, “Princess, did you even call?”

Exasperated, she dropped her papers back on her desk. “He did not show up last year. Or the year before that.” She pursed her lips as she reclined back in her seat. 

“But he did show up the year before that.” Han reminded his wife.

To herself, Leia begrudgingly realized he had a point. “Okay… I’m afraid to call.” She admitted with little emotion; her son was a shadow, coming and going as he pleased. Sometimes she’d see him for all the holidays and breaks, and then the following year he’d be practically radio silent. Ben did not have a pattern, rhyme, or reason in his actions. “I am afraid I am going to call and he’s going to be married with three kids…and I would have missed it all.” She shook her head, rubbing the side of her face with her palm. Across from Leia, Han felt regret emitting off of her in waves. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen him face to face.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think Ben would get married without telling us.” Han chuckled, earning a halfhearted glare from Leia. “He wouldn’t.” He repeated softer, the gruff of his voice lighter.

“I just…I have this feeling he’s keeping _something_ from us. It’s like I don’t know him anymore.” Leia picked up her pen again, opening one of her folders lazily. The on-going ‘Ben’ conversation once again had a pin placed in it; she and Han always found their way back to discussing him, but more immediate matters were at hand, such as deciding on where to celebrate Christmas.

For once, Leia wanted to spend the holidays with her family and friends. Not coordinate a Christmas party or attend some gala or fundraiser. She could not even remember the last time she’d experienced a true Skywalker-Solo Christmas. With her parents, Luke and Finn, and…

“We should invite the Andor-Ersos over for Christmas at the cabin.” Leia suggested, Han pleasantly surprised by the familiar name.

“Jyn and Cas?” Han grinned, “We haven’t seen them in what— two years?” He shook his head; it could not have been that long, had it? Jyn and Cassian were family, even if their bond was not defined by legality or blood. The couple were in Han and Leia’s wedding and were Ben’s godparents. They had been there for Ben when no else could, and helped him when Leia and Han struggled to understand. At one point spending holidays and summers with Jyn, Cassian, and Rey was second nature. Of course things changed after Ben’s suicide attempt. Han liked to think even though Jyn and Cassian were his and Leia’s friends, they put Ben before their friendship. Most would be offended, yet Han nor Leia found such hostility in themselves. In fact, they respected their friends more; anyone having unrelenting faith and hope in Ben was worthy.

“We can invite their family to come to the cabin. They’d be a nice buffer if things start to get awkward or off the deep end.” Leia smirked, remembering the countless incidents Cassian and Jyn saved single handedly, the couple referred to as the ‘Dream Team’.

“So we’ll give them the same job as always.” Han shrugged, his mood brightened by the prospect of his old friends visiting. “I have good feeling about this.”

* * *

 

**December 25 th 2018**

“Rey, I need to tell you,” Luke blinked wide, blue eyes up at her. “You’re _adopted_.” He whispered conspiratorially to her, though anyone within a five foot radius heard him. Ben covered his mouth with his fist, swallowing down the burst of laughter resting in his chest.

Once the family had been informed of Luke’s condition (and Leia and Han argued about his little jest, “ _I didn’t think it would actually happen_!”), they had been allowed to visit him. Usually the hospital limited the rooms to three visitors, but Leia had been able to pull some strings to bump up the number to five. Their hoard of people needed to go in two intervals with Ben, Rey, Han, Leia and Finn in the first group. For his surgery, Luke had been sedated and given numerous amounts of painkillers, most of the party not expecting such a… _high spirited_ man.

“Uh…Uncle Luke, I know.” Rey said slowly, watching as the drugged man smiled gleefully at her. She immediately smiled back, nudging Ben to shut up. Finn was no better, tears streaming down his face from his held back giggles. Sitting up, Luke turned to the other concerned, and some amused, faces surrounding him.

His eyes landed on Ben, Luke leaning forward with a sudden serious expression.

“I saw an ocean. A huge ocean….and I was on an island.” He reached to rub his jaw with his right his hand, but stopped short. Everyone in the room held their breath, awaiting the inevitable breakdown.

Though it never came.

Luke dazedly starred at his bandaged, covered stump for a solid minute before resuming his story as though he were not missing a limb.

“An ocean, with rocks. And all the rocks floated in the air—”

“My god,” Han gasped, shaking his head with fondness. “He’s lost it. He’s _high_ …I’d never thought I’d see the day.”

Luke opened and closed his mouth like an alpaca chewing, struggling to get the words out from his cotton mouth and drug induced state. Taking pity on his father, Finn helped him drink some water. Luke greedily drank from the cup, going to reach with his right arm, but Finn pulled the cup away before any spilling incident to occur. “And Rey was there, and Ben, and Leia—”

“Now he’s just naming people in the room.” Leia murmured wearily as her brother continued to babble. “I’m going to go see if mom wants to visit him, let me know if anything happens.”

“I’ll record the whole thing.” Han announced, searching his coat pocket for his cell phone. Leia rolled her eyes, leaving the room before she could witness anymore of her husband’s antics. “Can’t make any promises it won’t be on the internet.” He came a little closer to Luke, phone in his hand, “Hey, kid. How ya doing?”

Luke beamed back dumbly.

Ben groaned into his palm, Rey patting his back in understanding. “I can see it now; headlines saying ‘World renowned travel writer, Luke Skywalker, loses hand in the most bizarre-yet-mundane incident, in his own family home’.” He commented dryly.

“Like people are going to care.” Han reasoned, recording Luke as he dopily muttered to Finn about the European island birds, puffins.

“They have huge beaks and eyes!” Luke sighed sadly, falling back into his bed. His head lulled to the side dramatically, “I want a huge beak and eyes.” He bemoaned.

“Okay,” Ben said dropping his hands down; he could not handle his uncle’s high musings any longer. “That’s it. I’m done. I’m going back into the waiting room.”

As Ben left, he heard Rey make her hasty retreat as well, following a few steps behind him. At the late hour, the hall was empty except for the stray night nurse checking in on patients. The florescent lights made it nearly impossible to be calm in the hospital setting, Ben picking up his pace to get back to the waiting room where the rest of their party remained.

Hospitals reminded him of too many issues—his suicide attempt, the loss of Celeste, Jyn… 

“Hey,” Rey called out a couple feet behind him. Ben stopped, the swinging doors to the waiting room in arms reach. Her arms were folded over her stomach, clinging her green sweater closer for comfort. Hospitals were never her favorite place either, where she held Old Man Kenobi’s hand at thirteen as she watched him fade away. “I know this sounds stupid to say,” She huffed through her nose, her self-deprecation making its presense known, “since, it’s been a pretty shitty Christmas,” Ben wanted to laugh at her understatement, yet Rey’s tone silenced him. “But are you okay?”

“I’m—”

“Don’t give me any of that bullshit you pull out for everyone else.” She reprimanded, stepping closer to him. She looked up at Ben, willing him to speak. He didn’t, Ben looking down upon her with a sadness she couldn’t quiet decipher. “I know something is eating at you. Since before dinner. I can feel it.” She gazed at him, her raw determination to care for him ever present. Her stern eyes were the one thing Ben could say never changed from the time they first met to her standing before him. He caved like a fool for her every time.

“Rey, sweetheart, I can’t,” Ben tried, “It’s not my place.”

“How is it not your place?” Rey asked, bothered by his struggle to remain firm. They did not keep secrets from each other, and it appeared as though keeping this supposed secret was doing him more harm than good. “Ben, we might not be married yet, but you are my partner. We can tell each other anything. This is upsetting you, whatever it is and I cannot stand for that. _What happened_?”

“It’s about your mother.”

“What?” Rey stuttered surprised her parents had any involvement.

Ben swallowed, “I’d really like to not have this conversation in the hall. Can we—”

“Um, yeah.” Rey licked her lips, her mind a warning with impending possibilities. Why would Ben even be placed in a position to keep something from her unless it was detrimental? “Why don’t we, go to the cafeteria? I am really hungry.” She spoke almost robotically, her mind running a mile a minute… yet her eyes stood locked with his.

Frowning, Ben gently pulled Rey to his side, leading her out of the hall. “I think I heard Chewie mention the caf has some chocolate chip cookies.” He felt her slowly brought her arms around his torso, safe for a moment in his arms.

* * *

 

“Has anyone seen Rey and Ben?” Leia asked, picking up her purse from her seat. Finn and Rose generously offered to stay the night with Luke, the young couple probably the best out of the family to help weather the man’s reaction in the morning.

“I’ve tried calling, but both are going straight to voicemail.” Poe informed her, going above and beyond his required duties for the holiday.

“Probably off getting it on somewhere,” Han’s commented was not well received, most of the tired family and friends openly glaring. “Oh, like you guys haven’t thought it?”

“No.” Jyn stated plainly. “I am pretty sure _none of us_ have thought about it.” She stood up, a good nature grin growing on her. “But now you have gave us a mental image none of us wanted in the first place.”

“I think they went to the cafeteria,” Cassian said, eyes focused on his cell phone.

“Why do you think that?” Poe asked.

“Because Ben sent me a text saying they went to the cafeteria…and that both of their phones are almost dead. Explains lack of response.” Cassian pocketed his phone, standing up. “I’ll go tell them we’re heading back.” He pressed a quick kiss on Jyn’s cheek, leaving the rest of the group to figure out carpool back to the cabin.

* * *

 

Somethings never changed…like Han was still going to drive his rust bucket—the Falcon—even if every single part had been replaced at this point. How nobody understood Chewie’s roaring, except for the Solos and Luke. How Cassian would always wake up early to read the newspaper, even in the digital age.

Somethings never changed— Ben learned this early in life…

Like how Rey was an emotional eater.

“Do you want more cookies?” Ben asked, as Rey finished another packet of _Famous Amos_. The cafeteria was closed for the night, but the opposite wall held various vending machines, the couple setting camp on the table closest to the food. Ben bought several packages of cookies, Rey devouring each with gusto as Ben gently broke the news to her. After twenty minutes, Rey had a decent pile of empty beige, foil packaging to her right. Chewing, her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk, Rey shook her head glumly. “You know...” Ben bit down on his lip, unsure of how to address the situation. Sadly, there wasn’t a handbook on tips on how tell your eventual future spouse their mother was dying. “You're taking this better than I thought you would.”

“I’m still in shock.” She answered his silent question of concern, stuffing the last cookie in her mouth. She scowled, her eyes zeroing in on him. “How did you expect me to react?”

“I expected exactly what you are doing now…except with more crying.”

“Do you want me to cry?” Rey asked, pulling out her wallet from her pocket. She plucked out two dollar bills. “Can you get me a cinnamon roll?” Ben rose an eyebrow. Rey waved the money in his face. “Just because I didn’t want any more cookies didn’t mean I was done eating.”

Ben gently swatted Rey’s hand away, wrapping her free hand in his own. “Rey, I just told you your mother is sick and is dying.” She blinked owlishly at him, her grip tightening in his. “I’m not saying you should be sobbing, or _angry_ but…” Ben’s eyebrows knitted together; he’d seen her grieve before. Too many times, in various capacities. This wasn’t it. Ben honestly wasn’t too sure how to comprehend Rey’s reaction to the news. “I’m just trying to make sure you understood what I said.”

“My mother is dying.” She stated tonelessly. “My mother is dying…and I feel like I am in a never ending nightmare.” She stood up, her mouth spread in a firm line. She twisted her hand out of Ben’s grasp, crumpling the dollar bills in her other palm. “Is that what you want me to tell you?” She asked rhetorically, Ben falling back from her stinging verbal slap. Without sparing him a glance, Rey marched to the line of vending machines.

“Rey,” Ben called out, his eyes following her as she passed him. Frustrated, Rey tried to straighten the dollar bills she accidentially crumpled. She feed the bills into the machine only for money to come spiting right back out. This repeated. Three times.

“Shit, motherfucker, damn it!” Rey growled at the machine, thumping her hands on the plexi-glass.

“And there she goes…” Ben muttered to himself as Rey continued to fight the vending machine with little victory. He knew either tears or anger were bound to surface at some point—he did not expect her mild indifference in the beginning. Though grief came in all shades, Rey’s a little more colorful than most.

“ _Why the fuck_!” She kicked the base of the machine, wincing in pain half a second later. Ben heard her walking back, deciding not to witness to her entire outburst. He’d seen enough of Rey’s anger to know when she’d reel herself back. Demurely, she sat back down across from Ben. Her hair was out of its low bun, loose around her shoulders. “What the fuck…” She blinked upward, gnawing on her lower lip. “I am not going to cry.” She enunciated sharply. “I’m not.”

“Okay,” Ben wordlessly held his hand out to Rey, she grasping his hand the instant she saw the offer.

“I…why is everything fucked up Ben?” Her chest shuddered from withheld tears. “I mean… four days ago, I turned twenty-two and everything felt like it was going to be _okay_.” Her voice broke, yet she persisted. “We were going to tell everyone once we came back, and no one would know _everything_.” She wiped away a rogue tear with her free hand. “And somehow…things blew up. Hell, we are in a hospital because your uncle got his hand cut off!”

Ben laughed.

“This isn’t funny.” Rey tried to remain serious, but found it difficult when she heard Ben’s joyous laughter. He had a way of making her smile when she least expected.

“I know,” Ben coughed, intertwining their hands. “‘Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs’.” He recited. A flicker of recognition danced in the threads of brown and green in her eyes.

“Jane Eyre.” Rey said, lifting her eyes back to Ben.

“I think…” Ben’s thumb stroked her knuckles, the familiarity of the curves and callouses on her hands giving him courage to speak up. “I think we need to let this all go. Yes, it’s shitty. Yes, neither one of us wanted our families to find out this way…but we need to let it all go.”

“‘Let the past die’?” Rey asked, her lips quirking to the side. A gleam of mirth in her eyes; she was not gone—angry, frustrated, confused—but not gone.

“Yeah,” He shrugged, “I wonder who wrote that.” He quipped sarcastically.

“It’s from the Starfleet Series, I know the author.” Rey needlessly bragged. She brought her other hand atop of their clasped pair. “But all joking aside, I think I know what you mean.”

A silent understanding passed through the couple, no other words needed to be expressed. They were moving forward, and letting go of their previous mistakes because things were already changing in the few days. Babies, illnesses, marriage…

“There you two are,” Cassian called out from the left entrance of the cafeteria. Rey and Ben’s heads whipped around at the sound of his voice. Neither were sure how long they had been sitting in content silence. “We are heading back to the cabin.”

Under his hand, Ben felt Rey freeze. Her grip then tightened, to a breaking point.

“Papa.” She exhaled. No longer able to keep her tears at bay, a ragged sob broke through her chest at the sight of her father. She wasn’t crying for herself. She wasn’t crying for her mother. She was grieving for her father—who knew, and had to live a future without his other half.

The thought broke Rey’s heart.

Her papa, _alone_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we get to see the assembly of the cabin squad.  
> High Luke quickly became my favorite Luke.  
> And yeah, Emotional Eater Rey strikes again. 
> 
> Now, I know some of you expected Jyn or Cassian to tell Rey, or for there to be a scene where Ben explicitly tells Rey about Jyn. Here's the tough pill to swallow: Rey's parents were never going to tell her until Ben said something to Rey. From their point of view, Jyn and Cassian do not know Rey as well as Ben. Sad but true. Because they tried to have this important conversation with Rey before-- like twelve chapters ago. Do we all remember the scene when Rey and Jyn are arguing before Pictionary aka the big reveal? Yup, that's when Jyn and Cassian were going to drop their bombshell, but of course, that didn't happen.  
> So Ben had to break the news to Rey or else know one would.
> 
> Let me know what you think! What were your favorite moments/lines/ whatever! :) I love discussing the fic with all lf you! Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! :)
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! @intp-slytherin97 :)


	21. December 21st 2018 & December 26th 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 21st: Rey likes her sleep.  
> December 26th: Christmas 2018 comes to a close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last chapter before epilogue.
> 
> Typos will be fixed throughout the week.

**December 21 th 2018**

_“Happy birthday,”_ A deep whisper tickled Rey’s ear, she shifting deeper under the covers to get away. A warm arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her into a familiar chest. “ _Happy birthday, sweetheart.”_ Firm, sloppy kisses were peppered up and down her neck, sending Rey into a fit of squirms. She’d always been extremely ticklish around her neck, her offender _highly_ aware of this little known fact. She twisted and turned in Ben’s arms, his so-called seduction turning into a laughing fit as Rey halfheartedly fought for freedom.

“Get the fuck off me.” Rey grumbled into her pillow, blindly shoving away Ben’s face.

Ben blinked at the sloppy whack. A rumble of laughter left him as her hand turned to caress the side of his face, while her head was still buried deep into her cocoon of pillows and blankets. Rey had always been a nester, cold to the bone, no matter the time of year. When she was little, Rey would drag Ben to the living room to watch horror movies at an equally horrific young age bundling themselves up in piles and piles of blankets, to the point it would take great force to lift them out of their self-induced trap.

Ben, on the other hand, radiated heat like a furnace. Which made cuddling great, but sometimes difficult with the amount of blankets Rey accumulated on their bed.

He smirked as Rey patted his chin twice, before tucking her limb back into the blankets.

Loosely his arms framed her body, Ben lying partially on his side. “I stood up until midnight to wish you ‘happy birthday’ and this is how the love of my life treats me?”

“You’re a fucking liar,” Rey’s head popped up from the little opening she made in her blankets. She squinted at Ben, “You fell asleep reading on the couch at _seven_ —like an old man.” She turned her head to meet his eyes with a knowing glint, “You probably woke up an hour ago and didn’t feel the need to go back to sleep.”

Ben bit his lips together. “You know…I’d like to think I put some effort into this—”

“And you did, my hopeless romantic.” Rey smiled at Ben, he feeling the indescribable tug in his chest at the sight. “But, babe its midnight and I’m tired and I need to pack for my par…” Her eyes began to droop, a yawn escaping her. “I promise I’ll be ready for your ravishing in the morning.”

She curled onto her side, already falling back into the clutches of slumber. A little bit of drool dribbled from her mouth.

Ben tired not to be disappointed when he hid the engagement ring back into the sock drawer underneath the bed. Rey was tired, and might have called out how obnoxiously cheesy it was if he proposed to her at midnight on her birthday.

He’d just push the proposal to New Years.

Gently, he eased himself back to lying in bed. Feeling the shift of the bed, Rey drowsily lifted the corner of her closest blanket, inviting Ben. Sliding under the covers, Ben burrowed beside Rey, feeling at peace when her arms wrapped around him in her sleep.

* * *

 

**December 26 th 2018**

By the time everyone arrived back at the cabin, Christmas Day had officially been over for roughly an hour. With some coaxing from Han, everyone agreed to simply open the Christmas presents in the morning.

“I…think I’m going to spend the night with my parents.” Rey muttered to Ben as he helped her shuck off her snow coat. “I really need to talk to them…and,” She released a shuddered breath, “I got to do this one alone.” She admitted quietly, gazing up at him shyly.

Ben nodded, content with her decision. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her temple. “Go.”

She smiled sadly at him, before she pressed her lips tenderly to his. He caught her waist, steading her as she dropped back down from her toes, “I love you.”

“You too.” He took a step back, “Go to your parents.” Ben passed Rey, walking up the nearby stairs to his old bedroom to get ready for bed. He’d been her rock from the beginning, and vice versa…yet somethings needed to be faced alone, with the knowledge there was somewhere safe to return to once all was said and done.

* * *

 

“Didn’t expect you to be awake.” Leia remarked as her son quietly entered the kitchen at the witching hour.

He froze at her voice.

Ben turned his head to her, watching as she lazily steeped her tea at the breakfast nook, dressed in pajamas. “I don’t sleep well alone…I usually can only get an hour or two.” He stepped further into the kitchen, heading towards the cabinet with the pots and pans.

Silence fell between the two, Leia with her tea and Ben busing himself with the stove. It wasn’t until he poured coco powder into the mix did she realize what he was making.

“I didn’t know you knew how to make hot coco.” She mused. From behind, Ben looked the spitting image of Han, except for his longer, darker hair. Those locks were all Shimi Skywalker, a grandmother she only heard warm tales about when her father had been in a particularly good mood. She never did meet her grandmother, the woman died young, but she kept the few photos of her safely hidden.

Ben stiffened as he whisked the warm milk and powder together. “Yeah, Jyn taught me.”

Leia hummed, her hands clenching and unclenching around her mug. She told herself it was due to impending arthritis, not how her son became a man without the nurturing of her and Han. Her heart grew weary at the mention of Jyn. “Oh, I…I think you might already know but Jyn—”

“Yes, I know. I was the first person they told.” Ben interrupted promptly. He winced. “I didn’t mean to cut you off…it’s just…I’ve been having to deal with the news all day.”

Leia sighed sadly, “And Rey, how…she must have gotten better at lying because I could not even tell she knew _at all_ today.”

Ben’s lips pinched together. He set the pot back on the stove, dimming the burner with his free hand. “She didn’t. She just found out a few hours ago.” He admitted, his back turned to Leia. He reached for a clean mug. “I…” He shook his head. “Never mind.”

She frowned, prepared to push him to speak when she saw _it_. He was in pain because the woman he loves, had probably loved…for a long time, was in pain. There was nothing he could do, but be there for her…which was easier said than done.

For the most of Ben’s life, Leia was not there enough. Though agonizingly slow to accept this harsh reality, Leia acknowledged her mistakes. Both she and Han did.

She wasn’t there to teach him how to cook. Cassian taught Ben how to cook every time the kid enter his house; _‘mijo, a comida puede sanar el alma’_. Han wasn’t there to teach him how to drive. Chewie spent every Sunday the summer after Ben’s fifteenth birthday to teach his favorite nephew how to drive with the patience of a gentle giant. She wasn’t there to help him study for high school exams and sign school permission slips. Luke became his temporary guardian, even dragging her son along to London when he moved. Han wasn’t there to teach him about the struggles of dating and heartbreak. Jyn had to hold Ben after his first break-up.

She could not be there for her son when he was diagnosed with depression. Jyn and Cassian helped him, along with her mother and father. Han wasn’t there to send Ben off for his first or second rounds of undergraduate, instead Chewie drove the young man both times. Luke was able to reconnect with her son after all his mistakes because he always taught Ben about the importance of forgiveness. She was not there to see her son fall in love, become a fool at the mention of the girl. See him and her gaze longingly at each other when the other wasn’t looking.

She wasn’t there…instead she found out she was going to be grandmother and was not going to be a grandmother in the same instance. She wasn’t there to hold her son at his loss, and tell him everything would be alright—that he and Rey would be alright. She knew nothing because….she did not know Ben. She did not know her son. She never knew her son the way the rest of their ragtag family did—his likes, dislikes. His struggles and joys. She only held on to the memory of twelve year old Ben because it was the last time she understood her baby.

He wasn’t twelve anymore.

But that didn’t mean she could not be his mother.

Leia shifted in her chair, leaning forward. “It’s…difficult when a spouse loses a parent. Or in this case, knows they will lose a parent.” She pursed her lips, Ben peeking at her over his shoulder. “Before you were born, Han’s mother passed away.”

“I didn’t know I had grandparents on dad’s side.” Leia now had her son’s undivided attention.

“What, did you think he just appeared out of thin air? Come on Mister Master’s degree. Be a little smarter than that.” She jested, the conversation not as grim.

Ben rolled his eyes slightly, “No, I just thought he didn’t care for them, or he was an orphan. I—I never thought to ask.”

“Well, she passed away before you were born, roughly three months.” She twisted her ring with her thumb, “She also wasn’t there for the wedding the month previous. Honestly, I never knew her…yet I was the person the hospital called when she passed away. Pneumonia.”

“Oh,” Ben breathed, “You told Dad?”

“Yup,” She continued, lifting her eyes to Ben’s. “I told him and…he was speechless. He did not know how to process the news. Your father…does not know when to shut up, it is a god awful gene you sadly received.” Ben snorted, “But, he was quiet. For days. I did not know what to do…until I just _asked_.”

“You…asked what was wrong.” Ben’s voice pitched, not quite understanding.

She shook her head, “I asked him what he needed…not how I could fix it—because you won't be able to fix Rey.”

He swallowed, “I know. I just…want her to be happy.”

Leia smiled up at her grown up son, the shine of love in his eyes. Maybe she didn’t miss out on everything. “And she will be, with you by her side.” She sipped some of her tea thoughtfully. “You were both your happiest whenever you two were together.”

Ben smiled.

Her smiling twelve year old boy will always be a treasure in her heart, but there was something satisfying to have the image fade into the young man before her.

* * *

 

“Here you go Poe!” Rey plucked the box hidden behind the Christmas tree.

The assistant’s head popped up in surprise, he’d been slowly drifting back to sleep while Skywalker and friends passed out Christmas gifts. Rey had been dubbed Santa by Ben who had originally been dubbed Santa by Chewie. There had been a squabble between the three, Chewie crying in his mother tounge when Ben claimed he didn’t want to pass out gifts. Rey, the gracious soul Poe quickly learned she was, snatched the Santa hat from the two men and proceeded to fulfill her duties.

“Uh, what?” He asked dumbly.

Rey shook the box out to him. “It’s your gift, from Ben and me.”

He glanced at Ben, who sat beside his mother. The usually brooding man seemed _a little less_ broody, though Poe assumed it was due to the belated Christmas spirit.

“Okay…” He took the prettily wrapped box from the girl. “I feel bad about opening it, the wrapping looks so nice.”

Rey shrugged, already passing another gift to Chewie. “Ben can wrap presents like a pro—I am pretty sure everyone asked him to sneak off and wrap them all before this morning. He’s not going to be offended if you shred it.” She giggled, her boyfriend’s ears pinking at her praise.

Despite being invited as vacation management by Leia, Poe did not expect to be deeply involved in the festivities. His own parents now lived up in Alaska, pilots for the state. Rarely did he have the time to visit, or did they have the time to visit him. Planning holidays together had not been on the agenda since Poe was child, now it seemed almost laughable to spend Christmas with his family.

Needless the say, receiving a Christmas gift, from Ben and Rey no less, was unexpected.

Quietly, Poe tore off the wrapping paper, only needing to open the box containing the gift. He ripped off the tape on the lid, flipping the cardboard flaps…

And released a strangled cry.

“Is…is this… is this what I THINK IT IS!” He shouted, jumping up from the couch giddily. He was too afraid to touch it.

Sitting idly in the box was the original manuscript of the Starfleet series second installment. A signed copy… by both Ben _and_ Rey.

She fucking wrote Starfleet too?!

Man, he loved the Solos.

“The original ending is in that copy,” Ben commented, Poe’s eyes widening at the new information. “My editor thought it would have been too much…saying we needed to keep it PG-13.”

Poe felt his stomach drop. “You mean…they have sex!” He cried out excitedly, “I knew it was alluded, but some of the anti-shit on the boards said it didn’t happen. I was fucking right!” Poe began to freely cry tears of joy, flipping open the manuscript. “I need to read from beginning to end. It’s going to be beautiful.” He muttered, eye focused on the pages.

“Just make sure you keep it to yourself,” Rey warned sitting down in the spot on the other side of Ben. “We’re saving some of it for the next book.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.” Poe promised. If they liked him this much…he could get _another_ manuscript next Christmas!

* * *

 

“Are we even allowed to bring outside food to the hospital?” Ben asked Han as the two carried bags of takeout from the local Italian restaurant.

“Who cares if it’s allowed? Your Uncle and cousin are going to have a good belated Christmas dinner, plus those lovebirds need more than just loopy Hook for company.” Han lead Ben down another hall, Luke’s room in sight. He stopped for a moment, turning to Ben. “Hey, I just want to let you know if I am ever in the hospital again, you better bring me some damn good food or I’ll disown you.”

Ben huffed a laugh under his breath. For once, nothing felt forced between the two.

Both father and son did not need to say how much they liked it, the identical nods of understanding spoke enough volumes.

“Will do Dad, will do.”

* * *

 

“You know, you can leave the room? I still have a few good months, Stardust.”

Rey flinched at her mother’s candid tone of her illness.

The two were in the living room, Rey picking up the remaining, crumpled wrapping paper while Jyn sat by the fire with her tea. Initially, she insisted on helping her daughter, only for Rey to banish her to the armchair.

“I know.” Rey remarked.

Echoes of laughter were heard from the kitchen as Leia, Chewie, and Poe tried to scrounge up something for their belated Christmas meal. Jyn smiled brightly at the sound. “I love hearing laughter, especially Chewie’s, it’s like thunderous applause.”

Rey continued to pick up the trash, wondering what was taking her father so long. He said he needed to grab her mother’s blanket from their room. That had been ten minutes ago; sure the cabin was large, but not a ten minute worthy trip to a room upstairs.

“Stardust,” Rey tilted her head, listening to Jyn, “You don’t need to wallow.”

“I’m not wallowing.” She shot back, Jyn rasing a disbelieving eyebrow. “I...” She stood up straighter, “Believe it or not, I have accepted the fact you are going to die.” Jyn blinked back, unaffected by Rey’s words. “I have accepted you will be gone in less than a year.”

“I never doubted that,” Jyn shrugged. “You…have always understood what you cannot control in the present. You get that from me.” She frowned, her blue eyes focused intensly in the embers in the fireplace. “But you have your Papa’s heart Stardust—you think you can fix the world, and you get upset about what you _could have_ done.” She gently wiped away her stray tears, not having enough courage to steal a glance of her daughter. “Living with regret is not going to fix anything, in fact, it does the opposite.”

Nodding once, neither one needing to voice exactly what they both regretted, Rey picked up the trash bag and left the living room.

* * *

 

“You know you’re going to freeze out here.”

Rey turned her head at the sound of her papa’s voice. After throwing out the trash, Rey retreated to the front porch, wrapped in Ben’s old sweater and her winter coat for warmth.

“Did Mum tell you where I was?” Rey grumbled, fingers curling into the fabric of the worn grey sweater.

The front door closed shut, Cassian dropping on to the front steps beside her. “No. I just know you like to go outside when you’re upset.” His hand’s clasped lazily together on his knees. He squinted, his eyes facing the afternoon sun peaking between the broad pine trees. “Do you still play soccer?”

Rey smile lightly, her head bobbing. “Yup, I was in an intermural league. I had to go on absence because, you know.” She shrugged.  “But I think when we go back home, I’m going to pick it back up again.”

“You use to love it.” Cassian reminisced, a loving grin growing at the thought of playing a game of soccer together again. Contemplatively, the two observed the snow with mild disappointment. “I’d be fun to play…but there’s just too much snow up here.”

Rey agreed. The cabin was nice, but being in the snow day after day grew tiresome. Not to mention the family was going a little stir crazy by Christmas Eve, especially with the amount of people lumped together in one space.

The solitude was beautiful…but it no longer suited the Skywalker-Solo clan. Anakin’s condition was becoming increasingly worse in every passing day—he needed to be in full time care. Padme desired to be closer to her children and grandchildren. Both Han and Leia were finally in a secure place in their marriage. Luke…well, Luke didn’t have much going on beside his recent amputation. Then, Finn and Rose were going to have a _baby_. And she and Ben…she and Ben were each other’s partners. The Skywalker-Solos were now her family, as much as they were Ben’s.

“Maybe,” Cassian cleared his throat, “next Christmas we can have it at our house.”

“In Lucas?” Rey asked, intrigued by the suggestion.

“Yeah…I was talking to Padme earlier. She caught me by the stairs,” Cassian explained, Rey murmuring softly at the answer to her unspoken question. No wonder her papa took so long to retrieve her mother’s blanket. “She asked for Uncle Bodhi’s business number; she wants to sell the cabin.” Rey blinked in surprise. She did not expect that; no one would probably expect it. “The place is getting old and difficult to maintain. Neither Leia nor Luke visited unless it is the holidays, and then only rarely. Uncle Bodhi has connections in real-estate to sell the property fast.”

“Oh, wow.” Rey remarked, thinking of how Ben would react. He did not spend much time in the family cabin, except for the occasional winter or summer holiday his parents would lug him along to reluctantly. He only had his own room at Padme’s insistence; she had taken her thirteen year old grandson on a shopping spree to decorate his room. Which remained the same grunge and nerd-fest it was to that day.

He might not care, yet…Ben was sentimental. Far more sentimental than her…Rey hoped he wouldn’t object and try to take the cabin for himself.

“Mija,” Cassian’s voice broke the comfortable silence they fell into, “Your mama…”

“No.” Rey interrupted sharply, “She…she’s not being reasonable. She’s doing that thing where she thinks she knows best, and I’m the one who needs to square up.” Cassian did not respond, simply watching Rey grow disgruntled with a pensive frown. “She thinks everyone can just be okay with everything and we’re not. Why can’t she just accept that it’s okay for us to not be okay?”

“Because she’s the one dying, mija.” Cassian stressed, “Do you think she wants to die?”

“Of course not. No one wants to die.” Rey rolled her eyes, annoyed by the obvious question and answer.

“She needs to know we will okay without her… and sometimes that comes out hostile, or inconsiderate.” He sighed, “You do the same thing.”

“What?” Rey asked, slightly offended by the casual accusation.

Cassian nodded with a tired smile. “Every time you came home, towards the end of your visit you became a little more snippety. Aggressive….because you didn’t want us to miss you too much.” Rey did not argue, feeling embarresed by the truth in her papa’s statement. “Your mama, she’d do the same thing to me every time she needed to go to a conference or business trip. No doubt, you probably do the same thing to Ben.”

“No I—” Rey stopped, suddenly remembering how awful she’d been to Ben the couple of days before her trip. Purposely passive aggressive. Arguing over petty things, like walking Gary (“I walked him three times today,” “Yes, Rey, but he only used the restroom once while…”) or which food needed to be thrown out because it would spoil when they were gone (“The cheese can stay in the fridge, we bought it three days ago,” “I feel uncomfortable with the cheese being in there for that long.” “Rey, its _cheese_. It’s already a type of mold!”). Not giving into cuddles at night, then barely telling him goodbye when she left for her parents. “Oh god. I do!” She groaned into her hands.

“It’s a defense mechanism,” Cassian patted his daughter’s back, soothing her realization. “Your mama is trying to protect us… you just need to fight past it and enjoy the time you have with her.”

The sound of tires on gravel caught their attention, Han hopping out of the passanger seat the moment his truck was put in park.

“Goddamn, I don’t know how you let that asshole drive, Rey.” The elder Solo grumbled as he stocked past the father and daughter.

“I usually do the driving,” She called out to Han, bewildered by his loud and ecstatic presense.

As Ben climbed out of the truck, Han flipped him off. “Who the hell taught you how to drive?”

“Chewie!” Ben shouted back.

“Well, he’s an asshole too!” Han bellowed. He turned on his heel, entering the cabin with static energy.

“What happened?” Rey asked Ben, suppressing her laughter.

Ben slowly walked up to Rey and Cassian, stopping in front of the steps. “He’s just upset I drive better than him, and how he needs glasses now.” He shrugged off, not bothered by his father’s melodramatic reaction.

“Is Luke still good?” Cassian asked, standing up.

“A little loopy, but good. Finn has been trying to convince him to get a hook prosthetic.” Ben answered, holding a hand out to Rey. She placed her hand in his, Ben helping her stand back up.

The three began to head back into the cabin, before Rey stopped Ben by the door once Cassian entered.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, gazing down at Rey with mild concern.

She shuffled from foot to foot, looking up at him with sincere eyes. “I’m sorry if I was kind of mean to you before I left.” Rey apologized quickly, arms crossed over her chest.

Ben frowned, “Why are you apologizing?”

Her gaze fell to the floor, knowing she get mushy if she stared into his pretty brown eyes for too long. “Because it came to my attention I can be a bitch leading up to trips and I feel bad about it.” Hesitantly, she peered up back up at him.

A wolfish smirk gleaned back at her. He leaned down, his mouth hovering by her ear. “You are a bitch and I love you _so_ much.”

She did not expect him to agree, or be as debonair when he spoke. For all the amazing qualities her loveable dork possessed, charming and a skilled flirt was not one of them. And it was not the most romantic thing he had ever told her—nothing may ever top his ill sputtered Knightley moment—but she found herself surprisingly _liking_ it.

She fought against her grin, Ben’s knowing chuckle causing her to blush. “Shut up, you idiot.”

* * *

 

Dinner remained rather subdue compared to the fiasco of the night prior. Homemade macaroni and cheese, some greens and vegetable medleys along with Padme’s homemade bread made the meal simple, but homey. They still had plenty of desert left from the previous night, Han and Chewie completely skipping dinner to dive right into the pies and cakes. Most of the family ate in the living room, balancing plates and cups on their laps and nearby surfaces. A Christmas movie playing in the background, though no one was truly watching.

In the corner of the couch, Poe fiddled with his laptop, trying to connect with Rose, Finn and Luke via Skype. Leia sat with her father and mother by the fire, listening intently as Padme spoke to her. An occasional smile broke from her serious exterior. Jolly laughter and grumbles echoed from the dining room as Han and Chewie ate sweets and played poker.

On the love seat, Jyn and Cassian sat together with hot chocolate and a blanket over their laps.

From across the room, Rey smiled softly to her mother.

“One, plate of snickerdoodles for you,” Ben joked as he handed her the small plate of sugar coated cookies, “and a cupcake for me.” He sat down beside Rey, in the nest of blankets and pillows she made on the floor. Greedily, Ben took a large bite out of his chocolate cupcake, getting red frosting on the tip of his nose.

Rey stifled a laugh, reaching over to wipe of the frosting with her thumb. He muttered a ‘thank you’, his focus on finishing his dessert.

Gently, Rey clasped her palm over Ben’s free hand. Without a beat, he intertwined his fingers with hers.

She felt content, the jolt of longing in her gut gone when Ben’s hand was in hers.

“Let’s get married.”

“Huh?” Ben’s eyebrows furrowed together, he swallowing the rest of his cupcake.

Rey turned to face him, adoration glowing in her hazel eyes. Ben’s heart picked up its pace, his mind slowly processing her words. “I said ‘let’s get married’. In May, this upcoming May. It can be a late spring wedding. With just close family and friends.” The words tumbled out her mouth, her speech picking up pace in every passing second. “Because I’m ready, Ben. I am, and you are too. We all are.”

“Are…are you proposing to me?” Ben breathed, his heart caught in his ribcage. “Because I have been trying to propose to you _forever_ —”

“I know.” Rey squeezed his hand. Tenderly, Ben pushed away the stray hairs from her face with his free hand, she falling into his touch. “But what are we waiting for?”

“Nothing.” He answered, “Let’s get married, when you said. I love it, _I love you_.” He brought her hand to his lips, placing a quick chaste kiss on her pulse point. Unable to let go, he held their clasped hands to his chest. “But can you please let me give you the ring? I am about to los—”

His next words were cut off by Rey’s eager kiss.

His _fiancée’s_ eager kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY ARE FINALLY ENGAGED.  
> Leia finally sees her son for who he is, and the Rey begins to accept her mother's fate.  
> Ugh, I'm crying.  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Let me know your favorite parts, what you liked, what you're going to miss, how you feel about the fic ending (next chapter is the LAST chapter of this fic)!
> 
> Also, remember just because this fic is ending does NOT mean this verse is over. There is still Spring is Sure to Follow....and mmmmaaaaayyyyybbbbeeeee a sequal fic. Maybe. I might need some suggestions ;)
> 
> Thank you for being fabulous readers! :)
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @intp-slytherin97


	22. Epilogue: December 24th 2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 24th 2020: Two Years Later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last chapter. This was one of the first fics I ever posted, and the first fic I wrote in general. It's been a work in progress since December and its finally done. It's bittersweet, but satisfying all the same.
> 
> I'd like to dedicate this chapter to all you wonderful readers who have gone on this little journey with me! Thank you, thank you, thank you! It's been a blessing to share and to receive your lovely comments and kudos!
> 
> Here's to one more chapter!

**December 24 th 2020**

Rey rearranged Emery’s tuffs of black curls again, adjusting the little elastic headband. The five month old had Ben’s unruly hair, Rey constantly trying to get the curls and strands to lay flat.

“Rey, we told them we’d be there by noon.” Ben reminded her, the grey and blue diaper bag already slung over his shoulder. It was already past nine and the drive to his parent’s new place was at least a two hours time. He’d been watching Rey fuss (he never thought he would ever use ‘Rey’ and ‘fuss’ in the same sentence, yet here they were) over their daughter’s hair for the last five minutes.

Rey looked back down at her daughter strapped into the baby carrier, innocent brown eyes blinked curiously up at her. Emery honestly had no idea why her momma was playing with her hair, but gurgled happily all the same. “Fine.” Rey sighed, standing up from her crouch. Ben reached over, and picked up the carrier by the handle, the small family heading out of the apartment. The walk down to the car was mostly in silence, Rey zipping up her jacket tighter. She hated the biting Central Valley cold, but she liked living closer to her family. “I just didn’t want your mother or Rose to think I didn’t do her hair for Christmas.” Rey told her husband as he unlocked the car.

Ben frowned, opening the backseat. He locked the carrier in place, tucking Emery’s blankie tighter around her tiny, chubby legs. “Rey, I don’t think either of them are going to lose their mind over Em’s hair. My mom will be too concerned with having the best Christmas, like she does every year, and it’ll be a miracle if Rose even cares.” Ever since the Christmas Hamputation of 2018 (Luke insisted everyone refer to it as such), Leia had been trying to be better. She’d finished her run as senator in the beginning of the previous year, she and Han then moved to the Central California coastline. Leia was finally able to relax, away from the major cities, while Han was able to work on his cars and interact with automobile collectors. They also weren’t too far from everyone else, the longest drive for Finn and Rose, who lived further up north. “I don’t think Rose remembers how hair pieces work anymore.” Ben joked, closing the backseat door. Rey cracked a smile. Rose and Finn had twin boys, the most rambunctious and sweetest children, but still boys who got dirty at every opportunity and tackled each other with such _fervor_ …Ben was suddenly glad he never had a sibling. 

“I know,” Rey mumbled, opening the passenger door, Ben crossing to the driver side of the car. “I just can’t help it sometimes.” She said once they were both situated, seatbelts buckled. “It’s just been harder since…” She shrugged helplessly. Her hand reached up to grasp her mother’s clear crystal necklace around her neck.

Ben nodded, Rey not needing to voice her pain. “Hey, _she’s_ proud of you.”

Rey pressed a quick kiss to her husband’s cheek, “She’s proud of _you_ too.”

* * *

 

“There’s my baby!” Leia cried out from the front porch, looking far younger than she did a year ago. Retirement did wonders for her stress levels. She climbed down the steps, calling over her shoulder, “Han help your son with their bags!” She crossed the lawn to Rey, who was slowly pulling out the baby carrier and diaper bag from the backseat. Leia reached over and pressed a firm kiss to Rey’s check before moving on to the carrier. “Here sweetheart, I’ll take Emery into the house. You relax and go find your father, he should be somewhere inside.” Leia reassured Rey, patting her shoulder before taking the carrier from the mother’s grasps.

Rey nodded dumbly, surprised by Leia enthusiasm and flourish. Being a grandmother suited her. Gathering her messenger bag and phone, Rey followed Leia into the house. The house was warm yet the colors of the rooms remained cool, a soft blue covering the entrance and living room walls. In the far corner by the window, sat Padme, with a book in hand—one Anakin wrote in his younger years.

Chewie sat at the kitchen table from the connecting dining room, coloring with two boys with Finn’s smile and Rose’s hair, Flynn and Levi. Ben had scoffed at the names when they were announced to the family. Finn thought naming his children after his and his father’s novel counterparts was genius, while Ben thought it lame. He’d laugh in Finn’s face when his nephews realized they were named after their uncle’s characters.

And there in the kitchen, pressing the masa into husks was Cassian. The smell of simmering chicken and carnitas filled the open space, Rey feeling like she was twelve years old again, squished in between her parents at the kitchen island making tamales for Noche Buena.

Her father hummed a soft Spanish tune as he worked by himself. Rey shrugged off her jacket, dropping it on the vacant bar stool. “Hola Papa,” Rey greeted, rolling up her long sleeves. She came around the kitchen island and wrapped her father in a tight hug. With his elbow he patted her shoulder and kissed her temple, trying his best not to get the masa on her clothes.

“Hola, mija.” Cassian muttered as Rey pulled away, returning back to his cooking.

Rey grabbed another spatula and husk, then began prepping the tamales with Cassian. “Why didn’t you tell me you were making tamales? I would have brought some supplies or came earlier to help you.” Rey asked, setting the smeared husk down with the others waiting to be filled with meat, beans, and cheese.

“You’re busy mija, with your family and work.” He explained, “I wanted to try to make them by myself, maybe make it a surprise for you.” He smiled to Rey, bumping his shoulder with hers. Rey grounded her feet, the press of her mother’s body not on the other side to catch her stumble.

“Yes, but—”

“I am a grown man Rey, I do not need my daughter looking after me when she has her own nina to be watching.” Cassian reminded Rey firmly, though with no malice behind his words. Rey nodded with a sigh, unable to help but sadly gaze at her father.

He wasn’t broken, or a mess. He lived life fully, still worked, and came over for dinner on Mondays. He’d teach Ben how to make traditional Mexican meals as Rey was awful in the kitchen when it was beyond food prep. He still had the same blue-grey parka and worked on the 1978 Toyota in the garage, Ben coming over on Saturdays to help him while Emery watched from her bouncy seat. He babysat on Thursdays for Rey and Ben, to let the couple get out of the house for a few of hours for something that wasn’t work related. He called and told Rey about a kid who was making great progress in the counseling program, the sixty-two year old man receiving undeniable joy from his vocation.

He still lived life…only the end of his red string was cut, a part of his being lost.

“Mum would have eaten half the masa by now,” Rey giggled, staring at a nearly full bowl of verde masa, her mother’s favorite. Jyn often joked she only married Cassian for the authentic Mexican food, eating all his meals with gusto.

Cassian shook his head with a chuckle, “Si, si I think I bought too much now. Why don’t you feed it to the baby?”

“Papa, I will not feed my baby raw, spicy masa!” Rey gapped at her father with wide eyes, “She’ll get all watery eyes… _actually_ now that I think about it—it’d be really funny.” She gasped out through her laughter, dropping some masa on the floor in trying to catch her breath.

* * *

 

“Finn, I think I want another one!” Rose cooed, making faces at Emery. The baby blinked at Rose, not smiling or laughing at the woman, completely unimpressed with her aunt’s efforts. Rose sat her back down on her lap, frowning at Emery’s lack of response. “Yup, she’s definitely Ben’s kid if she didn’t laugh at that.”

“No, let’s wait.” Finn mumbled as he tried to connect the television to the Wi-Fi, Han and Leia still not connecting Netflix to their SmartTV after living in the house for a year. Luke then came from the guest bedroom down the hall, lighting up when he saw Emery.

“There’s she is.” Luke greeted, Rose passing the baby to him. Luke tuck hieds arm with the prosthetic hand under the girl, to hold her upright. Emery smiled at her great-uncle, her soft, tiny hands grabbing at his grey beard.

A loud crash followed by shouting came from one of the bedrooms, Rose huffing. “I’ll go check on the boys.” She charged down the hall, picking up one of the boy’s stuffed animals from the couch on her way out.

Emery gurgled at Luke, “Yeah, boys are stupid. Keep thinking that.” He chuckled when she blew a raspberry, burrowing her head into his shoulder. For some reason Emery latched on to Luke the moment she saw him, the uncle quickly becoming her favorite person. Ben didn’t understand his daughter’s fascination with Luke, but let it go whenever he heard the happy giggles from Emery.

* * *

 

“So… you’re really going to end the series?” Han asked Ben, the two men still standing by the trunk of the car, talking. Being outside, away from everyone else, made it easier for the two men to talk freely. Not only in the sense of fearing of someone listening to them, but to just be a father and son talking.

Ben nodded, scuffing the bottom of his foot on the gravel of the driveway. He liked not spending Christmas in the mountains, surrounded by the snow. He felt less claustrophobic. “Yeah, I’m almost done with the manuscript. Had to push back the date twice.” With the wedding, then the baby, the deadline had to be pushed back. Plus, the public knew A.D. Vader was pseudonym, Ben and Luke deciding to reveal this after Anakin’s passing. It didn’t back fire the way Ben expected, but worked in their favor, the public finding it fascinating how the family passed down the series from generation to generation. Ben looked up at the grey clouds, the sun peeking in and out, “I feel like I told the story. Ronan got his redemption, Kat is no longer lonely… Flynn is happy and has a home.” He shrugged.

Han watched his son closely, “But you’re not happy with the ending.” He stated, knowing the contemplative look on his son’s face.

“Yeah,” Ben rasped, “I’ve rewritten the ending countless times, Rey’s even written the ending and we are both not happy with it…it’s just not closing the way we want it.” Ben had spent countless nights writing the ending only to scrap it. He’s killed off Ronan. He’s killed off Kat. He even killed off Flynn and Becca—Rose’s not so secret counterpart in the Starfleet universe. He ended with marriage and kids. He ended with all of them dying. He wrote Ronan and Kat not ending up together—which Rey crumpled up the pages and threw them at his head when she read _that_ ending.

“Why not be honest Ben?” Han asked, Ben confused by his father’s question. “Be honest. Kat and Ronan hid away together, and tried to be happy without any influence of his side or her side of the war.”

“How is that…,” Ben then fell silent. That’s what he and Rey did in their relationship. “What if people hate it? They have expectations.” Ben never really cared what readers thought until the last book, the panic of finishing his trilogy bundling his nerves.

“Screw what people think.” Han shrugged, “You can’t give them what they want, you’ll never be able to; you have to write the story you know is true. Trying to be happy with the person you love,” Han swallowed. Ben for the first time in his life, witnessed his father cry. “ _That_ , that right there,” His father’s gravelly voice became choppy, “is the most universal truth around, kid.”

* * *

 

“Okay! Christmas Games!” Han shouted, a series of groans echoing in the living room. Except for Poe and Chewie who yelped and cheered, high fiving each other.

“Is this really necessary?” Leia asked tiredly, the previous Christmas games playing in her mind like a montage.

“Of course! We finally have a real backyard, how can we not!” Han argued, gesturing to the sliding door windows. They did have a nice size backyard, with a small vegetable garden tuck into the furthest corner and closed off stairs that led down to the beach.

“Games-games-games!” The twins chanted together, jumping up and down.

“Even the kidos want to do it,” Han leaned down and ruffled the boys’ hair. “Do it for the children.”

“I don’t—”

“Ben and I want to play Christmas Games!” Rey declared, Ben’s head whipping to her, his eyes blown wide.

“We do?” Ben hissed, lifting Emery a little higher to block their conversation. She gurgled happily at the movement.

“Yes,” Rey stressed, “I was pregnant last Christmas and I couldn’t play. We are doing this.”

Oh no, she pulled the ‘pregnant card’, Ben unable to fight against her ammunition. He sighed, gently dropping Emery back down on his lap. “Yeah, we want to play the games.”

Once Rey and Ben agreed to participate, more voices begrudgingly chimed in; Cassian, Finn, Rose, and the surprising guest of the hour—Kaydel Ko Connix. Poe had arrived late, with Rey and Ben’s close friend Kaydel in tow—the two shared a serious look, they were definitely going to interrogate Kaydel about her relationship later.

Han quickly distributed the two teams—ultimately deciding to separate the couples.

“I don’t need Ben and Rey dominating with their eye speak!” He grumbled at the protests.

As the players went off to pull on sweaters and shoes—their first game soccer—Ben handed Emery to Luke. “Remember Em,” He whispered into her soft curls, “You cheer for Papa. Not Momma.”

Luke frowned disapprovingly at his nephew, “She will cheer on whoever she wants.”

“And that is me.” Ben argued back, leaving his uncle and daughter.

Emery yawned, dropping her chin to Luke’s shoulder. “Yup, it’s about nap time for you isn’t it.”

Somehow the little baby remained asleep through her family’s grumbling and shouting, curled against Luke’s chest as he and the kids watched from the sidelines.

* * *

 

Despite the initial protests, the games were rather middle than in years past. No broken bones, or dramatic reveals. Simple fun, along with the occasional dramatic bickering from Ben and Han, their previously tense father-son dynamic transitioning into trading insults with a mocking laughter.

For Ben and Rey, most of the afternoon had been spent keeping account of which family member had Emery, holding the baby becoming a round of hot-potato. One minute Luke held her, the next Rose (who continued to pester Finn about trying for a girl); at one point Chewie held Emery, the baby girl screeching peals of laughter every time the gentle giant spoke.

When Ben found no one else seemed to have his little girl and Rey was helping her father in the kitchen (which was mostly her standing by her father as he cooked), the father began to panic. What if the twins got ahold of her, or worse Han? The newly minted grandfather did not know how to handle the infant, usually sticking to making faces from a distance.

“Ben, I could barely take care of you in my prime? How the hell do you expect me to be careful with her?” Han would argue.

“Because she’s your granddaughter.” Ben explained, though knew it would take time for his father to warm up to Emery.

Heading down the hall, Ben heard the hushed voice of his grandmother from the study. Leia may have finished her senatorial work, but she still desired to make progress no matter where she went. Her study became for all her ‘little’ projects, along with storage for all of Padme and Anakin’s book collection.

His grandfather’s passing was a long time coming, though the sting was numb. Surprisingly, Padme was rather subdue about the loss of her husband, having greater time to accept the inevitable than anyone else. Occasionally, Ben witnessed a flicker of sadness in her gentle brown eyes, only to have the emotion be replaced with simmering joy in a blink of an eye.

“You know you got unruly Skywalker hair just like your father.” Padme murmured as she brushed away Emery’s hair from her eyes. The baby chewed on her tiny fist, her curious eyes locked on Padme. She was drooly, but her great-grandmother did not mind. “Your great-great grandmother had pretty dark hair…well all of us have pretty great hair.” The older woman chuckled, Emery giggling in response. “Well, all of us except for Luke. But don’t tell him that.”

Ben stepped away from the door. Emery was perfectly fine with Padme.

* * *

 

“You know…I don’t think this Christmas will be bad.” Ben whispered to Rey, the two still awake as they laid in bed. Emery was sleep in the bassinet beside their bed, a purchase made by Leia in her ‘I’m going to be a grandmother haze’.

“Hmm,” She twisted to her side, facing Ben. “You might be right. There hasn’t been any screaming matches or severed limbs.”

“No severed limbs is good.” Ben stifled his chuckle; neither he nor Rey desired to wake Emery. After months of sleeping battles, their little girl finally fell into a stable sleeping pattern.

“We’re all together. I think that’s what makes it great.” Rey finished with a yawn, tucking herself deeper into the covers. Her hair was loose around her shoulder, some of her chestnut strands falling in her face. He lifted his hand and brushed away her hair, Rey humming in contentment.

Gently, he pressed a light kiss on her forehead as the clock on the nightstand turned midnight. They may just have a decent Christmas after all.

* * *

 

**January 1 st, 2002**

A tiny finger poked Ben’s cheek.

“Ben…Ben…” A lightly accented voice whispered loudly in his ear.

Frowning from his disrupted sleep, the young teenager swatted the intruding hand away.

Little hands fisted in his shirt, the little pest trying to shake him awake.

“Ben!” She cried out again, “Get up Ben.” She grumbles, a pout in her voice.

“Leave me alone, Rey.” Ben groaned, throwing the blanket over his head. He knew he should have slept in the living room, despite Cassian blowing up air mattress for Ben to crash on Rey’s floor for the night. His parents had taken the spare bedroom, leaving Ben with the uncomfortable couch or an air mattress.

“Come on Ben,” She patted his chest roughly, underestimating her own strength. “Everyone else is still asleep and I’m hungry.”

This kid was going to be the death of him.

“Fine.” He groaned, shucking off the throw blanket he’d stolen from Rey’s ginormous pile the night before.

“Yay!” Rey cheered, dashing off to the kitchen.

Ben ignored her.

Trudging down the hall, Ben noticed the morning sun barely peeking through the window. Shit, she woke him up at an ungodly hour.

“Ugh, what do you want to eat?” He asked as he entered the kitchen. Rey stood on her tippy toes trying to reach the cabinet. Taking pity on the girl, Ben scooped her up by her waist and sat her down on the counter. She giggled, swinging her legs back and forth in a dizzying way only children could accomplish.

“Um,” She hummed, chin in her tiny palm. “Do you know how to make pancakes?”

Ben scoffed. “Do I know how to make pancakes?”

Rey’s lips began to quiver, her hazel eyes growing impossibly big.

Damnit, he was going to try to make pancakes.

As he began gathering the mix and pan, Rey babbled happily about anything and everything. She told him how she liked to play soccer in the backyard with her papa. She told him she really wanted a dog, but her mum was allergic so she couldn’t get one until she was _way_ older. She told him about her favorite book _Jane Eyre_. He honestly wondered if she understood the book, but the passionate little burst she had whenever the classic was brought up ceased his doubts.

“Hey, Rey do you have any friends at school?” He found himself asking as he shuffled off the third finished blobby pancake.

She remained eerily silent.

Her bubbly attitude shifted to something more somber than he’s ever seen from the little girl. “I can’t go to real school because I’m behind on my lessons. So mum and papa teach me, and my Uncle Kato—he’s really smart.”

“You’re home schooled?”

She nodded, the little knots on her head bouncing.

Huh.

Right, Rey was adopted, and her previous caretaker did not provide adequate education.

“So you don’t have any friends outside of your family?” He continued to probe, shutting off the stove.

Rey shrugged helplessly, her eyes downcast.

He was going to regret this… “Well, now you do. I’m your first official friend.”

She blinked owlishly at him, not understanding why he sounded so grumpy when announcing happy news.

“But…if your my only friend…does that make you my _best friend_?” She asked, the giddiness finding its way back into her tiny being, Rey vibrating from excitement.

“I wouldn’t go as far to say—”

She launched herself into Ben’s arms, the clumsy thirteen year old catching her awkwardly. “We’re going to be the best-ests friends Ben!” Her arms wrapped around his neck, Ben using his little strength to hold Rey up. Slowly, he deposited her back to floor. “We can read books together, and watch movies, play games, maybe one day we can even get a dog!” Rey listed enthusiastically, arms latched tightly around Ben’s middle. He felt a tug in his chest at her affection.

Maybe she’s not that bad…maybe they were going to be friends…or maybe they’d only see each other every once in a great while…

He dashed the last thought away. Something inside him told Ben he’d see Rey’s hazel eyes light up for a long time.

“Sure, Rey. We can be best friends forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it my friends!  
> Remember the verse is not over! Spring is Sure to Follow will continue, and there may be a sequel in the works. Though it won't be posted until some of my other WIPs are finished.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! I love discussing the story with my readers!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @intp-slytherin97


	23. A NOTE AND GOOD NEWS

Hello dear readers!

Just an author's note to let you know the _Trusting December_ sequel has been posted! It is available and listed in the series :D

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292221/chapters/40670582>

Here is the summary:

_With their daughters now fully grown, Rey and Ben thought the parenting thing would be smooth sailing. After all Addie and Emery were sweet, intelligent, and driven young women with aspirations to make any parent proud._

_That is until their youngest refuses to leave the house much to Rey's concern, and their oldest has a serious older boyfriend much to Ben's dismay. Some good old fashion meddling and Skywalker family shenanigans should solve their problems. Little do Rey and Ben know their daughters are truly too much like them, to the point history begins to repeat itself._

Thanks!

 

**Author's Note:**

> The present is mostly from Rey's POV, and the past is mostly from Ben's POV.


End file.
